Surrender Your Sensations

After seeing Rupert at the cafe, we agreed to meet at the cafeteria later. I went straight to my majors after talking with him for a while. Then, this is it, my brain is all over the place because of the quiz I just finished.

Not in the best mood, I went straight to my next class. My reasoning is low because of my quiz on the previous subject, so I’m not sure if I can hold the mock-up debate in the next class. I mean, why do those two subjects have to be in a row.

My next class is Ethics; it is a GE or general elective which means all undergrad programs had to take it as part of their curriculum. In fact, I don’t have to show off my grade here because it’s just GE. The case is, I don’t have that habit. I always give my best shot on whatever I do. Because if not, I should stop dreaming of becoming a lawyer.

I grew up persistent and hardworking. And these characteristics of mine doubled after surviving cancer. I mean, I have no intention of ruining my second life.

I shrugged as I entered the room. I immediately shook my head in disapproval when I saw the arm chairs were already split in two groups. Well, last meeting, our professor divided the class into two groups; the affirmative and negative side. The classroom was noisy too because of the exchanges of arguments between everyone, practicing how they were going to speak during the actual debate.

I guess I was the only one who was not expecting this activity. I literally came unprepared today.

“Meredith! Saved you a seat!

Immediately, my gaze turned to the one who called me. My smile automatically spread on my lips, getting rid of my bad mood from the quiz I recently took.

I approached Cherry – I knew she was the one who called me because of the curly ends of her hair and the familiar voice that was quite deep and had a Batangueño tone.

I immediately sat down in the vacant seat next to her. Cherry was a fourth year student now. I was with her in freshman and sophomore year before I stopped due to my cancer. She’s also a BA Philo student and also part of Alpha Battuere.

Cherry excitedly nudged the girl sitting on her other side. “Debate genius is here,” she said before pointing at me.

“Me?” I asked Cherry when the one sitting on her other side turned her attention to me. I noticed the Hello Kitty bag of the woman and that was when I recognized her. It’s Claire. “Why me?”

Claire handed me a folder. “Cherry told us earlier that you were the champion of many debate competitions during high school.”

I gave Cherry a glare and she just gave me a peace-sign. “Cherry,” I hissed, waving the folder that Claire gave me. “What exactly am I supposed to do?”

“Well, the arguments for the affirmative side are already compiled. Just read it.” Claire smiled at me, encouragingly. Then she stood up and got the attention of everyone on the affirmative side. She was the assigned leader of our team to consolidate everyone’s participation in this activity. As far as I know, Claire is a BS Architecture student.

Well, the total class capacity of our class is just twenty students. So, there are only exactly ten students in each camp.

“Hi to all of you! Thank you for all the arguments you researched for this debate. I have compiled and summarized all the files I received in my email and that’s what the folders contain. But not necessarily that speakers can no longer add in that compilation. If they have more to add, feel free to say it and explain to the team. Okay?”

Like what Claire said, we were all tasked to research a pro-argument and we sent it to her via email. Since it was announced last week, the preparation has also been long. I looked at the folder I was holding and then nudged Cherry’s side.

“Don’t tell me, I’m one of the speakers?” I asked her.

“We’re part of the debate team, Meredith. Of course, they’ll automatically consider us,” she replied to me like it was the most obvious thing.

I sighed before I placed my forehead on my desk. I was tired – physically, mentally and logically. Then I didn’t really read and studied the arguments that I sent to Claire last weekend because I was busy with other things. ‘Then my quiz earlier consumed my brain.

Argh! I’m so doomed!

“As Sir said in the last meeting, there will be no formal lay-out for our debate. He just instructed us to form a group of five people to be the speakers of our side,” Claire explained before I heard her clap. “Luckily, we have two members here of Alpha Battuere. So, of course we will include them in the five speakers.”

Immediately, my head lifted from my desk when Cherry tapped my shoulder. I forced myself to smile and made it look like everything is alright. But really, I am nervous as hell. Aside from almost three years of having no debate experience, I haven’t really pondered the topic too much.

Well, the topic is the ethics of euthanasia. Is it morally right for the medical field to prescribe ‘death’ to patients … Scratch that. To ‘terminally-ill’ patients.

“Don’t worry guys, Meredith and I will do our best,” Cherry, with an inborn confidence, said before putting her arms around me.

My teammates applauded and I could do nothing but accept my fate.

“‘Don’t be nervous. Euthanasia is a common topic in debate, Meredith. It’s easy to counter negative arguments,” Cherry told me before winking at me.

I just sighed deeply.

“I will be the opening remark of our side and Yuri will be the closing remark. Then Gelo will be the one to present our argument along with Cherry and Meredith,” Claire continued before the other two stood up with the three of us. It’s a girl- Yuri; and a tall guy- Gelo.

“So, we’re all set?”

Our group responded ‘yes’ in unison. I ran my hand through my hair before silently cheering for my fate. We’ll just get through it.

After reaching an agreement, Claire and I sat down. Yuri sat next to Claire and then Gelo sat in the vacant seat next to me. I was shocked when I immediately smelled Gelo’s scent when he stood beside me. I like his perfume.

“Just read the contents of the folder. Everything is there,” Claire reminded us.

So, that’s what we did. We read the summarized arguments of our side- especially me.

While reading the folder, the class suddenly fell silent. The next thing I heard was my prof’s voice. He greeted us and then he proceeded on explaining the activity.

“This is a mock debate so there’s no specific pattern of debating. As long as the speakers will not end up throwing harsh and offensive remarks, we will just enjoy the exchange of the heated arguments. I gave you enough time to prepare for this. I have high expectations.”

“Yes, Sir!”

I want to tweak myself. Why did I even think of flirting when I have tons of requirements to finish? Meredith Kaye, you really suck in making decisions.

“Do you think this data is enough?”

I stopped preaching to myself when Gelo spoke. I turned to him and was stunned when he looked at me as well.

“Why?” I asked confused before looking at the folder I was holding.

He was stunned before I heard his faint laugh. “Wait. Did you approve these arguments? I mean, did I expect too much from you? This is not like you, almost four or five years ago?”

I blinked several times because of what he said. Why is he talking to me like we know each other?

“Do you know me?” Then I brought my face closer to his. He was shocked by what I did but I didn’t care.

I can’t see his face in this distance. I need to get a little bit closer.

“W-Wait …” He leaned farther from me.

I came even closer. I could smell his perfume better- it smells like a mixture of mint and vanilla. But I stared at the side of his hand resting on the table. That familiar crescent moon and a star tattoo in the middle of his thumb and forefinger. I think I already saw that.

“Where did we meet?”

He pushed me back into my seat then gasped. For sure, he thinks I’m weird- but what can I do? I have prosopagnosia.

“In a debate competition during junior high school. I was the second place and you were the champion.”

I was stunned. I don’t remember him at all but … “Are you sure that’s the only place we met?”

“That’s where we first met,” he says before giving me a shrug.

I am about to ask further questions when he lifts the folder up, “Read all the arguments in this folder and then start searching for additional arguments. These are a bit too safe and outdated. We will not win.” Then he finally focused his attention on what he was reading, shutting me down.

I smirked. How dare he remind me that we met before only to shut me down. He is weird.

I just focused my attention on the folder I was holding and continued reading while our professor was still explaining some concepts about ethics of euthanasia.

I winced after reading the contents of the folder. This Gelo-guy is right. They’re all outdated. These are all data you can search in the internet just by typing ‘pros of euthanasia’. This is not sufficient to win a debate.

“Cherry, don’t tell me you’re just going to use the old arguments to defend our side?”

“Why not? This is not a competition. There is no winner or loser. We just need to show to the professor that we exerted some effort for this debate, then, he will give us a reasonable grade,” she said before leaning her head on my shoulder. “Again, this is just a mock debate to prepare us for our upcoming final project as a class which is the real debate, Meredith. That’s the real deal. Whoever wins there, they will get a higher grade. That’s what should be taken seriously. . ”

I snorted with what she said. “You’re really a senior now,” I replied to her before shaking my head. She just chuckled.

Well, it was an inside joke in our university. As time goes on in college, efforts become less and less. It’s like when you’re in your fourth year, you exert less effort because you’re no longer afraid of your professors. You get used to it, they say.

“Now, may I request that the five speakers for each camp stand up. The debate about the ethics of euthanasia will start,” our professor said after enlightening us on the concept of euthanasia and some legal arguments about its legalization.

Just like what our professor said, all the speakers stood up as the representative of each side. Since we are the affirmative side, we sat on the lined up five seats on the right side of the room. We were seated in the order of the speaker. Claire was first one and then Cherry, me and Gelo. Yuri was sitting at the last seat since she was assigned for the closing remark. The other side did the same arrangement of their speakers.

“Is it morally acceptable for medical providers to prescribe euthanasia to a ‘terminally-ill’ patient?” Our professor looked at Claire and then nodded to start our opening remark for the affirmative side.

“Euthanasia ends the torture of a person gravely suffering in physical pain. It’s a way to help those who want to die in peace; those who are tired of carrying the feeling of hopelessness; and those who are financially struggling due to hospital bills… ”

I listened to what Claire had to say and listed all the arguments she laid out for our side. End the torture… Duty… Not a form of murder… Not a suicide… Respect life … Dignity to die…

“I think we’re gonna win this,” I couldn’t help but say that which caused Cherry and Gelo to turn their gazes at me.

“I told you, we have this,” Cherry agreed.

“Fine. I saw your point. We’re not going to use facts and data. Instead, we’re going to stick with emotional appeal. We will use the ‘value of life’ to turn the table for our side,” Gelo said with a sigh.

“Why do you have to explain it yet?” I teased him before moving my face closer to him.

He was stunned again and I saw the masculinity of his eyes. His eyebrows almost met before he pushed my forehead away with his index finger.

“Stop leaning that close to my face,” he hissed and I chuckled.

“I saw it. You’re blushing, Gelo-boy.”

“Fuck that Gelo-boy!”

We only stopped getting in each other’s nerves when it was Cherry’s chance to speak her pro-argument about Euthanasia. Then, it’s my turn and Gelo’s turn. After presenting and explaining our side, the negating side did the same.

I listened to their counter-arguments- jotting down some notes. I couldn’t help but smirk because their arguments were as meaningless as ours. It’s very easy to really have this debate on our side.

After the claim, warrant and presentation of the data to support the warrant of each side, there goes my favorite part, the crucial ‘clash battle’. In this part, more exchanging valid points would happen and then, literally making these valid points to be invalid in order to win. Clash battles usually dictate the game; specially if the structure of claim was not really supported by the warrant and data presented.

Whoever is better at opposing the argument, that’s the real debate winner.

“Ready, Meredith?” Cherry asked before leaning over to show me her smile.

I laughed before nodding, “I was suddenly excited, Che. I suddenly had a way to finish this mock debate, beautifully.” Then, I handed her the paper on which I had placed my predicted questions to be thrown by the other side.

“You manipulative bitch. You’re really an empath, aren’t you?” Cherry teased me before she handed the paper to Gelo after reading what I put there.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“You’ll answer when they argue about the inherent value of life. Tell the Dignity Act,” I told him.

“Okay?”

I laughed at his answer before messing up his hair. I felt his body stiffened again and then he lowered his head as if hiding his face. Like a kid.

“We’re fine, Gelo-boy.”

“O-Okay.”

Like expected … The negating team threw the concept of inherent value of life to question the morality of euthanasia.

Gelo stood up to counter it. “Disrespecting the inherent value of life?” He chuckled before he actually stride towards the opposing team. He was so calm yet you could feel his dominating aura. He impressed me with that part. He’s a debater. “Let me ask you the real meaning of that inherent value of life you’re talking about.”

“It’s to value the life of a person by providing the person the right to live,” the other team replied.

“Right to live? In what way should a person live?” Gelo said before he made his way to the center and looked at everyone. Emotional appeal… Good job. “In what way should I live? Of course I would like to live in peace, in happiness, and in comfort. Every person would want such a way, am I right? However, for terminally-ill people,” he quoted the word ‘terminally-ill’ in the air using his fingers, “is he or she living that way? Comfort? Happiness? Peace? No way. A sick person with no available treatment is living in grief, pain, and hopelessness. Is this the way he should enjoy his life? Is this the right you’re referring to? Is this the way to really value a human’s life? ”

Gelo made his way back to his seat. Then, he dramatically ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t think so. I can call this torture. Extending a hopeless life with so much pain and suffering is torture and not the right to live. Why don’t we let someone die with dignity? Why don’t we end their suffering if they’re asking for it? Pain tolerance…”

I was stunned by what Gelo said. Pain tolerance… My mother’s face suddenly came back to my memory; her tears were generously streaming down her face when she said she did not want to fight anymore.

“… every human being has a specific pain to tolerate.” With that, Gelo sat again.

I looked at him. A small smile spread on my lips. I guess what he said was better than the Dignity Act. “Good job, Gelo-boy.” I reached for his head and then tapped it.

He was stunned but then he just took my hand away and saluted. “Stick to emotional appeal.”

“Don’t you think ‘terminally-ill’ people aren’t in their right minds to decide? Euthanasia can be considered as suicide too- a grave mortal sin,” the negating team countered.

Cherry stood up. The confidence in her was radiating- it’s a bit intimidating. “Suicide? Oh, euthanasia is also called ‘assisted-suicide’- so I guess, it is another form of suicide. However, the mortal sin you’re talking about, I don’t think it’s similar to euthanasia. Come to think of it, that mortal sin is done by ‘you’ to ‘yourself’ while euthanasia is done by a ‘professional’ to ‘you’. ” Cherry’s voice i\was full of conviction. She was really the iron lady of the debate room. “The consent that a patient gives to his/her doctor should not be disregarded or questioned using the arguments of depression or any psychological conditions. Being terminally-ill is a dead-end. Of course, the patient will feel depressed about it but I don’t think their rationale to think what’s best for them is gone.”

Cherry raised her hand and then looked at everyone. “I am diagnosed with depression. But I am here speaking to you, debating to be specific, with the right logic. Not because I am depressed, I don’t know what I am doing now. Lastly, the idea of ​​suicide is a complete trash. But you can’t deny that this world is trash as well. So, yeah. People with a terminal condition is moral to ask for euthanasia.” Cherry sat and I immediately held her hand. It was shaking. But I admired her confidence and her courage. “Unless you walk someone’s shoes, you don’t have the right to question his or her decision on what to do with his or her life,” Cherry ended her speech and everyone was silenced.

It took a couple of minutes before the opposing team threw the final counter-argument. “Euthanasia is not legally and morally acceptable because it’s murder. A medical practitioner’s duty is to save lives, not to end it.”

I heaved a deep sigh before I stood up. I didn’t look at the opposing team, instead I faced everyone who was watching carefully the heated exchange of arguments.

“Euthanasia is not a murder,” I began before smiling. “The premise of a murder is when a person harms another person with the intent of killing that person. Murders are done without the consent of the victim.”

I heard gasps and a silent agreement with what I said. My smile widened. This is it, we win this.

“But in euthanasia, we don’t have a person to call a ‘victim’ instead we have a ‘patient’ suffering in grief and pain. In euthanasia, the patient gives the consent to end his/her life to the doctor . And the doctor is not killing the patient but saving the patient from continuous torture and suffering. The consent separates euthanasia from commiting murder.” I shrugged and then grinned at everyone. “I mean, was there a murder victim who asked the murderer to kill him?”

The debate ended with closing remarks after the clashing exchange of arguments. Did we win? I’m not sure because our prof didn’t tell us.

But for me, we won.

And I’ll admit, it’s nice to feel the same adrenaline and motivation that debating only can give to me. I feel so alive and happy.