It Happened Last Year

The four of us attend the football game on Friday, and it is nothing special. Coldgrove High School lost in a close game, but we left happy anyways. Many people gave me dirty looks, some even saying that I shouldn’t be here, which was embarrassing in front of Taylor and Jordan. I’m sure they know what happened, but oddly, they don’t show an opinion like everyone else. Maybe they believe me, maybe they don’t, if they are whiling to be my friends, then who cares. People are free to believe what they want here, in moderation of course.

Jana and I say our goodbyes to Taylor and Jordan before heading to my car. We leave later than everyone else, not wanting to sit in parking lot traffic. Once we are in the car, and all the doors are closed, Jana turns to me. “You didn’t seem very into it.”

I wasn’t. I hate to admit it, but I was really hoping that Daniel would come. Something about him intrigues me, I find him very interesting, and I want to discover more about him. These feelings confuse me, but I have grown used to them the past week.

“I wasn’t. Football games aren’t really my thing. Plus, how fun is it to watch your attacker play sports?”

Jana nods. “That’s true. I don’t know-don’t get mad at me-but I think it’s because a certain someone wasn’t there.”

Can nothing be kept from her? Well, she is a people watcher, a thorough one at that. Can she really read me that easily?

“Let me guess, his name begins with a D, he’s painfully gorgeous, and he happens to take interest in y-”

“He doesn’t take interest in me,” I cut her off and start the car. “I’m there to cure boredom.”

Jana dramatically sits forward only to give me an ‘I can’t believe this’ look. “How can you say that! He practically interrogated you for murder at Watts’.”

I pull out of the parking spot and head in the direction of home. “You’re being dramatic.”

“Dramatic! He probably finds you mysterious and all, with the whispering and the staring.”

“Yeah, he wants to know what I’m hiding. Little does he know that I’m never going to tell him. He’s probably expecting me to say that I lit a building on fire or something rebellious, not that I was attacked by Harrison,” I explain. “Once he finds out, which he will eventually, he’ll be turned off by me right away.”

Jana stops and looks at me, no longer the road. Her voice is soft now. “Why do you think that?”

I let out a short laugh. “I’m damaged goods, Jana. Who wants to be with the girl that can’t stand to be touched? I’m undesirable.”

“Undesirable? You’re insane. Any guy at our school would be lucky to be with you. You’re a total catch, smart, beautiful, caring, the complete package.”

I glance at her briefly. “Yeah? What happens when he wants to fuck?” My choice of words surprises me, and Jana too. It sounds like something my old Florida persona would say.

“Well, you work things out together, take it step by step-”

“Work things out?” I laugh again. “What guy wants to work things out? All they want is to get laid. We’re just a piece of meat to them. All they try to do is pick the one with the most bearable personality.”

“You’re almost speeding, slow down,” she warns me. “We can talk about this at your house, not on the road.”

We finish the drive in silence, and when we arrive at my house, I see my mother’s car is gone again. I sigh. Is she sleeping at the station now?

“Your moms been gone a lot, Hailey,” Jana says as we get out of the car. “How is she?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

I lend Jana a pair of pajamas and we lounge around in my bedroom, ignoring the clock and enjoying the weekend. She’s painting her nails with an old purple polish that she found in my bathroom.

“Tyler hasn’t called me,” she murmurs, focused on her nails. “I think he’s lost interest.”

“He must be pretty dull then because you’re the most exciting person I know.”

She sighs. “I’m kinda over him. He was pretty boring. I don’t know, Trent seems like a nice guy. You know who else I might go after? Daniel, I mean, since you don’t like him and all.”

I groan and sit up on my bed, giving her a view of my guilty face. “Fine. I’ll admit it if that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want.”

I shake my head. “I like Daniel. I think he’s mysterious and he seems to care a bit about me. There, done, rejoice if you must.”

Jana smiles. “Now all you have to do is win him over, but that should be easy. You guys are going to be the cutest coup-”

“No, Jana. We’ve been over this. I can’t do things that couples do.”

“Not yet,” she says, “but you’ll heal, Hailey. It takes time. Have some hope in yourself. People don’t get better unless they want to get better.”

There is a moment of silence. “He broke a guy’s nose, you know. All I can think about is Daniel walking up to him and swinging, then the cracking noise.”

Jana looks up at me slowly, almost as if she is about to giggle like a school girl. “What? That turns you on?”

I roll my eyes and throw I pillow at her, almost knocking over the open bottle of nail polish. It is beginning to stink up the room with its chemical-like odor. “Shut up. I just-I don’t know. He asks me these questions, he’s stupidly attractive, and he doesn’t seem to care what other people think. I’m freaking out on the inside, I haven’t felt this way since the incident. It’s weird. Part of me even wants to kiss him, and before, the idea of kissing made me want to vomit.”

Jana’s face is brighter than ever. “It’s so good to see you like this again. You’re going to survive. Harrison can’t just take your life from you, steal it back.”