Holding on to you

“So, are you ready for this?”

Am I ready? Am I really ready for my entire family to finally have a sit down to discuss my relationship with Killian? Well, I think the obvious answer is, hell no!

First of all, I didn’t know what to expect and to make matters even worse, Killian was the one to suggest the get-together. It took me by surprised when he told my uncle to get in contact with my parents and invite them over to our house so that he can make a few things clear.

What the hell does that mean? I thought it was already clear that he never intended to let me go, and that’s exactly what my parents will ask him to do. The only thing that will be good about this so-called get together is getting to see my brothers again.

“Kins, this is going to end badly, I can feel it.”

She tried to act like everything was going to be alright, but even she couldn’t wipe the worry from her face. We both knew that it was going to be a disaster, I just hope that none of them kills each other.

“Red, come on, baby.”

Kinsley gave me a reassuring smile as I walked out of the bedroom to meet Killian downstairs in the family room. He was dress quite casual, in blue ripped jeans and a white t-shirt that said, “I like f**king your daughter.”

My jaw dropped when I saw it, and I stared at him in disbelieve, but all he did was gave me his usual arrogant smirk.

“Are you trying to piss my parents off? I thought the whole point of this meeting is to make peace not war?”

He reached for me and I tried to pull away from him, but he was too quick for me, I ended in his arms anyway.

“The whole point of this meeting is to let them know that I like f**king their daughter, and I have no intention of stopping, ever.”

I sighed, it was no use trying to convince him that the way to my parents’ heart is letting them know that their daughter is well protected and cared for. Killian is who he is and no matter what, he’ll do exactly what he wants.

However, I desperately wanted him to change his shirt, I could just imagine the look that will be on my parents’ faces when they see it, he’s definitely not going to win any points with them.

I was going to try my luck at convincing him, but his phone rang and he let me go to answer it, walking off into the kitchen. For whatever dumb reason I decided to follow him. He looked at the number on the screen, and whoever it was changed his mood instantly.

“Tell me you’ve found the f**ker?”

His hand clutched the phone until his knuckles turned white, I was curious to know who he was talking to, but I kept my curiosity to myself. I knew that whatever it was that he was doing, wasn’t anything good.

His eyes flicker to me and for a split second it got stormy and I saw pure hatred, but somehow I knew that it wasn’t directed at me. However, it still caused a chill to run through my body.

“How hard can it be to find one guy!”

The way he yelled into the phone cause me to jump out of my skin, it was times like this that I’m reminded of the type of person Killian is. I watched as a ray of different emotions took over his face, I was about to turn and walk away, not wanting to see or hear anymore, when Killian said something that caught my attention.

“Find the motherf**ker, he’s gonna learn that there are consequences for touching what is mine!”

I stared at him, I almost forgot all about that Noah incident, but it seems like Killian hasn’t. When he hanged up we just stared at each other, his eyes bore into mine and I stood there trying not to squirm.

“I thought that he was you, it was dark and I was scared and when I felt his arms around me, I thought that it was you.”

My eyes never left him as I spoke as calmly as possible, and I could see that what I said pissed him off because he specifically told me never to mention it again. He took a step closer to me, and my instinct told me to run, but I held my ground. He needed to stop being stubborn and listen to what really happened that night.

“Shut up, Red.”

I ignored him and continued, “Why is it so hard for you to trust me, to believe that I’d never cheat on you? I love you, Killian.”

He pounced on me so fast that I didn’t even have time to react. I didn’t even know that I’d move until I felt the sharp pain of my back being pushed hard against the wall.

I’ve come a long way with Killian, so I’ve grown used to his manhandling of me. It doesn’t normally scare me anymore, but with the way he was looking at me, I felt my fear raise up from whatever deep part of my mind that I buried it, attacking me like a starving lion hunting its prey.

However, I tried my best to keep it contained, I promised myself that I won’t be intimidated by him anymore. The one thing Killian couldn’t hide was his lust for me or the fire that blazed in his eyes as they devoured my body.

It doesn’t matter how upset, angry or furious he was, his eyes always showed how much he wants me. However, apart from the lust, there was also the possessive element, it showed in the way his eyes would linger on a certain part of my body, and his nostril would flare just slightly and his eyes would take on this crazed, wild look.

I could see that he wanted to touch every part of my body, but he restrained himself, clenching and unclenching his fist.

“I said to shut the f**k up!”

I tried my best not to flinch, my head was held high as I faced him head-on, even though, my entire being wanted to run for cover.

“What the hell are you so afraid of?! Deep down I know that you believe me, but for whatever reason, you’re being a damn stubborn mule about it! God, Killian, I’m not your mother, I’m not gonna die or disappear on you! I’m staying right here, and I’m gonna keep on loving you no matter how hard you try to push me away or fight it. I LOVE YOU, so get over it!!”

By the time I was finished, I was breathing hard and tired of the entire argument. I felt deflated, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to clear my thoughts.

When I opened them up back, Killian was still looking at me with lust and possession clouding his eyes, but there was something else there as well… acceptance.

He leaned forward, resting his head on mine. Closing my eyes, I then wrapped my hands around his waist, holding him tight. He sighed, and it sounded so defeated that I couldn’t help but pull him closer.

However, I was still curious to know why he didn’t want to be loved? Everyone wanted to be loved, but with Killian it’s different. He acts like you’ve offended him by loving him like you’re giving him a deadly disease instead of your heart. What kind of childhood did he have to make him act that way?

“You’re the only person that I want to love me.”

His words broke my heart because I knew he meant it. I can tell that he cared about his sister and Mik, but he stills put distance between himself and them. Whenever Kinsley shows him too much affection he tends to pull away from her, and I know that it hurts her, even though she tries to hide it.

“Are you two done? Lilly’s family is here and they don’t look too happy.”

I turned to look at Kinsley and she had a pissed off, hurt look on her, I gave her a questionable look, but she just shrugged her shoulders like it was nothing.

I was about to ask her what it was that was bothering her, but Killian turned my faced back to him and kissed me. However, before I lost myself into the enigma that was him, I heard Kinsley grunt before she stomped out of the room.

After a long while, we broke the kissed and left the kitchen to meet my parents. He intertwined our hands, and I steeled myself to face whatever was to come out of the meeting.

“I don’t like being here anymore that you do, Marco, but it’s for our daughter.”

My mom was trying to wipe the irritated look off of my father’s face, but I could see that she was not succeeding at all.

“Hey, everybody.”

They all turned to look at me, a surprised and relief smile lit up their faces. I let go of Killian’s hand and walked over to my family, who were now standing. My feet felt heavy as I approached them, I didn’t know what to expect, after the way I left things with them last time.

My father was the first one to pull me into a big bear hug, which I returned. My heart started to feel a little lighter, I thought that he might be upset with me, but I could tell that he wasn’t.

“I’ve missed you, baby bear.”

Hearing him call me by my pet name made me break down in tears. I felt safe in his arms and I hugged him like I never wanted to be let go again.

“I miss you too, daddy.”

The rest of my family took my father’s lead and hugged me as if their life depended on it. My brothers were the most emotional out of the bunch, they lifted me up in the air and spun me around, making me squeal with laughter.

“It hasn’t been the same without you,” Brandon said, then he pulled me close and whispered in my ear. “I know what you did for me, Lil, and I don’t like it, but thank you.”

I whispered back, “I know you don’t, and you’re welcome.”

Oliver pulled me away from Brandon and engulfed me in a big hug of his own, almost cutting off my air supply.

“Stop hogging her, Bran, she’s my sister too.”

I starting to make a big show of letting him know that if he didn’t let me go, I’d die from loss of air.

“Air… need air.”

Zack pulled me away, rescuing me. “Don’t kill her before I get my turn at her.” And that’s the way it went, with my brother each taking turn at squeezing the life out of me.

I hugged my uncle and was about to hug my cousin, Addison, but she was just standing there staring at Killian. I looked between the two, it was then I remembered that they were once an item.

“You married my cousin?”

I looked at my uncle curiously, but he just shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing. I couldn’t believe that he never told her, I asked him to tell her when Killian and I were at the club.

“Yes,” Killian replied.

It was done in the most heartless way, I felt bad for her and pissed off at Him for being so uncaring. The look of utter heartbreak that took over her face, crushed me, making me feel like I’ve betrayed her in some way, even though I never knew that he dated her.

“Addy, I’m so sorry.”

Killian frowned at me, he looked pissed off because I apologised to her for his wrongdoings.

“Don’t say you’re sorry, Red, you did nothing wrong.”

How in god’s name could he be such an uncaring monster? From the look on Addison’s face, I knew that his words wound her.

My dad cursed behind me, “You’ve slept with both my niece and my daughter.”

It wasn’t a question, and Killian just shrugged like my father asked him if he liked red and black. It wasn’t long before my father eye caught the quote on his shirt, and I closed my eyes and pray that he didn’t cause a scene. But, like always, my prayers were left unanswered.

“Are you taunting me, son?”

All eyes went to Killian, who was smirking, and they all gasped at what his shirt said. I closed my eyes and wished I had the power of invisibility.

“Just thought I’d let everyone know what I liked doing when I’m not working.”

Now I wanted to die.

Addison covered her mouth to stop from crying and ran out of the room, I glared at Killian and ran after her.

“Addy, stop, please!”

I wasn’t successful, she ran out of the house and jumped into her car, driving away. I stood there and watched as her car disappeared, inside I felt horrible, like I stole Killian from her, even though I knew that that wasn’t the case.

When I turned back to go into the house, Kinsley was standing there, watching me with this strange expression on her face.

She pushed away from the door and walked closer to me, her expression never changing.

“I know why I love him, he’s my brother and he’s kept me safe and protected me all my life, but why do you love him, even when you see what kind of person he is?”

I didn’t have an answer for her, I just know that I loved him. There was something about him, something deep within him that called out to me.

“Why are you asking me this now, Kins?”

“Because I don’t understand why you love him, and why you’re the only one he truly cares about when I’ve been his sister his whole life. He does things for you that he’d never do for anyone else, and I just want to know why?”

It never occurred to me that my relationship with Killian bothered her, she was the one who always encouraged me to find his soft spot.

“Kins, he’s your brother, of course, he cares about you.”

She laughed, but it sounded more like a cry.

“I know he cares about me, but it’s you who he loves. He might try to deny it and say he doesn’t feel love, but I see the way he looks at you, the way he keeps touching you. When he’s around you, he always has this look, like you’re the air he breaths and without you, he’d die.”

Her tears crushed my heart, I stepped closer to her, wanting to console her, but she flinched away from my touch. I dropped my hand and fold it in front of me.

“I’m sorry, Kins, I don’t know what to say.”

I truly didn’t know what to say, I have no control over my feelings for Killian or what he feels for me. I can’t force him to love his sister the way she obviously loved him.

“Don’t be sorry for me, Killian has always been cold, but it’s not his fault. When he was eight years our father used to do things to him, things a father had no right doing to his child. I never knew what Killian went through, all I knew was that my brother only showed one emotion and that’s anger. It wasn’t until I was twelve that I found out what our father was doing to Killian, because he did it to me too.”

I had a feeling that their father was a cruel bastard, but what could he have possibly done to turn his kids into emotionless, sadistic people?

I voice the thought in my head, “What did he do to you, Kinsley?”

Her face took on a bitter look as she answered, “He raped me, he raped us, our own father, raped his kids!! How f**ked up is that!”

I can’t explain the gut-wrenching pain I felt at hearing those words. My tears flowed freely as I cried for her and Killian’s torture, I hugged myself to stop from pulling her into my embrace. I could see that me touching her was the last thing she wanted.

“Ohmygod, Kins, I don’t know what to say.”

She swallowed, then turned her bitter eyes on me, “There nothing you can say that will change what we went through, you had your perfect little life with your perfect little family, whiles we were being beaten and raped by that monster, who was supposed to love and protect us!”

Her words felt like a slap in the face, it made me feel like I was somehow responsible, like I should feel guilty for having a good and loving life.

“That’s enough Kinsley!!”

Killian appeared at the door, looking like a formidable force to be reckoned with.