Holding on to you

“Say it, Red!”

I kept my mouth shut and shook my head, there was no way he was getting me to say those words.

His eyes darkened from my defiance and he pulled the rope he had tied on my hands tighter. Although it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, I bit my lips to keep my screams from escaping.

Tears were already falling from my eyes and running down the side of my face, but still, I refused to say the words that he’s been trying to get me to say for almost an hour.

“How much of this you think you can take, baby? Just say the f**king words!!”

I flinched from the harshness in his voice, but I’d be damn if I give into him so easily again.

I shook my head again, causing him to pull harder on the rope. The burning fire that was eating away at my wrist caused me to faltered a bit. A whimper escaped me before I could stop it, then I saw him smile.

He gave the rope a knot to keep it in place then secured it against the bed. Taking his finger, he traced the outline of my lips, this sudden gentleness caused me to gasp, and he slipped his finger into my mouth.

Need and desire so strong started to build deep within my core, my heart rate speeded up and I couldn’t stop myself from panting. This made him give a little satisfied smirk.

He moved his finger from my mouth and ran it down my neck, and between my breast, all the while starting a dancing fire within me. I wanted him, I needed him, at that moment nothing else seemed more important than being with Killian, and he knew it.

“That’s right kitten, you like it when I stroke you, don’t you? Purr for me baby, let me hear the little kitty cat cry.”

I couldn’t help it, I moaned softly when he started circling my nipples with his fingers. I tried my best not to give into him, but I just couldn’t hold out for too long. The feelings he invoked in me were like no other, nothing and no one can ever compare to him.

“Stop disobeying me, Red or I promise to not give you what you so obviously want. Say it, baby, say it and I’ll make it worth your while.”

He kept on teasing me with his fingers, moving from my breast and venturing lower. I wanted to give him, god, how I wanted to give in, but it took everything in me to resist his lure.

“No, Killian, I won’t say I hate you because… I love you.”

He stiffened, his movement freezing. The look he gave me was something close to hate, and as much as I tried to convinced myself that I didn’t care, I just couldn’t hide the hurt I felt.

Even since that night, I caught him kissing Natasha in the gym, he’s been a total and complete ass wipe to me. I couldn’t figure out what his problem was and it wasn’t until two days after when I had enough of being treated like a second class citizen that I decided to confront him.

When he told me he heard me say I that I was falling for him, at first, I felt like denying it, but then I decided that I wasn’t going to hide my feelings anymore. I loved him and if that bothered him then that’s his bad luck.

Many time over the two weeks since I confronted him he tried to get me to take it back, but I just wouldn’t. He even made it clear to me that he didn’t want or need my love. He was very direct when he said that my stupid feelings didn’t in any way move him and that I’d do better to squash them before they fester into something even more ridiculous.

I was told to not expect him to return them in any way, shape or form. He even reminded me that my only purpose in life was to please him and be owned completely by him, and my loving him was anything but pleasing.

Even though his words hurt, I still refused to tell him that I hated him like he wanted me to. It felt good to finally have something that bothered him that much.

“Don’t test me, Lilly, I’m yet to punish you for running!”

His hands instantly reached for my neck, and because I was tied up I was unable to stop him. I knew I couldn’t stop him from hurting me completely, I could get him pissed off enough to delay the inevitable.

“Are you scared, Killian? Are you scared that that iceberg you have for a heart might melt and start loving me back? Or is it that you already love me, and as much as you claim you own me and I’m your slave, you’re mine as well?”

His hand flew away from me and he jumped back like he was hit with an invisible force. His glare was cold and hard as he stared at me, not saying a word. I knew I was getting to him, so I continued.

“I love you Killian, and you can never change that, but in time, I will make you love me right back.”

He moved so fast that at first, I thought he was going to hit me, but he started to roughly untie the knot at my wrist. When I was completely free I started rubbing them to circulate the blood.

Killian, however, jumped from the bed and stared at me for a very long time before he did something he’s never done before.

“Get dressed, and get the f**k out of my room!!”

I stood there startled, he wanted me to leave? Maybe I pushed him too far, maybe I shouldn’t have baited him. I took too long to respond so he grabbed me by my arms and pushed me, causing me to stumble, but I regained my footing and steadied myself.

I heard the steel in his voice as he spoke.

“I said get the hell out!”

I couldn’t help flinching at his words, and the shaking of my naked body, I couldn’t stop that either. I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face.

“Y-you w-want me to le-leave?”

He threw his head back and laugh, but I could tell that it was a heartless one. When he finally looked back at me his face was void of any emotion, it was like staring into a black abyss.

“What, you think because you cast your useless emotions on me that I’d give you back to that cowardly mutt of an ex?”

In two stride he was upon me, his face so close to mine that I could feel the hot air from his breath.

“Well you think f**king wrong Red, YOU’RE MINE! You f**king belong to me, mind, body and f**king soul!! And if you think about leaving this house again I will kill you, trust me, Lilly, I’d slit your f**king throat before I let anyone else have you!”

I was shaking so much from my fear because I knew he meant every word that he said. He grabbed my arms again, even harder than before and I couldn’t help but cry out.

“What I want you to do is get the hell out of my room, they’re over ten rooms in this house fine one and stay there. And I mean it Lilly, you don’t move or open the door unless I tell you to. Now get dress, or I’ll drag you from here just as you are!”

I was still startled and very confused, I didn’t understand what the hell just took place between us. And in my confused state, my movement was a bit off, but Killian didn’t care. He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door, I barely had time to pull on my robe before we were out the door and walking.

I felt utterly embarrassed and mad as hell, not only for the way he was treating me, but also for the way he was demeaning me in front of his sister, who came out of her room to see what was going on, and almost all of his men and his staff.

They all watched open-mouthed as he pulled me not too gently down the corridor until we came to a stop in front of a door. With his free hand he opened the door and shoved me in, this time, I did stumble and fall flat on my ass.

I didn’t even get a chance to right myself before he was yelling at me again.

“Get the f**k up, now!”

I didn’t hesitate, immediately I got to my feet, feeling insecure and small I wrapped my hands around myself.

“Lose the robe!”

With shaking hands, I untied the knot and let it fall to the ground. Killian pulled my body to him, putting his hands on my ass he lifted me so that I could wrap my legs around him, and I did.

Without saying a word his lips were on mine and we were walking towards the bed. I felt the soft material against my back and I sighed.

Killian started touching every part of my body and he was anything but gentle. As he removed his hand from one stop to find a new one, I felt the bruise forming.

We had sex and it was void of any emotion, it was cruel and outright heartless, just the way Killian liked it. And at that moment, I cursed myself for loving him.

Minutes after finding his release, he got up for the bed and started getting dress. I laid there just watching, feeling utterly used and abused. When he started walking towards the door, I jumped from the bed because I knew that he intended to leave me there, for god knows how long.

“Killian! You can’t just leave me here!”

He turned to face me, a sly smirk on his face.

“Can’t I? you were good, baby, just like you always are, but I’ve got no other use for you, so you get to stay your sexy ass here until I’m ready to f**k you again, got it?”

I was appalled, who the hell did he think he was? I wasn’t going to sit around waiting to service his dumb ass!

“No, I don’t get it! You can’t punish me because I’m dumb enough to fall in love with you! There’s no way I’m staying locked up in here waiting for you, you can’t make me. I’ve got a life Killian, and in case you didn’t know, it doesn’t revolve around you!”

He stepped forward.

“Doesn’t it, now? Listen to me carefully Red, you don’t have a f**king life, you belong to me! You do what I say when I say it and however, I say to do it! If I say you stay your cute little ass in this room, then you shut the f**k up and stay, like a good girl.”

I grabbed the pillow from the bed and threw it at his head, wishing it was a rock. But he caught it and drop it on the ground.

“What the hell Killian, I’m not a dog for you to command, I’m a human being with feelings.”

He pulled me towards him, slipping his hands around my waist and grabbing my hair. He yanked my head back, causing me to see stars.

“You’re whatever the hell I want you to be! If I want you to get down on all four and lick the ground like a dog, then you’re a dog! If I want you to spread those thighs of yours and take me like a whore, then that’s what you are! And right now I want you to stay right here like my good little plaything.”

I don’t know what got into me but I leaned forward and bite him, instantly he dropped me and I tried to run past him to get to the door, but he caught me around the waist.

I started kicking and screaming for him to let me go, but he just dragged me away from the door.

It wasn’t long before I heard Kinsley frantically yelling for Killian to open the door, but he ignored it.

He picked me up and threw me on the bed, I kicked out my feet to get away from him, but he put all of his weight on me, pinning me to the bed. Grabbing the edge of the sheet he tore off a long strip.

He got off of me, pulling me by my feel he lifted me and threw me over his shoulders, but I didn’t go quietly. I dug my nails into his back, leaving trails of blood and still he didn’t let me down until we were standing in the shower.

Forcing me to my knees, he pulled my hands above my head and used the strip of the sheet to tie it to the base of the shower. I started panicking because I didn’t know what he intended to do.

“K-Killian, what are you doing?”

He never answered me, instead he reached up and turn the shower. The iciness of the shower caused me to scream, and when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he turned it up to the coldest.

I tried opening my mouth to talk but the water kept flooding it, the coldness beating down on my naked skin started seeping through to my bones.

He turned to leave me there and that’s when I broke down and started begging. The freezing water against my skin was just too much for me to bear.

“K-Killian, p-please d-don’t l-leave m-me!! I p-promise I-I’ll b-be g-good, d-don’t l-leave m-me h-here, p-please!”

He stopped and turned back to look at me, and for a moment I thought I saw something in his eyes that looked like regret and guilt, but I knew I imagined it when he turned and left me there, locking the door behind him.