A REASON FOR MARRIAGE

“I’m going home tonight, Simon. I have called a cab and it will be here any minute. I will send for my things sometime during the week,”

Simon stood just inside the door of the living room where Sara had been waiting to confront him all afternoon. And now she’d blurted the words out with little or no finesse. They hung baldly in the air between them.

Simon looked utterly cold and remote. This was what Sara had had a glimpse of when she’d first met him, the side of him she’d always thought would be formidable. And it was. He put down his case and walked over to the drinks cabinet on the opposite side of the room. He poured himself a neat drink of something powerful before turning back to Sara.

“What do you want me to say, Sara?” he asked.

She crossed her arms even tighter across her chest as if she could stop her heart beating and feeling so much pain. Pain that she still denied to herself. “I don’t want you to say anything. You don’t have to say anything.”

He gave a short, curt laugh and downed the liquid in one, before turning back to pour himself another. “No, I forgot. You’re not into conversation, are you? I tried that. I think all you want is a gigolo.”

“Stop that. That’s unfair.”

“Oh, really? And how is it that our best communication was in bed last night?”

Sara blanched. “Look, I appreciate what you wanted to do.”

His voice was icy. “Don’t patronize me, Sara. Do what you want, but don’t do that. I’m not asking you to marry me.” He ran a hand through his hair, the first signs of anger coming out. “God forbid I might do that! I’m offering you everything on a plate. And a chance to build a life together for the sake of a family. Not even your ex fiance offered you that. He might have been engaged to you, but he never offered what I’m offering,”

“Don’t bring him into this.”

“Why not?” Simon taunted. “Isn’t he the reason you’ve got that Fort Knox of defenses around you? The reason you won’t let anyone close, not even the father of your unborn child?”

“There’s more to it than that,” Sara gritted out, shamingly aware that Simon spoke the truth. She felt cornered again, panicky. “What you’ve been doing is tantamount to…a…a deception. You could have told me what you had in mind, but you let me believe that you wanted to set me up as some sort of mistress. And then you bring me out to the suburbs and make me see what you’re doing, opening up to me…,” Sara couldn’t stop the incoherent jumble of thoughts spilling out. “It’s almost as if you’re trying to get me to-”

Fall in love with you…The words flashed into her head and she stopped, stunned. She knew they were wrong, but that word ‘love’ made her feel weak. Even more claustrophobic.

Simon stayed where he was, rocking back on his heels, surveying her coolly. “To what, Sara? Trust me? Is that it?” He downed the rest of the liquid and slammed the glass down, making her flinch. “Is that such a crime?”

Sara shook her head; her arms felt numb now, she held them across her body so tight. “No…it’s not. I’m sorry, I just can’t…can’t do this. With you.”

“You can’t trust me, you mean. You can’t even try. You won’t even think about keeping an open mind. And what do you think is waiting for you back at home?”

Sara winced at his condemnation. She hitched up her chin. “I have my job, Simon. I’ll focus on it,”

Simon’s mouth twisted. “How fortunate. And what do you think you’re going to do about our child?”

Sara felt bleak and hollow inside. “I told you from the start, you can have as much access as you want. I’d never deny you that, Simon,”

Just then her phone rang. It was obviously the driver calling to tell her that the cab was outside. Sara moved forward on wooden legs. She avoided Simon’s eye, but just when she drew alongside him, he gripped her arm and pulled her round.

“I am the father of your child, and I won’t have you sideline me. I can’t lock you in here. If you want to go, then go, but I’m not going to come running after you. I don’t chase women.” His eyes burnt right through her with a fierce black intensity.

“I know,” she said through stiff lips. This was it. Already she could feel herself anticipating the pain of one day seeing him with someone new, but she had to bury it deep, because if she even thought of that for a second now, she wouldn’t make it out the door.

__________

Three days later.

Simon concluded his meeting with the three men in his office, including Scott McCall. He shook hands with the men, and sat back behind his desk as they left, but Scott stayed, and when the door closed behind them, he sat back down.

“So how did it go?” Scott asked.

“How did what go?” Simon returned, although he knew exactly what Scott was talking about, he just wasn’t sure that he wanted to address the topic or even think about it, because everytime he did, he was punished with the image of Sara leaving him, and every time it felt someone had ripped out his heart.

Scott on the other hand looked very surprised, “Don’t mess with me, Simon. The last we saw each other, you showed me a ring. You said you were going to propose to my sister when you got home that evening. Vivian and I have been waiting to hear from either of you but we didn’t. I didn’t want to ask Sara anything because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

It was Simon’s turn to look surprised. He straightened in his chair, “Have you spoken to Sara since then?”

“Yes I have, but she didn’t say anything about you guys getting engaged so I didn’t ask,”

“And she didn’t mention anything else?”

“No she didn’t. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Simon shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, “I never got to propose,” he said regretfully, “I didn’t get to ask. When I got back home that evening, she was waiting for me… To tell me that she was leaving. She went back to her apartment…”