A REASON FOR MARRIAGE

After so much build up Sara was helpless not to respond, even though she knew in some small, still-rational part of her brain that it would be much better for her to step back and say no. But her body had other ideas. Her hands were already scrabbling for his shirt, pulling it out of his trousers. She was aching to feel his skin. She reached for buttons, found them and opened them impatiently, and somehow managed to push the shirt off his broad shoulders where it fell to the floor unseen and already forgotten beside hers.

Simon pulled back, breathing harshly. “You turn me into something…You make me feel like I’ve still got my past in my blood. Like I’m untamed.”

Sara reached up a hand and curved it around his jaw. Everything that had just happened previously was forgotten. “It’s not a bad thing, it’s a part of you.” She reached up and pressed a kiss to his jaw, and she felt it clench. “I can handle it. Show me what it’s like.”

Simon bent and lifted Sara into his arms, striding into her bedroom and depositing her on the bed. He ripped off the rest of his clothes and then he was standing in front of her, naked and massively aroused. Sara sat up on the side of the bed and reached for him, pulling him to her. She looked up at him as her hand closed around his hard length and as she took him into her mouth.

She could feel that he was trying to control himself. He brought a hand to her head; she felt it shaking. But he wouldn’t let her bring him to the edge or beyond. He stopped her and pulled back, and then his big hands reached underneath and lifted her bodily back onto the bed. With a flick of his wrist, he smoothed her pants down and off her legs. He ran a hand over the slight swell of her belly, the only indication of their child growing within. He pressed a kiss to it, and inexplicably Sara felt tears threaten. As if to drive the emotion away, she reached down and pulled Simon up her body. She could see a harsh glitter in his eyes, as if he knew what she was doing.

“Please,” she begged, opening her legs around him, feeling his weight and strength between them. “I want you now.”

He rested over her on his hands for a long moment and Sara bit her lip. She couldn’t take her eyes away from his; she knew there was a silent battle of wills going on. But finally, just when she thought he was going to make her beg, he slipped a hand under her buttocks, tilting her up towards him, and then with one deep, cataclysmic thrust, he entered her and she felt as if he’d touched her soul.

She wrapped her legs around him as far as she could, drawing him in deeper and deeper, going with him when he pulled out, and drawing him in tight again when he thrust back. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, her mouth blindly finding and pressing kisses to any bit of exposed flesh, and he took them higher and higher. When the pinnacle came after an excruciatingly exquisite climb, Sara reached a hand down to his buttock and with her other held on tight as the waves of pleasure and release washed through her. She felt his own release burst free inside her, as his back tautened and tensed. His whole body was rigid as helpless after-shocks rushed through him too.

He came down over her and rolled them so that he lay on his side. Their breath mingled, and came harsh and swift. Sara was tucked into his chest, his weight off her belly. Still entwined with Simon from arms down to legs, intimately joined, Sara fell immediately into a deep sleep, not even waking when Simon extricated himself, or moved her under the covers or left her alone in the bed to go back to his own room. He sent one brief glance back to her in the bed, the set of his features grim.

__________

The next morning when Sara woke, she had a delicious feeling of satisfaction. She was aware of pleasurable aches and pains throughout her body before the entire previous night came back in vivid recall. Instantly, the warm feeling seeped away and she tensed. Even though she was lying down, the world spun on its axis for a moment.

She didn’t have to look to know that Simon hadn’t spent the night in the bed with her. She didn’t hear any sounds from the apartment. Getting up, she grimaced when she felt tender. After washing and dressing, she went outside, but she knew Simon had gone to work. She found a note in the kitchen:

We need to talk.

-Simon.

Fear and trepidation rushed through Sara’s body as she recalled everything that had preceded their explosive lovemaking the previous night. Had he really told her that he wanted to make a go of this, create a proper family life? He’d even said that he’d respect her wish not to marry, knowing that she wouldn’t want that. But that truth rocked her: he’d contemplated marriage?

Simon was offering her security, more than just an extension of their affair. She knew she couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that strings were very much a part of it now. Her hand went to her belly; they weren’t strings, they were ropes, binding her and Simon together forever whether she liked it or not.

That panicky feeling was back, and even stronger this time. It threatened to consume Sara utterly. Feeling claustrophobic, she went out for a walk. Anything to try and clear her head.

She came back later, feeling just as muddled as ever.

Simon didn’t know what he was talking about, offering her this life. She’d seen it before. He’d change to adapt, but ultimately he would revert back to what he was.

And Sara didn’t want to look at why that cut her so deeply. She told herself it was because she couldn’t put herself through trusting someone again, but in her heart of hearts she knew she wasn’t being honest with herself. That was only the half of it. She was in love with him, and he wasn’t in love with her, and despite how good the life he was offering sounded, it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t love each other.