The Tour
She’d been dreading the tour ever since she agreed to do it. A private tour means more time alone with him. She wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Is he going to bring it up? But she needed to know if he had told anyone about them now that they were working and living in close proximity. Now that they have mutual friends. They’re not strangers anymore.
It was silent in the gallery. The only sound she could hear was the humming from the air conditioner and her footsteps walking into the spacious building. It was a little after 7 PM, the gallery was closed to the public, and all the employees had gone home. A soft floral scent soothed her sense of smell. The dim lights made the place feel more homey. Then she remembered that Roman actually lived there, and she was entering his home.
She took a deep breath and hugged herself from the chill. She should’ve asked him to do the tour in the daytime when there were people around. The whole setting felt too private; she was getting cold feet. As she turned around to cancel the tour, he was standing right behind her.
“Are you cold?”
He looked like he just got out of the shower, his hair was wet, and he smelled like fresh soap. He was wearing plaid baggy pants and a casual T-shirt with a thick scarf around his neck like he was ready for his TV dinner and going to bed.
“It’s a bit chilly here; I forgot that everyone’s already gone home,” she rubbed the side of her arms.
He removed his scarf and put it around her, “I’ll turn down the temperature.” He walked over to the AC control panel and pressed some buttons.
His scarf smelled like him, the new him. Roman Murphy. Their time together was brief. They knew almost nothing about each other, but whenever she was with him, he was familiar.
“That should take care of it,” he commented about the AC. “Now, shall we take the tour? Have you had dinner yet?”
She shook her head, “I just got off work and came here.”
“Do you want to have dinner with me? I make one hell of an instant noodle.”
They laughed.
“No, thank you, I promised Declan I’ll have dinner with him tonight,” she was raising her shield.
He raised a brow and gave a half smile, “Maybe next time … okay, all the items down here are already accounted for. Let’s go see the ones upstairs.”
He led her to the stairs at the back of the building.
“So … you live upstairs?” she asked while going up.
“Yeah, fourth floor; I can’t afford to rent another place … and God forbid if I have to live with my dad and his new wife,” he chuckled.
The second floor was more dense. There was corridor after corridor like a maze. The objects consisted of photographs and paintings; most of them were his work. They walked through the narrow hallway that opened up to a vast space in the middle of the room, with objects displayed in glass casings. A large photograph on the center wall, a twirling dolphin, and a sheer fabric flew against the wind. She recognized it; it was hers. The picture was taken when she was watching the dolphins on Ludus.
She stood frozen in front of it, not knowing what to say. The plaque underneath the picture says, “For Adele.” She turned to him. His eyes were watching her.
“Is this included in the catalog?”
He shook his head, “That’s private property … I thought it looked good in this room … it reminded me when I saw you standing on that deck facing the blue ocean all alone.” He walked to her side. They looked at the picture together, and it almost felt like they were back on that ship. The name Adele was appropriate since it was Adele who stood there that day. Even after discovering her real name, he put “For Adele” on purpose.
“Do you want to see the items, Olivia?”
She smiled, “Sure … my friends call me Livy.”
He looked away, “I’m not your friend.” His voice shifted the atmosphere.
She pretended to ignore his comment and took out her notebook to list the objects.
“You know I can just give you the list … you don’t have to write them down?”
She glanced at him, “Then why am I here?”
He had his hands in his pocket, and he tilted his shoulders, “I just thought you might want to look at them first … and I want to see you … just you.”
They looked at each other in silence. It’s finally happening. The conversation she wanted to avoid.
“Was this all just a coincidence?” she braved herself to ask the question.
He pursed his lips, he wanted to lie, but he found himself helpless when it came to her, “Of course not.”
Her heart dropped to her stomach, “Why?” she looked at him bewildered, “Do you want closure? Is that it?”
He grimaced slowly, shaking his head; there was a pause, “Because you said ‘yes'”
“I never said that …”
“Not with your mouth …” he challenged her with a look. He was so sure of what he just said.
She shook her head, “I told you … you have to find someone else,” her hands were getting cold. “I’m married.”
“That does not make me want you any less,” he was calm.
She covered her face with both hands, “You need to stop this, Roman, this is madness … it’s been two years … we have to move on from that.”
“It’s been two years, and there isn’t a day I don’t think about it … I can’t move on from it… can you?”
She turned away and shook her head again, “I can’t do this … we’re supposed to work together … this can’t be happening,” she was trembling.
“Nothing is going to happen … unless you let it … I’m just telling you how it is for me,” he cocked his head to one side, “And I’ve been wondering how it is for you.”
Her stomach tightened; how could he still have that effect on her? He wasn’t forcing himself on her; he was giving her the choice. Her body reacted to her fear because she still felt everything she felt for him two years ago. “I have to go.”
“You can’t run from your own feelings; why don’t you stay and talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about … it’s over … please, Roman,” she was shivering, “I’m scared … did you tell anyone about us?”
He was silent for a moment. He wanted to hold her close and kiss her, but all she could think about was whether their secret had been told to someone else.
“No,” he said quietly. He walked over and wrapped his arms around her, “I miss you so much.”
She buried her face in his chest; being inside his embrace felt like home. His warm hands rubbed her back. It calmed her down. Her breathing was getting steadier.
“I’m sorry,” she broke away. “I’m sorry for lying to you about my name … I’m sorry for leaving like that … and I’m sorry that you have to go through all that trouble to find me again … but I can’t be with you, Roman … I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
It took everything she had not to shed a tear. She couldn’t hold it any longer; she didn’t even wait for his reply. She ran as fast as she could because she knew if she stayed, things could turn in another direction. What she felt for him was wrong; she was not a cheater, and she was not the kind of person who could go behind her husband’s back to be with another man. No matter how much she wanted to.
—
His words echoed in her mind on the car ride home. She wanted to believe that it was all a coincidence, but he was looking for her all these years. She lied to herself by believing it was just a fling. It was a mistake. She was over it. When the truth is she was running away from something real, too difficult to deal with, she had found someone. It made her feel like an asshole.
She wiped every trace of tears from her face. Declan would want to know how the tour went. She was about to open her door when her phone rang.
Declan: Hey, sweetie, how did the tour go?
Olivia: Hey, it was fine … I’m at the door. Are you inside?
Declan: Oh … sorry honey, I should’ve called earlier, but I didn’t want to bother your tour … I’m stuck at work … I can’t make it for dinner … do you mind having dinner without me? Just leave something for me to heat up later … I don’t think I’d be home before midnight.
Olivia: Oh …
Declan: Yeah, it’s that shipment that’s being stalled in Costa Rica … it’s disrupting all our logistics dates; I have to make overseas phone calls, and they have different times…
Olivia: (Opening the front door) Of course … don’t worry about it, I’m inside. I’m gonna lock the door and leave the latch unhooked.
Declan: Sure… don’t wait up … I’ll have a raincheck on dinner … we’ll go to Sebastian’s on the weekend, okay?
Olivia: Sure … see you later …