Under a Starless Sky

Chapter 43

It took effort to remove his uniform due to it’s non-functioning status. An orb took it to recycle the

material. A new bracelet was given to him- the bracelet could grow a new suit in an instant. This new

bracelet was shielded against EM-pulse, and could be used after an event to renew his tech- or create

another uniform from scratch- and would likely repopulate its core function using the hardcopy of Loxy

from the ring. He was assured the ring was not damaged, as it was simply a ring with a diamond with

holographic imprint. He got a shower in the master bedroom. It was warm and wonderful. The

bathroom and soap smelled like oranges. An orb brought him a warm, fluffy towel. Dried, he directed

his bracelet to manifest clothes fit for sleeping. Boxers and t-shirt arrived on him. He sat on the bed.

The flame on the tower was visible through the window. Goats were comfortably sleeping in the hay

below, in a newly sectioned off portion of the court yard. TL entered.

“May I sit by you?”

Shen nodded. TL came and sat by him. She touched his face, wet with tears.

“I am tired of being angry,” Shen said.

“You have struggled with that for a long time,” TL said. He nodded. “Have you considered that your

anger is elevated because you have never had the time or energy to deal with it?”

“It’s out of proportion due to past trauma? I am responding to a past event?” Shen asked. “How long do

I have to keep repairing old trauma?”

“Forever, in ever decreasing increments,” TL said. “Another possibility is you’re angry because you’re

not doing something you’re supposed to be doing.”

“Back to that vague implication that I know what I don’t know shit? So, my unconscious knows

something, but I am not privy to knowing that something, and so subconscious is mad at me because I

am not doing something because I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing?” Shen asked. He tried

to sort it after saying. “Exactly! How the hell is that fair? And if subconscious is pushing anger to get me

to do something, wouldn’t be easier just to tell me what I should be doing instead of being mad at me

for not being as smart as he is at figuring out what that something is?”

“That’s sort of the clarity I was aiming at,” TL said.

“I don’t speak Hebrew. I don’t want God coming at me with lightening, burning bushes, or fucking

cryptic ass message that is so vague it could make fortune cookies look meaningful,” Shen said.

TL laughed. “So, Jonah, you’re mad at God, too?”

“I thought I was Job. Still, Jonah is interesting archetype. How about you psychoanalyze me?” Shen

asked.

“You want me to do Freudian therapy to see what’s going on in there?” TL asked.

“Why not?” Shen asked.

“One, that could take ten years or more to discover the root of it, and, two, it’s really expensive,” TL

said.

“You’re going to charge me?” Shen asked.

“I should. Shamans, psychics, counselors, and doctors require compensation or they can’t do what

they do,” TL said.

“Fuck me,” Shen said.

“I accept the terms of payment, but that changes the nature of the relationship, which could block

therapeutic outcomes,” TL said.

“That’s not true,” Shen said.

“You’re right. Sex can be incredibly healing, and the fastest past into the brain is through the body.

Overload the body, you overload the brain, and answers spill out through decreased barriers. Except

your paradigm of origin makes that a crime, and you will have resistance to the intensity of that

therapeutic modality. Contrary to popular belief, sexual surrogates can’t legally practice in the US,” TL

said. “They exist, but they could be arrested, and the therapist that recommended it could be arrested.”

“Why do we have so many hangs up about sex?” Shen asked.

TL shrugged. “People are complicated. Societies are complicated. Being human is complicated. Your

sexual body comes online at a time when your brain is still maturing. Good judgment steadily rises with

every year advanced, plateauing in your forties, if you’re male. Females tend to mature faster

physically, psychologically, and emotionally, plateauing in their thirties. You were sexualized way early

in origin. Interestingly, your physical body here remembered that, and activated at the same time. Only

this time around, you didn’t have the abuse. So, you psychologically recreated the memories for the

body, or, and this also a plausible answer- your biological family vector has generational abuse and

trauma was passed to you genetically. Epigenetics has solid evidence that PTSD is generational. The

sins of the fathers can last seven generations is no longer just a metaphor. We all carry things that are

given to us, psychologically, physically. Regardless of the vectors, I can’t even begin to imagine how

difficult it has been for you to process the pain of...”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Shen said.

“Okay,” TL said. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Should I process things as if I were Shen or Jon?” Shen asked.

“Wow. Interesting question. Are there benefits to being Shen?” TL asked.

“My youth,” Shen said. He put a hand on her hand, but didn’t look at her. He looked through her

reflection in the glass. “My time with you.” Tears fell. “And I am messing it all up.” He got up and went to

the glass. She got up and came with him. “I am so damn emotional.”

“Did you forget how powerfully you use to feel things when you were younger? Have you considered

that in your previous childhood you weren’t afforded the luxury of feeling this deeply?” TL offered.

“Maybe this is the childhood of long, peaceful silence. Be you, be a kid, have fun, and sort some

things.”

“You don’t understand,” Shen said.

“Explain it to me,” TL said.

“I love you,” Shen said.

“You love Loxy,” TL corrected.

“I love you,” Shen said.

“Yay. I love you, too,” TL said.

“If I stay here, I won’t want to go home,” TL said.

“Yes, you will. You love me, but you love Loxy. She and I are one. I am her, she is me. I assure you,

she will be made whole with you. I am the voice of the Siren that brings you home,” TL said. “I will

always be with you. Loxy will always be with you. There can be no confusion, no jealousy, no fear,

because we are love,” TL said.

TL took his hand, led him back to bed. They laid down together, facing each other. She touched his

face gently, scooted closer, and kissed him. “No more talk. Let’s sleep. Save some words for

tomorrow.”

Shen actually fell asleep. TL smiled and whispered, “I love you. Find me in your dreams.”