billion book
Chapter 17
Chapter 17
17. My Demons
SKYLA.
As the door shuts behind him, my small smirk fades away, and I look around the cottage. That cosy touch feels empty… My stomach drops, guilt filling me, followed by a void, one so deep it almost hurts to
breathe. This is the part I hate the most; I know my flaws… I know when I’m fucking up but it doesn’t stop me from self- sabotaging everything. Even then, it’s easier to identify my flaws and another thing entirely trying to move away from them. 1
Breaking a cycle that, for a fleeting moment, fills that emptiness, is hard. I live in those moments… It offers me temporary relief, a distraction I really need from the constant war that wages in my mind. But it always comes to an end and then it all sinks in, knowing I fucked up. But deep down I know I’ll do it all over again, because I need that,
those small moments of reprieve they offer
4
Picking up my phone, I unlock it and click on the chat app. It’s instinctual, another bad habit of mine that I’ve picked up recently. It
has become a part of my routine… One I
always knew would probably end in disappointment, yet still, I check my
messages anyway.
Still nothing.
Sighing heavily, I stare unseeingly at the
screen.
I can still feel his touch on my body, and I
don’t know how to feel about it. In the
moment everything feels good, but then… now, I feel hollow. Moving toward the front door, I can still smell his scent clinging to me, to this place…. 1
Locking the door, I sigh, resting my forehead against the wood before I slowly
turn and head to the bedroom. A place that
still smells of him and sex… It’s like I can’t
escape him, escape what I did. I messed up and once Royce finds out…
I sigh heavily, feeling sick with guilt and I
turn away, shutting the door, hoping hist scent won’t linger too long.
“Meow?”
Malevolent’s whine draws my attention to
her, and I smile softly as I crouch down and
scoop her into my arms. “Come on, little
one.” I whisper, nuzzling my nose into her
neck. She’s my forever one.
Nothing helps, nothing ever helps.
Royce’s words fill my mind. ‘You’re worth
more than a one-night hook-up…’ Why do
those words sting so much more now?
I shake my head; he just doesn’t know me…
Knowing I won’t be able to go back to the
bedroom, I head to the lounge and drop onto
the sofa, cradling Malevolent to my chest. I
curl up, staring at the ceiling, and watch the shadowy patterns of the rustling leaves
outside the window reflect. I’m in the dark, and the curtains are open, but I have no energy to get up and close them.
Why did I do it?
Sure, casual hook-ups aren’t uncommon for
me, but with someone who I know and is a teacher at the school? Usually, I am not that foolish, nothing good will come of this.
Sure, I know I wanted Royce, and his refusal was getting to me… Yeah, I’m not making sense. Was I trying to prove something?
Yes, I was, and I know it makes me a bitch, but if I couldn’t have Royce, then I’ll settle
for his brother.
Nicely played Sky…
Shame fills me. If Royce finds out, I bet he’ll be disgusted that I bounced from one
brother to the other so easily… 1
Nice work.
Rolling onto my side, I run my fingers
through my hair, breathing deeply, wanting
nothing more than to hurt something,
anything. I want to scream, and cry, the guilt and hollowness seeping deeper inside me.
Stupid, how can I always be so fucking
stupid? People think I’m a fucking badass
just because I’m tough and I’ll jump to
protect you with everything I have… but no one sees the fucked up shit inside my head… 1
Sucking in a deep breath, I flex my fingers, trying to rid the horrid feeling eating away
at me and creating a void so big I may just
slip into it and never return. That
maddening state where you want to scream
and cry, both threatening to take over, the
urge to wreak havoc and destroy everything
around me, or even… destroy myself…
I just want to feel something other than empty, angry or out of control…
My lip quivers and I stare at the backrest of the sofa, trying to regain myself. Even if I agreed to a casual thing, I can’t let it happen again even if he was pretty good in bed or if he gave me an incredible orgasm… I can’t… not with him. It’s wrong on so many levels.
But… it is momentary… deep down, I know I’ll fuck up again. I always do.
I stare at my phone. Reign…
I feel sick, feeling as if I’m betraying him, but he’s the one refusing to talk to me… but does it even matter? It’s not like we are a
couple-
His ex. Fuck!
I jolt upright, my heart thundering, and I wonder if something happened and they’re
together again.
The thought hurts, but I should be happy for
him. That doesn’t mean he needed to cut it
off with me… and stop talking to me.
You’re overthinking Sky, chill.
I can feel my anger and frustration rising, and my claws elongate.
Fuck calm down…
Malevolent meows, but even she knows to move away when I lose control. My heart thunders and right now, I can’t lose control. I hate how I have empty blanks in my memory whenever I completely spiral. What if I do something I regret?
Standing up, I run to the bedroom. Pulling open my top chest drawer, I scramble around, dropping my phone in the process; it hits the floor, but I don’t care. I can feel myself losing control, feel the beast within raging to come forward.
I grab one of the vials of serum with shaking hands and bite off the lid, my eyes blazing, my aura raging around me so powerfully that even the spells Delsanra and Raihana, two of the most powerful witches of our time
have put on me to mask my aura, are not enough right now. 2
I growl as my Lycan tries to stop me from
taking it, but I win and gulp it down. Pain. rips through me and I scream in agony as it cripples me, making me fall to my knees. The poison bleeding through me, setting my blood on fire, as it eats away at the monster
within me. 4
My eyes sting and it feels like my head will burst as I grab onto the chest of drawers, my
nails splinter the wood but I can’t hold on
and tumble forward, my head hits the
ground, my heart beating violently as my body tries to fight the poison. My vision blurs and I feel the anger fade away…
Pain and sex… they help… I prefer the latter… I hate having to resort to this… 2
My eyelids flutter shut, only the pounding of
my heart is violently beating in my ears, my breath shuddering and I feel Malevolent brush against my hands, but I can’t move…
Dad… Mama….. everyone has tried to help me
control it… but only I can… no one can do it.
for me… and I’m failing, I always fail…
I feel…
My mind becomes blurry, hazy even.
Peace…
My mind feels at ease and I lay there for a
while until the beeping of my phone makes me open my eyes and I slowly reach over for
it.
Who would text me at this time?
I gasp when I see the notification, my eyes flying open.
Reign!
I force myself to sit up, my entire body
feeling so much heavier, as I somehow
unlock my phone and stare at the message. It takes me several moments to read it as my
vision comes in and out of focus.
Reign707: Hey stranger, I’m sorry, but I had something come up, and I had a big
argument that really bloody angered me. I ran into some issues and then couldn’t get into my account long story short. But I’ve created a new account to be on the safe side and will stop using this one. I’ll send you a message from there. I am sorry and I promise I’ll make it up to you… if you have it in you to forgive me, I really do want to meet up with you and I think once you agree, you’ll understand. I’ll wait for your reply.
Goodnight. 1
My stomach drops as I stare at his message, reading it again.
What? He didn’t mean to blank me? It’s too
much to focus on when my head is
pounding. Another message pops up and I read it through my blurred vision.
Reign2.0: This is my new one. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
I don’t know what to make of it and I drop
onto my side, closing my eyes. For now… I just want to forget it all…
Now I really feel like I betrayed Reign… I
couldn’t even wait and think it over with a
level mind… I let my emotions win once
again…
As always. I failed.
A/N: Hello everyone! Firstly Happy
Valentines! My Alpha was fully satisfied with the day so I managed this chapter in XD on a serious note, I know many people aren’t liking the book but I always stick to plan, Skyla will make decisions which might make you hate her, or you find it sick, but this is her story, and we are going to see it through every step, until the end. There will be things you won’t like but I never deviate from the plan. So when you need a break from the story, please take it.