The Soldier Next Door

They say that love is blind; I say it is bullshit. Love is all-seeing and accepting. Love is seeing all the flaws and blemishes of your partner and accepting them. Love is accepting their bad habits and working around them. Love is recognizing the fear and insecurities you might have. Love is fragile and will shatter when it is not perfect. Love is strong and should strengthen each day. What is blind is when you tell someone you love them and not meaning it.

I am left to believe that Ana only decided to come here to please me. Well, it has just kind of blown up in her own face. Unless she really wants to be here, this is going to be like a death sentence. She has committed herself for six years, and it is not like she can just quit and go home. Unlike her, this is my dream; it does sadden me that she won’t be with me while we go through this. Guess that is why they call it a dream, for it most probably is only a dream to me.

Now I have Ray looking at me with those questioning eyes. Is this something I really want? I have repeatedly asked myself this very question over the past hours, and my broken heart keeps coming up with the same answer.

“Yes, Ray, I am very sure about this; this is not the first she had ducked when the kitchen got too hot for her.”

“You want to stay with the rest of the guys or on your own?”

“I think since we are deploying now, I shall stay with them but ultimately on my own when we return.”

“Perfect, I shall arrange with Gibbs and Williams.”

Just then, Ray’s phone rings; as he looks down and back up again, he looks at me with almost pleading eyes. “It is Ana.”

“Guess she is already looking for a way out.”

“Let me grab this; I will catch up with you inside.”

…Ana POV…

The last thing I need now is to be around Ethan. He is absolutely furious with me; I have no idea how I am supposed to face him after this. The best thing now for me is to ask for a transfer and just hope I do not bump into him in the next six years. So I am phoning Ray to get a transfer to another platoon.

“Hey Ana, how are you doing?”

“I am sure that you have heard from Ethan by now?”

“Yes, I have just bumped into him. I am really sorry to hear about you guys.”

“Then I think you know why I am phoning.”

“I will see what I can do; I cannot promise anything as I already pulled some strings to get you in there in the first place.”

“Thank you, Ray.”

I watch as Katarina is watching me with wide eyes. I know what she is thinking; I can hardly believe what is happening. Why does Ethan have to be so damn stubborn? I only meant the wedding, not us. And to make things even worse, I have Mary sitting in the lounge, and I do not have the guts to go speak to her. Poor Katarina is trying to console me the best that she can.

“You guys will sort things out before you deploy.”

“I don’t think so; Ethan is the most stubborn man that I have ever known. Now he is stubborn and hurt, which makes it even worse.”

“I don’t know what more to say to you. Maybe you should have just waited instead of deciding on impulse.”

“I was only trying to give him what he needs; I guess that lying to him, I have just been lying to myself.”

…Ethan POV…

So my father and Matt have managed to make this Marine drunk. Now to be drunk on a broken heart is never a wise thing to do, but if Ana thinks that I will be running back to her, she has another coming.

After finishing one last round, the three of us practically hang over each other as we make our way home. All I need is to get some sleep and forget that this day ever happened; it is a pity that I cannot erase the last few months; I guess it is part of those dreadful lessons you need to learn in life. It kind of sucks, though, when it happens to you

So the minute we get home, I go to the room to change into something with less of an alcohol aroma. I think a third of everything I drank has landed up on my shirt. But as I step inside the room, I find Ana and Katarina sitting on the bed.

“Sorry I will come back later.”

“Ethan, please wait. Can we just talk about this?”

“There is nothing to talk about, Ana.”

But being Ana, she does not listen to me and just carries on, “I only meant call the wedding off, not break us off.”

“Hey, if I am not good enough to be a husband, then surely I am not good enough to a boyfriend.”

“Come on, that is not fair.”

“What is not fair is you stringing me along.”

“I did not string you along. How dare you even say that?.”

Her words hit me square in my face. How dare I say it? I am only saying what she has been too scared to say herself. She has been doing this for all the wrong reasons. Then she wants to play it on me, that she is doing this for me. I do not think she herself knows why she finds herself here in any case. This only brings the anger that was raging earlier in my heart back to show its ugly head again.

“Then tell me, why are you here, in Pendleton?”

“I wanted to be here for you.”

“See, that is your problem; you are doing it because of me, not because you truly want to be here.”

“I do want to be here.”

“Yes, only to please me. Well, you need not please me anymore.”

“Come on, Ethan, don’t be like this.”

“Be like what? The moment Paul shows up here, you call the wedding off.”

I watch her face as she is obviously trying to find the right words to say. She knows I am angry and does not want to make it any worse than it already is. Well, I am afraid it has already gotten as worse as what it can get. Then she comes with the same words that she has been repeating for the past few hours.

“I just think that we are doing it for the wrong reasons.”

“Oh, god forbid I want to marry you because I love you. Is that such a wrong reason?.”

The pain immediately flairs up in her face, but it is not a pain that shows that she is hurt; it is a pain that shows her words run true, that she did truly meant every word that she said. Perhaps she did not mean for it to come out the way that it did.

“Soldier, please.”

“Do not soldier me; you lost that privilege a few hours ago. Now if you shall excuse me, I have got somewhere else to be.”

“Ethan, please stop!”

“No, Ana, it is over!”

With that, I leave the room and whatever there was between Ana and me. My heart slowly dies with each deafening beat, but I hold up my chin and swallow any emotion that was in my eyes. I am Ethan Hunter; I am a Marine; I do not show emotion. I experience no pain and are not overly happy. I am here to follow my dream, and if it does not include a woman that I love, then so be it.

And it is with this thought in mind that I settle myself on the couch for the night. My family will be here until tomorrow night, so I shall spend as much time as I can with them before I move over to what shall be my new home until deployment. As for what happens to Ana, I truly hope she gets that transfer she wants, for I’m not taking her back even if she begs. She broke my heart for the second time, who says there won’t be a third.

But much to my irritation, she comes during the night to try and get me to talk again. There used to be a time when I found her determination rather appealing to her character, but now it is only making me mad. I know that I have been fairly rude to her, but if I give in now, then it means that I say that it is acceptable to treat me this way. Yes, she too has feelings, but sometimes put yours aside and think what those next words that come from your lips are going to do to someone else.

“Soldier, I just want you to answer me a question.”

“It is Ethan, and what do you want, Ana?”

“Is it really over between us?”