The Soldier Next Door

…Ana POV…

I have just told Ethan to get out of my sight.

He seems to be holding a secret, and that in itself, not even knowing what it is, has driven me beyond mad.

So I am left here with nothing but my thoughts and an evil that is growing inside. I have tried for the past several hours to let go of what is haunting me, but every time I think of him, I fall apart. The edges of my restraint have snapped, and I have stopped thinking straight almost an hour ago.

There is a darkness that is surrounding me with a suffocating grip on my chest. My only aim now is to rid myself of the pain that has consumed every fiber in my broken body.

But it is not working.

I am busy going fucking crazy.

Should I continue on this path, I am going to come down in one hell of a spectacular way. Crash and burn that is what Ana Jenkins is famous for.

All because of you, Ethan Hunter.

But because of you, I have found someone that I love. My feelings for you elude the four letters of love. I think it’s high time they coined a new word for it because saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t entirely depict the state of my heart.

But the state of my heart at this present moment is nothing but a fucking mess.

Ya, fuck this.

I grab the keys for my car off the table, and on my way to the door, I fling my jacket over my shoulder.

I need air.

I am busy dying.

I need to get away from myself.

Ethan always used to say that I am my own worst enemy. Well, that is definitely not a bullshit story. I will ruin myself without even having to put in a great effort.

I push the very thought to the back of my mind as I slide into the driver’s seat.

I should not be in this car.

Not now.

Not in the state that I am.

And most of all, it is coming down hard as the rain pounds on the roof of the car.

Well, I don’t give a shit; I want to feel the rush of adrenaline as it builds up to a heat under my chair, shooting that sensation that only Ethan makes me feel between my legs. God, even thinking of the parts that are feeling the thrill of anticipation, wants me to phone him.

God, I need him.

He has always been my push, my strength, and my fight. He is my all in all. I felt like the luckiest girl that day. I met him out there on that path, and him taking me for breakfast the next day. The way he kissed me that morning and the sweet words he spoke to me. His words have never left me since then, as he so casually whispered, “Boo.” I could barely keep my shit together. Here was this Marine, and he wanted me, the nobody girl that just found her way of there on the back of the mountain.

I needed not even have to second guess my choice that day.

So with this memory of a time when we were nothing but happy and the fact that I know that he has betrayed me, that I bring the car to life with a roaring start that shoots fires that feeling that I am craving to every corner of my body.

Whom the fuck needs sex if you have such a great machine vibrating between your legs. It is total ecstasy that is raging through my body, and just for that moment, the demon lays his head down to rest. But the minute the image of Ethan comes to mind, I am right there again.

All my life, I’ve always looked forward to having someone who would love me even just a little, and I thought that man was Ethan. I used to think to myself, what else is there to look for when I’ve got everything in him.

For a brief second, I smile as he breezes into my mind again.

But then I see that fucking bitch again; he need not even have to tell me what it is that he wants to tell me so desperately. I know that it has something to do with Emma, and I know from what he told me that he was rather close to her. Well, I was about to find out how close before I told him to get out. I have never been so mad in my life, yes I too did my share of cheating, but why has he not told me of this before.

Then the anger is brought back to the surface again. It is in my head, and I want it out; I don’t want this memory that will torment my dreams for what will be days to come.

So with the sheer determination to rid myself of my blackened memories, I push the car from zero to sixty in only two seconds. As the tires hit the tar, my voice echoes down the street, “Fuck you, Ethan Hunter!”

As I navigate between the cars, I push the car harder. I need to feel that speed. I need to reach that pique. So I race down the streets at a dangerous speed, all just to get a man out of my head that I know I still love.

They say happiness begins within you, but mine emanated from having him beside me. My thoughts, my mind, and my heart are all occupied by him alone. Even though there is so much hatred, I know that he has stolen my heart and all the good part in it belongs to him.

I am a firm believer that some people come into your life for a short period, while others are destined to stay till the end. Well, Ethan is my person; he is my destiny till the end. He is the reason for my persistent smiles; that is, of course, when I do not hate him.

I can simply not love him any lesser than this, but I know that I can hate him with more in me than I possess.

Fuck! I am confusing myself.

Do I love the man?

Or do I hate him?

Why do I so desperately want to go to him if I despise him so much then?

Perhaps if he truly walks away from me, I know that I could die.

All I know is that he is the only man that creates this same fire in my body. I can feel him carved in my soul, yet I feel him slice my heart open at the same time.

Why am I so set on hoarding Ethan for as long as I live? Whether I am going to hate him or love him, I know that he will never leave my life.

And life is something that I am putting in danger as I bring my car to a screeching stop, the back even swerves a bit to the right, and god, I really feel like I could die. But this is not where I am going to stop. I have made up my mind…

I am going to Gibbs…

So I, with newfound hope in my heart, that I spin the car around, throwing up a great deal of smoke that is burning from the tires. I don’t care. I need to be with him. I just need him to hold me for only an hour, that is all I need, and then I will take my shit and leave his life.

All I need for one moment is to taste the sweetest taste that lingers in his mouth. I want to stare into his tempting eyes. Just us, in a moment, muted. I need that spark that lights up my world, he is, and I wish I saw this before this plan failed that he is the only thing that I live for.

He is priceless.

Yes, we are entangled in one big fucking mess.

But I love him. I love the man. I cannot let him go. I cannot let us go.

So I push harder. I pick up at a ridiculous speed and swerve between the cars, barely missing them as my driving becomes more reckless by the second.

I just have to get to Ethan; I cannot wait to feel his tantalizing touch and his kisses that ignite a fire in me.

I need to get to him before I change my mind about my feelings. I have put my anger in a zip lock bag and dumped it in the trash where it rightly belongs.

The thought of him has calmed the waves; he has pulled me out of the water of tumult.

But water is not what I see ahead of me, and before I can ever react…

It all becomes black…