The Search for Freedom

Another day passed by; another day full of sadness, another day of regrets, another day of taking the winding stairs, another day of talking with Amara and the other servants, and another day that I wasted. Tomorrow was another day, and after tomorrow there would be another day, and so on, another day. It only meant one thing: that life was just a series of monotonous days and nights.

What if I use the pinkish cloud to go somewhere? so that I wouldn't be bored with repeating things in the mansion? Nonsense. I didn't even know how to summon that thing, but how much more control it to go somewhere I wanted? I didn't know if the old woman really gave me power or if she just cheated me, because I never had the power she was talking about. She only gave me a headache and work, which I could get nothing out of. Where was the power she'd mentioned? I sighed again, though I knew I could live without any power.

I had been sitting on the upholstered couch looking at the paintings made by a famous artist. The paintings have been hanging on the wall for many, many years. Maybe I was in elementary at that time when my dad hung them there. I could smell the memories of my parents' mansion. Everything around me was a souvenir or a remembrance of many things my parents did.

"Um, Kaila, I'm not intruding, but I noticed that you are always looking at the paintings of your dad," Amara said. "Do you want us to replace something in this mansion?"

"No! Everything is fine. You don't need to replace anything," I replied.

I knew that whatever I did, everything would not be imbedded in oblivion. The problem wasn't with the paintings or with anything around them. It was inside me, inside my heart and soul. I knew my parents could not be replaced there. I indeed didn't need to replace the paintings or anything around me because they were not doing anything wrong to me.

"Okay, I'm going to the other rooms to clean them," Amara said. "I know many rooms are now dusty, because some of the servants have been leaving here. There's nobody who would do them."

"You don't need to do that. There are some of the other servants who can clean the other rooms, so just leave it to them," I replied.

"But Kaila, I have nothing to do if I wouldn't be helping them. I don't want to be just wool-gathering here." She insisted while standing up from the couch, but I grabbed her hand, which startled her.

"Where are you going?" I asked in a way that was similar to what my mother was doing if she wanted someone to follow her order.

My hand drew back on Amara's, causing her to fall to the upholstered couch. I didn't know why I was so strong that I could pull her in just the blink of an eye, though she was taller and heavier than me.

"How could you do that?" Amara queried. "How could you pull me that way? You are so strong now! "

How could I pull Amara like that? I screamed the same question in my brain.

It wasn't me who pulled her, and it didn't cross my mind to pull her either. What was happening to me? Does my hand have its own brain? How could my hand spontaneously pull Amara? Maybe it was my instinct, but how could I have an instinct like that if I hadn't done that thing before?

"I'm sorry, Amara, but I didn't mean to drag you. I don't even know that I was so strong." I stared at my pink sneaker below.

"No, you don't need to say sorry because I wasn't hurt. I'm just confused about how you could pull me that quickly."

"You're not the only one who's confused. I'm also confused about it."

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"Don't worry too much, maybe that's just normal."

"Okay, but don't bother yourself with helping the other servants, or else I will be kicking you with my strong legs."

"I will obey you, not because I'm tired; I just want to be truthful; I'm afraid that you'll kick me. I don't want to bounce in the hard cols. My beauty will be gone if you do that."

"Haha-don't worry sister, I'm just joking. You're still beautiful, even though you will be bathing in mud. 'Beauty is not based on your appearance; real beauty comes from your heart,"" I told her.

"Whoa, you're so intelligent," she complimented. "Though you are not going to school anymore?"

"Going to school will just waste my time. I can learn, though I'm just staying here. There are too many books in the library of the mansion." I glanced at my watch and saw that it was already nine o'clock in the morning.

"But Kaila, though I haven't finished my schooling, I knew that it's different if there's someone who will teach you many things. I mean, you know, such as a teacher." Amara stood up.

"Where are you going?" I looked at her.

"In the kitchen, I will help those cooks prepare our lunch." She walked on the glossy floor towards the living room.

Amara was a bit stubborn. She had been saying that she would obey me, but why did she leave me alone inside that wide living room? If I showed her kindness, she wouldn't accept it, but if I ordered her to do something, she would ask me to show some kindness. I didn't know if what she wanted was a shrimp with pearls, or if she was the same as a fussy woman who wanted a shrimp with pearls. But I couldn't blame her, because it was really boring if you were not doing anything. Does having strong hands help me do something? Or would it just bring pain to other people? I didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I would never mean to hurt them. What if my next move couldn't be carried out by the word "I'm sorry" anymore? What should I do then? I didn't want to hurt someone without any clear reason.

I was tired of sitting on the couch, so I decided to visit the library of the mansion. I knew that reading books could give me solace. I wanted to read a romance novel so that I could forget my problems.

I got out of the living room. I walked on the concrete, glossy floor and looking straight ahead, I slightly raised my head as my mother told me. She was always reminding me about having perfect posture, to look tall and respected in others' eyes.

The servants' eyes widened when they saw me. I was wearing one of my favorite purple dresses. Mom told me that she had inherited that from her grandmother, and I also inherited it from her. I didn't know what that gown was made of until I came to wear it, though at first I didn't want to wear any antiquated garment.

I frequently felt as if I were in a fairytale land, with the servants treating me as their princess. They were bowing their heads as I passed by their front. That was how respectful the people around me were.