The Search for Freedom

Death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death

I was lying down on my wooden bed with my hands on my nape. I hadn't slept well thinking about the crime I'd committed. I remembered the way my hands punched the two women.

Those happenings were so fast, and as always, the regret was in the last part. It was all my mistake that I was so weak and there was nothing I could do to stop my hands from doing that crime. Perhaps that thing was part of the power the weird old man meant. If I wasn't mistaken, that power wasn't called power anymore, but a curse.

What did I do wrong that the old man gave me that kind of power? It was just stupendous at first, but I could not squeamishly see that I was hurting innocent people who were doing nothing wrong to me. I hate that kind of power, hoping that someone would take it from me.

A bluish cloud appeared in front of me. I sprang out of bed and went near. I didn't know why it appeared. I touched it, but it was the same as the air. I could only see it because it had a different color from other gases. I was startled when a cold hand that seemed to be the hand of a dead person seized my arm. The hairs on my skin stood up.

I was a mere stripling, and I didn't need anyone's help, because I knew that on most occasions there would be someone who could help me. I fought against my fear and tried to pull the hand back. I realized it belonged to the old man who gave me the bluish cloud. He stepped out of the bluish cloud.

He was wearing the same clothes as the first time I met him, but his face had become cleaner than before, and perhaps he had also grown stronger, for even his grip on my arm had left a mark.

I removed his hand from mine and the mark slowly disappeared. He was at the perfect time, for there were many questions in my mind. About the power he gave me and also about the bad effects of the power. I knew that killing those innocent women was part of it, and I didn't want to have that kind of curse anymore.

"Please remove this from me," I begged him in a low voice.

He stared at me with an asking gaze. He might be curious about why I quickly changed my mind, but then, his seriousness turned into a joke when he suddenly laughed like a demon.

"It's not my problem anymore. I'd already told you that there were some exchanges in giving you the power. Everything that you experienced, experienced, and will experience is part of it," he replied. "How dare you say that?" I scowled. "You cheated me. You said it was a power, but it was a curse!"

"Everything was your mistake, boy. You did not listen to my words before accepting the power." He laughed again. "You people are so thirsty and would do anything just to have power!"

"You were the one who offered me this, and I have no desire for power! Remove it from me and plug it into your lungs! You're a cheater! You cheated me! It's a curse!" I exclaimed in a continuous manner.

I tried to punch his shameless face, but he was also like the cloud, which could not be touched. I wondered if that was how he could touch me, though I could not touch him. Maybe he really was a powerful one. And maybe my parents heard me talking alone inside my room, which awakened them and knocked on the door. The old man and the bluish cloud suddenly disappeared from the spot where they appeared.

I was thinking about an alibi which I could use to defend myself from the scourge of truth while going towards the door. I mollified and placated myself before opening it. Then I saw the curiosity on my mother's face.

My father might be still asleep, and that favored me. I knew that my mother wasn't an inquisitive woman; she would listen and believe me like a fool in every word I wanted to say. Unlike my father, who made his own inferences and turned me wrong in the sight of anything, anyone, everything, or everyone.

"What happened? Is there something wrong?" She queried.

I replied, "Just practicing my speech for the school contest."

I knew my parents would not attend, even though there would be a grand program at our school. They were always busy working to get or buy what we needed every day. Even though they were not busy, they still wouldn't look there. Maybe they were afraid of being seen by someone. Maybe their fear of the crowd of people turned into a phobia?

"You woke up early. Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Mother inquired dubiously, looking me in the eyes.

I always avoided having eye-to-eye contact with anyone. So, I knew that she wouldn't doubt if I was telling the truth or not.

"Um, the truth was, I had not slept well," I replied.

"It's still early. Do you want me to sing you a song so that you can sleep?"

"Mama, I'm not a baby anymore. I had grown up already," I told her. "You should go back to sleep."

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"You're sixteen, so don't be shy: I can even sing a lullaby for your grandmother. It's not based on your age, okay?" She explained

"Okay." I walked towards my bed.

My mother entered the room and shut the door. She walked towards me and sat down on my bed. I lay down with my head perched on her thigh. She started to sing a lullaby. Her voice was so beautiful and gentle that it made me fall asleep in just a few short minutes.

When I woke up, my mother wasn't beside me anymore. And I wasn't searching for her either. I knew she had a lot of things to do, and I didn't want to waste her time. It was she who offered me her time. Having a mother like her was so rare, so I was thankful.

I could not be happy as long as I did not have peace of mind, but I also did not want to be imprisoned for something I did not commit. It was the old man who had to be imprisoned. He must be punished.

I myself was telling me that it was also my mistake, because I was such a fool who was only thinking about my own happiness. I wasn't thinking about the things that might happen because of one wrong decision: the reason why I suffered. Going outside the house, looking at the tall grass seemed to taunt me. I saw my father feeding the birds visiting our lawn every morning. I could see the beehives hanging from a branch of a tree. I got stung many times by those bees, but I was lucky. I was still alive.