The Mafia’s Wanted Desires

JAXON

My hands hung mid-air, a few inches away from the surface of the door. I swallowed the lump that gathered in my throat, wiping my hands on the trousers I hadn’t changed out of in days.

They did try to get me to change it.

But I didn’t want anything that would take me back to a place where she wasn’t. So, I was stuck here looking utterly dishevelled.

Heaving a sigh, I twisted the knob and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind me.

I spun around and I didn’t miss the look of surprise that flashed across his face. He wasn’t one to display his emotions, but it was hard for him to conceal his shock. The hospital wear made him look very weird and the chuckle that tumbled out of my mouth was hard to submerge.

“Good morning, boss.” His chapped lips quirked in a small smile that elicited a grin from me. There was no need to keep my guard up right now. It was useless anyway.

After all, he was on that bed because he was trying to save me. To save her. If he hadn’t shot Micah, the tables would have spun differently and we would have been telling a different story.

And for that, I was grateful to him.

“Drop the formalities.” I threw a dismissive wave in the air, slipping into the seat beside the bed.

He looked shitty. There was no sugarcoating it. His eyes were pale and his blonde hair was very dry. The bags beneath his eyes were nothing to write home about. They made his eyes appear sunken and hollow.

“Geez, you look like shit,” I remarked and he chuckled throatily, coughing violently afterwards. I reached for the bottle of water behind me, handing it to him.

He took a large gulp and returned it to me, sending me an appreciative smile.

“How do you feel now?” I asked him. My eyes softened a little bit and he sighed, sinking his body into the cocoons of the soft pillow as gently as he could.

“Like a truck ran me over, but I will live.” He smirked at me.

“Thank you, Duncan. I never got a chance to say it. Heck, my pride wouldn’t let me say it at times,” I chuckled, tears welling up in my eyes. He smiled back at me and I placed my hand on his, squeezing it gently with an appreciative smile on my face.

“I’d probably be six feet under if it weren’t for you and Peach would be dead too,” I added, a forlorn look settling on my face. The tears that brimmed heavily in my eyes began dripping down my face rapidly, obscuring my gaze.

“We look after our own, remember?” He reminded me with the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

“That we do,” I buttressed what he had said.

“Is she awake?” His voice was barely audible but I could pick up on what he said, due to our proximity.

“She’s not and I am scared that I wouldn’t be able to keep it together for much longer. I miss her, Duncan.” I heaved a shaky breath.

“A Queen doesn’t abandon her subjects. She’ll come back to you.” He assured me with a smile and a chuckle flowed breezily from my lips.

“Yeah, I hope so.” I sighed.

“I’ll come to check up on you later, man,” I told him, patting his shoulder. Flashing him a weak smile, I rose to my feet and sauntered out of the room, shutting the door behind me.

_________________

The loud beeping, which I could never get used to, no matter how many times I have been here reverberated throughout the room. It was incessant and each beep felt like a prickle against my skin, depleting me of every ounce of hope I had in me before I walked in here.

The melancholy that lingered in the air always found a way to weigh me down. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I had it all under control, it just crushed every surge of hope within me.

I hated the unceasing sound!

I hated the white walls!

The bright lights!

I hated seeing her so helpless on that bed. A painful reminder that she was in that position because of me. Her body was tucked beneath the covers and the oxygen mask on her nose was to the machine that monitored the steady rhythm of her heartbeat.

My legs were light against the surface of the ground. A wave of tiredness engulfed me, swallowing me whole. My laboured breathing picked up a faster pace, echoing simultaneously alongside the heart monitor.

I wanted to rip my heart out and stuff it somewhere, so I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. I was torn to shreds, shattered into a gazillion pieces. I felt so hollow, yet so full of emotions that surged through me, all at once, tearing me apart.

I was slumping into the chair in front of her in no time, releasing a punctured breath. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as my fingers reached to brush a strand of her hair off her pale face.

Her supple skin was drained of colour. Her hair was so dry and void of its lushness. She seemed to have lost a lot of weight. She appeared lifeless but the rising and falling of her chest dissuaded that theory.

“Hey, Peach.” I couldn’t recognise my voice. It was hoarse, cracked and strained. I took her hand gently, brushing my fingers over the rocky part of her ring.

My eyes scanned every inch of her face. It was as if I didn’t want any movement she made to flicker past my view.

“If you were here right now, you’d probably be talking my ears out on how I should stop apologising-” I paused, exhaling softly. The soft breath was accompanied by a lone tear that rolled down my cheek. “But the truth is, I can’t stop blaming myself for putting you through this,” I added.

“You and our baby…” My voice trailed off, filled with sadness.

“I am trying to be as positive as I can that you are going to come back to me but it’s been very hard.” I bared out my soul to her, laying my worries all on her lap.

“It’s so hard without you, Peach. Fuck, I am losing my mind.” I let out a strangled sob, burning my face onto the back of her hand to muffle the sounds that emitted from me.

This woman completed me. Utterly. Thoroughly. Completely. And without her, I was crumbling so hard. I didn’t know who or what to be without her. She was my anchor and I was falling apart without her.

My sanity was drifting away from me.

I dragged in a long breath, puffing it out slowly, and I sniffed against her hands. I brought my hands to my face, wiping my tears.

“Baby, you have to come back for me. For us. For our baby. For our new family.” I pleaded.

“I miss you so much that it hurts.” I whimpered like a little child. With her, vulnerability has always been out of the question and right now, it was no different.

“I love you, Peach. Just come back to me.” My eyes shimmered with so many tears, blurring her frame from my view.

A knock sounded on the door and I quickly wiped tears, pressing a kiss to her hand.

“The door is not locked.” I said hoarsely.

It creaked open and Maria stepped into the room. Her already dim green eyes appeared duller than it was when she saw the position I was in. She advanced to where I sat and pulled me into a hug that I eased into, dropping my head on her shoulder and sobbing like an infant.

“It’s okay, Jay.”

“Everything will be fine.”

“She’ll come back to us. She has to. There are so many people and things waiting for her. She knows that too.” Maria’s words of reassurance was supposed to be like a balm to soothe my wounded soul.

It ought to quell my uncertainty.

But it didn’t.

Because at this point, I wasn’t so sure of anything anymore and it begs the question of how the hell I am going to navigate this world without the love of my life by my side.