The Love That Passed

Colleen’s POV

I didn’t notice that I had overslept and I looked for Jared the moment I woke up. I asked mom where he was and he told me that he was still in his study room, so I went up. I didn’t come up here because the stairs were really high, but because I wanted to see my husband, I would do it. I knocked before I got in and found him in deep thought. I can tell because of the way he sighed, does he have a problem?

I made him notice me and he looked at me. He smiled and, oh, he was so handsome. I don’t think I am worthy of him if I am going to look at myself. I am so thin and pregnant, I’m sure you can’t imagine how I look too. I asked him whether we had a problem while I got closer to him. He said it was just about his sister agreeing to manage the company even after I gave birth.

He made sure that it was nothing after I asked her again and he had me sit on his lap. I love to be sitting on him, but the way I weigh now, it makes me feel conscious. He hugged me and, of course, I did the same. Then he told me about Ingrid again, so I decided to believe him. I know that he didn’t want me to worry. That’s why he was so secretive and I am not going to take it against him.

“I was actually thinking about the time when you accidentally met Stacey in the bookstore,” he said. I thought for a moment and remembered.

“We didn’t accidentally meet there.” I said and his forehead creased, so I massaged it for him as I continued. “She called me out, just like in the coffee shop. She said that she had important things to say to me, so I went and saw her.”

“She hurt you at your first meeting. Why did you have to see her again? What if she hurts you again?”

“I was with Dr. Gerard.” I told him and I saw his face harden, “You know that I like to read and so is he. From time to time, we will go to that bookstore and read.” I added,

“Why didn’t I see him?” he asked,

“I don’t know, but he came to me after you left with Stacey. I told him beforehand that he didn’t need to show himself if we were just talking.” I replied,

“So the important thing that Stacey wanted to tell you was?” he asked again,

“She told me to divorce you. Then all of a sudden, she told me about not texting her anymore when I never texted her. She changed her number when she called me, so I guess the one she used to text me for the coffee shop meeting was no longer active. I asked her when I ever texted her but she just spewed nonsense.

Then you came, so I thought she was making a scene that you would actually see that would make you angry at me.” I explained,

“I am not angry at you. But I thought that time that you actually texted her,” he replied,

“You are very handsome and maybe, if I were not sick, I would do that to her. Look how sexy and hot she was compared to me. But I know that I am not healthy, so there’s no point telling her to stay away from you at all.”

“I took her away because I didn’t want her to make any more scenes. I just felt that she would never stop talking if I chose to bring you with me.”

“I thought it was because you believed her and that you two were still together,” I said with my head down.

“I grew up with a happy family. My dad was very responsible and loved my mom so much. I am not going to be some kind of jerk that would turn my back on my decision and file for a divorce. I didn’t like that,” he said,

“I know that now,” I replied, and kissed him. He kissed me back and oh, I wanted him. But I had to stop thinking about that because I am going to give birth through CS in two weeks and it’s not going to be OK if I am going to over exert myself.

We stopped kissing and he smiled at me before he rubbed my stomach and talked to our baby. “Don’t be too stubborn, my baby princess. You have to take care of Mommy too.”

“I bet she would. Seeing her daddy taking care of me, I don’t think that she won’t do the same.” I assured him.

“There are a lot of misunderstandings in our past and I promise that there will be no more in the future. I will only believe in you and I am going to make myself clear with you so you don’t think anything other than I love you.” I feel touched to know that I love you thing, and I know for myself, as I have already told him that, he is the only one that I am going to believe in him and no one else. He is the only thing that matters to me and even if he only hurts me in the end, I still won’t care and it still doesn’t matter because I love him more than he thinks I do.

Without him knowing, I always prayed to God to give me more time to be with him, just what he wanted. Not for myself, but for him. So his prayer would be answered and that he wouldn’t think that everything was his fault and blame himself in the end. I wanted him to look after our baby and I’m afraid that because of his guilty feelings, he would forget about the fruit of our love and drown himself at work and never think about being happy anymore.

I’m afraid that he would punish himself thinking he was the reason why I was no longer there for them. As much as possible, I wanted him to feel guilt free about everything. I wanted him to be happy even if I was no longer around. With that, I will be very happy and in peace leaving them, because I know that he is fine and can look forward to a new happiness that may come his way. I hope he will still welcome a new life and allow himself to love again.