The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

“Clariz, you are not going to dance for now. Shiela was absent today, so you will be the one to take her place instead as Aunt Lucy previously instructed,” Martina said while applying her contour makeup. We were currently in the dressing room, and I was wearing my mask. 

“Hmm, is that so? Okay, thanks for informing me then,” I replied without even looking at her.

We were sharing one vast rectangular mirror with sparkling LED lights, so I could still feel that she was somehow glancing at me. In fairness, her tone was not a bit harsh as how she used to speak when talking to me. We were surrounded by scattered sets of different makeup and brushes, as well as glittering shoes and dresses.

Shiela had to be the famous singer in the club, and she used to perform before my every dance number. She was also a part-time student, and we had the same schedule. With her beautiful voice, the customers might suddenly go home tonight because I would have to replace her. But whatever! I had to do Aunt Lucy a favor, and it would not hurt me after all.

But how about Liam? If he would really go here tonight, then he wouldn’t be able to watch me doing pole dancing? I pouted my lips and shrugged my shoulders to my abrupt disappointment.

And that’s what you want to focus on, huh? Really, Diane? You’re clearly whipped by that man! my subconscious mind whispered.

While shaking my head, I wished that this little voice inside my head would just fall into deep oblivion, so it could never disagree anymore on everything I would like to think about. Throughout this day, Liam was the only one who preoccupied my brain. Because of him, I was not even able to sleep this afternoon and just ended up with Denise in the kitchen as we baked her favorite chocolate cupcakes.

Why couldn’t I get him out of my mind? Am I already in love with him? I silently asked myself while gazing at my reflection in the huge vanity mirror.

“By the way, Clariz… I would like to say sorry whenever I get mad with you for no apparent reason. I promise not to do that ever again,” Martina apologetically said, and that made me dismiss my thoughts. Although I wasn’t looking at her, I felt the sincerity behind her words.

Turning my head on the left side where she was seated, I looked at her intently before forming a sweet smile on my lips. “Hey, it’s okay! For two years, won’t I get used to it? It’s already normal for me. Frankly speaking, having you here saying sorry about what you did in the past was the one quite strange,” I teased her.

“So, friends?” She smiled before extending her right hand to me. It was the first time she smiled at me-it was real, and that was what made her pretty. Being authentic was what made us pretty while hatred and insecurities were turning us to be evils.

The smile on my lips had not yet vanished the moment I accepted her hand for a firm handshake. “I have long considered you as a friend, Martina, even though you never liked me here. So, for formality… okay, friends.”

“Thanks, Claire. I’ll treat you over dinner some other time to celebrate our friendship!” she had excitedly sworn before standing and pulling me into a quick hug. It was the first time she called me Claire here.

“I would love to, but you don’t have to bother at all.”

“No, I insist.”

“It’s okay, Martina. I only have one request for you if you won’t mind? Just don’t bully the new dancers. That would equate to a lot of dinners,” I demanded directly to the point.

“Oh, sure thing! You can count on me regarding that, but I still insist we have dinner together,” she burst out giggling.

Since I didn’t know how to instill resentment in other people no matter what they did to me, I was happy that there was no other person who was annoyed with me here. It was quite difficult when people were infuriated at you, even though you were not doing them anything wrong. Getting along with Martina made me sigh with relief, knowing that all the staff here in the club were already my friends.

“Anyway, want to know why I refused to call you Claire and kept on divulging your second name here?” Martina asked as she went back to her seat and tried to choose which one to use from her makeup brushes. What she said caught my attention.

“Hmm, what about it?” I curiously asked her while straightening my wavy hair with an iron. It made me style my brown hair for a change, making me look younger.

“I had an ex-girlfriend whose name was Claire way back my college years,” she revealed.

“Woah, really?” I exclaimed with my eyes wide opened. I never expected a girly Martina to be a lesbian anyway. She was quite a flirt, not just with the customers but with the other staff and bouncers. I even saw her one time sneaking and banging our new male bartender in the VIP room. “Then, what happened?”

“Yeah, so you see… I’m a lesbian, but that was all before. Oh my God! I can’t believe I’m telling you this-I mean, telling Claire about my previous Claire? It’s quite entertaining, isn’t it? Well, but yeah… she was my first heartache!” Martina expressed as if the pain it caused her was still afresh.

At times like these-when people told you about their deepest secrets they wanted to bury in the past, they needed you to be more of a listener and not an adviser. I remained silent while listening to her because I could feel she needed a shoulder to lean on. I never imagined Martina to be this vulnerable over her ex-girlfriend, but I hoped that she had already moved on.

“Claire cheated on me despite how I loved her so much! I gave her everything she asked. But still, she ended up dating that famous heartthrob in our university while we’re still together. I confronted her, but can you imagine? She told me right in front of my face that she wanted to suck dicks instead of tits. Hell yeah, disgusting!” Martina emphasized while rolling her eyes before she continued.

“From then on, I never believed myself to become a straight woman. I dated a lot of men and even made out with them on each day of the week. I even lost my virginity to a fraternity leader, but who cares? I felt like I was living the best of my life way back then, and I never knew having a dick inside me could make me feel damn so great! You should try it too,” she beamed.

Having no experience when it comes to sex, I blushed with how Martina squealed her phrases. I couldn’t help but imagine if that would really feel great. Well, how would I know?

“Kidding aside, you know what’s the best part? I was able to get my revenge on Claire by sleeping with the same campus heartthrob! And after catching us sleeping together at his pad, they broke up.” Martina admitted as she fixed her eyeliner. I wasn’t sure if she frequently used wet wipes to remove the excess black lines or small tears at the corner of her eyes.

“I-I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, it happened to you. You can call me Clariz if that would make you feel better, as well as to help ease your mind and for you not to remember that chaotic past anymore,” I tried to soothe her feelings.

“Oh, I assured you… I’m fine. I was able to move on. You see, I studied at a prestigious university, but I rebelled against my parents. I ended up here performing and satisfying the customers with my body. But to tell you? I haven’t reached the climax of my story that will shock you.”

She shot me with her daring glares before a lopsided grin escaped past her red lips. “You absolutely knew who was that campus heartthrob I once slept with, Claire.”