The Death of 1977 (Book 3)

Chapter 48

Spring 2019

There was such a lukewarm breeze that blew so subtly by the cemetery that late morning. It kept on flowing until it eventually settled and abided inside the quiet, spacious stretch of land that was home to various collections of tombstones and mausoleums. In the far off distance could be seen a funeral service being conducted, while a few people sporadically scattered in certain spots walked and toured the grounds in solemn contemplation. In one particular part of the grounds, underneath a budding maple tree, rested three gravestones. Standing tall above one of the three graves was a certain man in his mid-forties by the name of Isaiah.

He had become a fairly well-built man. His thick, well-groomed dreadlocks that were tied to the back bristled in the breeze while his goatee seemed to itch for no apparent reason the longer he stood looking down. He had his hands clinched together as his knees kept buckling underneath him. Every so often he would push his eyeglasses back onto his face while taking glances to make sure he was still all alone in his area.

"Even till this day I still get reports of you from various people in the family. Aunt Jackie still can't even stand to hear your name being uttered." He snickered. "Every so often I'll look at your pictures and just wonder what could have been." Isaiah then took a deep breath before shutting his eyes momentarily. "I still get these crazy images in my mind from time to time, wondering just where in the world they even come from. But in my life, I've come to realize that not everyone is or was what they seemed to be, or were reported to be." Isaiah grinned. "I remember glances of you. You holding me, playing with me. So I figure if I have those recollections, then it doesn't really matter what someone else has to say. All they could ever tell me was that you just up and left one day...and never returned. At least that's what grandma and grandpa said. But I know for a fact that after all that I've been through in my life, you were always right there by my side. Somehow, someway, I always knew that."

Isaiah then turned away for a second. "I can't believe I'm even talking like this. But then again, I'd hope if the situation were different, I'd want my kids to say the same thing about me. So, um...that's all I came by to say after all these years. Sorry it took so long to come and say it, but...I've never been a sentimental kind of guy. I just pray that you continue to rest in peace. And always know that...that I never hated you." Isaiah wiped his nose real quick before hearing footsteps creep up behind him. He composed himself and turned to see his mother walking up with her hands inside her jacket pockets. "Where were you all this time?" Isaiah looked strangely.

"I was over there talking to my mama and daddy." Lynnette quaintly nodded her head backwards.

The two of them stood over the three graves for a few moments before Isaiah looked over at his mom and asked, "Are you okay?"

Grinning slightly, Lynnette meekly replied, "Yeah...I just can't believe I'm here."

"Yeah, me neither." Isaiah shrugged. "Feels like we're in another world."

"To you it feels like another world, but to me...its home."

Isaiah stood next to his mother a bit longer before he kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "I'll be waiting in the car."

Lynnette only smiled as the presence of her son departed from her. With her own eyeglasses, greying hair and a few wrinkles on her face that she could have done without, the woman scanned the graveyard from front to back before finally bringing her head about face and down to the three stones beneath her; from Mr. and Mrs. Mercer and eventually their son. All three markers were set perfectly side by side each other in a row. All Lynnette could possibly do was stare at Isaac's grave for what felt like an eternity. The flowing of emotions that she had been expecting hadn't surfaced right then. She was absolutely calm and still.

So still was Lynnette that she couldn't even bat an eyelash. She wanted to speak out loud, but her mouth was immobile as was her entire body for that matter. The woman just stood until her knees started to wobble beneath her.

"I...I haven't been here since your mama died." She struggled to utter. "I didn't even come when your father passed. And that really hurt me, too. But I had my reasons." She exhaled.

"So...how have you been? Dumb question, huh? What about me? Well, when I finally got back from Jamaica I took Isaiah and myself and we left Cypress in 1981. This city was just falling apart back then. No jobs, no kind of future. We moved to Columbus and ended up doing pretty well for ourselves there. I got a job working as a secretary for a banking firm. Worked there in different positions for about thirty some odd years before I called it quits. Isaiah is a school teacher. I personally never saw that one coming. Raising a son on your own isn't all it's cracked up to be." She rolled her eyes. "Rap music, video games and girls. But I think he's turned out pretty well."

Lynnette dropped her head and searched so hard to find a conversation to hold, but instead she found herself slipping deeper and deeper into a trance that only seemed to annoy her with every passing minute underneath the maple tree.

"I...I've been through a few relationships here and there." Lynnette said. "I'll admit that I wasn't the model mate...or mother. Yeah, I have an attitude. And I realize that attitude has chased a lot of men away. But then again, I had more important things on my mind. Things like what, you ask?" She nodded. "Ohh...old, cold winters. Some of the old music we used to listen to. The time—

It was right then and there that Lynnette caught herself and held on as tight as she could. She could feel it like an oncoming tsunami, waiting to knock her down.

"Do you remember...no, I can't stand here and do this." She began to whimper. "I can't stand here and pretend like I'm in another world. I didn't come all the way here to babble like a fool."

Lynnette then reached into her back pants pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. She unfolded the paper and said, "Your father, before he joined you and your mama, gave me this. "Dear Lynn, I wanted so much to leave when you told me what you told me. But something told me to stick around. I'm still pissed off at what you did. I know I've never been the best boyfriend to you, but damn, did I deserve that? But deep down, I just want you to know that I still love you. I love Isaiah too. I want to be his dad more than anything. I just have to deal with this the best I can. Even though he has his doubts, dad still doesn't know, and I want to keep it that way. Look, we'll deal with this the best way we can. All I can say to you is that I'm not perfect. I fuck up sometimes here and there. I can't promise that I won't fuck up here and there again, but I can promise that I will always love you and Isaiah. I won't go looking for William. I know that's not what you want. Just keep him away from me and there won't be any trouble. Anyways, that's all I had to say. Love Isaac.

With the crumpled letter in her hand, Lynnette looked back down at Isaac's grave with tears in her eyes.

"Isaiah met William three years ago. But I'm so sorry he never got to know his real dad better. I'm so sorry for it all, Isaac. I'm trying so hard to forgive myself after all these years. I keep going back and forth in my head who was wrong and who was right? Should I have done this? Or if you hadn't done that. All I do is make myself go even crazier. No matter where I end up, it all leads back to one thing. I went along with the lie for so long that I actually convinced myself that Isaiah even looked like you. But no matter what, I always thank you for seeing him as your own."

Lynnette then dropped her arms to her side while a deadpan glaze covered her face. "I just have one question to ask. Did all of that really happen? Till this day I can't even speak of it. I can't even say one word. Your son loves those kinds of movies, but all I do is turn away. Was it...real?" She caught her slipping breath. "Because if it was, then what else is real? I ask myself that question almost every day."

Lynnette exhaled as deeply as she could at that instant before saying, "I remember our final night together. In that bathroom, I used to wonder if you really did want to kill me. But I also recall you

stopping."

Lynnette then reached down and placed the letter in front of Isaac's marker. "This city has really done well for itself over the years. It looks completely different. I guess all cities go through a slump every so often."

She rose back up wiping her eyes along the way. "Both Jackie and Bernadette are the same; older and crankier. But Lavonia finally found God back in 1999. She's an evangelist now." Lynnette grinned. "You've got four grandkids. Three knuckle-head boys and one sweet little girl. Me and your daughter-in- law get along like two wet hens, but she at least keeps Isaiah in check, so I can't ask for more than that."

Lynnette then snickered as she glanced all around the graveyard. "It's been hard all these years. I really don't know what all Isaiah does and does not remember. He used to ask about certain cuts on his body, and all I could ever do was lie and tell him that he fell down. What else could I say?" She shrugged.

"Even today I still look behind my back. I remember your father and I would sit and talk for hours about you. I always wondered if he really deep down knew. Or were we both too afraid to say out loud what we had experienced? It was never about what you and I did. It was about.

Lynnette could hardly breathe at that point. Her once motionless legs fidgeted from side to side like she was an anxious child who had run out of words to say. Even her hands had become clammy to where they felt gross. Her mouth was dry and she couldn't stop batting her eyelashes. Just standing over his grave gave her the queasiest sensation. She wasn't going to vomit, but something was beginning to happen that she couldn't contain any longer.

"You...you remember Jimmy's old roller rink?" She gulped. "That old building is long gone now. It's now a grocery store. But, you once asked me a question there, and I never vocally answered you."

Without warning, Lynnette burst out into tears at that very second. "Yes...I will marry you, Isaac!" She covered her mouth from speaking too loud.

Lynnette couldn't stop crying. She stood and wept for at least four whole minutes before she took out a tissue and wiped her entire drenched face clean while making sure no one else was around to see her.

"We'll...we'll be in town for a few more days visiting family." She coughed. "I'll drop by and see you again before we leave for home."

With a pair of red eyes and shaky legs Lynnette finally turned and began walking away towards the parking lot. Behind her was the letter that she placed on Isaac's marker waving back and forth in the wind before it was eventually swept away into oblivion.