billion book
CHAPTER 40
Zara’s POV
It was morning again, and I heard the weak strokes of the waves outside. They seemed to beckon me to come ashore and watch the rising sun from the ocean. Like the sea, I feel the same loss. I haven’t remembered anything for years. It’s like my name and the events of my life have been forgotten, washed away like a bubble that disappeared from me.
The only one beside me is Nick. Nick, who introduced himself as my husband. On the day of our wedding, I was involved in an accident and fell into a long coma. When I woke up, I had amnesia.
Every time I try to recall my memories, it feels like someone is hitting my head, causing pain, and making me pass out. It worsens my feelings. I know that something is not complete, but I don’t know why I feel so void. I can sense that something is off, but I can’t identify what it is.
I feel like a blank piece of paper now, with all my memories washed away by the waves. For seven months after I woke up, I’ve been living on this island.
I’m in a vacation house with only our housekeeper, Eugenie, and Nick, who is now in Claybourne taking care of business. Nick and I are said to be married. He claims that we were lovers back in college, and he always tells me how much I love him. But I don’t feel it. I wonder if maybe I do love him, and it’s just because of my amnesia that I don’t feel any love for him now.
I don’t even know why I seem to want to go back to Claybourne. I feel like I left something important there. Going back might complete my personality and help me remember everything I’ve forgotten during the three years I was comatose.
But every time I ask Nick about it, he gets angry and yells at me. Whenever I cry, he apologizes, and I forgive him. Sometimes he asks us to sleep together, but I don’t know why I get panic attacks when he tries.
Now, my life seems like an illusion. I don’t know what my memories were, and all I have to rely on is Nick’s stories. Other than that, there is nothing. I feel so empty and lifeless. It’s as if I’m haunted by a past that I can no longer remember.
I am so bored and restless. To fill the time, I help Eugenie with the housework and take care of cooking. Nick has disabled social media on the laptop and cellphone he gave me, and whenever I try to search for my name, “Zara Rutherford,” no information comes up.
I have prepared chicken, soy sauce, vinegar, pepper, laurel leaves, and other ingredients so that I can cook his favorite dish. Nick will surely enjoy it. As the soup boils, I lower the heat of the fire and let the aroma of the chili peppers dominate the kitchen.
Nick returns home, and I can’t help but feel uneasy when he tries to kiss me. There’s something about his affection that I can’t bring myself to reciprocate.
I continue cooking, and when I serve him the food, he exaggerates a moan of delight. I can’t deny that there’s never a boring moment with Nick, even though I don’t fully understand my feelings.
After eating, Nick promises to take me to meet my friends in a nearby village to keep me from being bored. They tease med about not letting me out often because of my beauty. I don’t feel jealous of other women being close to Nick, and I can’t explain why. It’s like I trust him completely.
As Nick is busy talking to the fishermen, I take the chance to ask Ava and Poppy if they knew Nick or me before my accident. They tell me that they only met me today and don’t know much about my past. They mention that Nick was seen drinking on a neighboring island and that triggers a vague memory in my mind.
I try to grasp the memory, but it remains elusive, just out of reach. I wonder why the mention of that place triggers something in me.
“Ava, Poppy, thank you for being honest with me,” I say, trying to sound appreciative, even though I’m frustrated by the lack of answers. “Maybe there’s something about Claybourne that I need to remember.”
They exchange curious glances, but before I can inquire further, Nick joins us, diverting the conversation to fishing stories and the beauty of the sea.
As the day passes, I can’t shake the feeling that something important is tied to Claybourne. It’s as if my memories are hidden there, waiting for the right moment to resurface. But with Nick unwilling to share anything about my past, I’m left to piece together the fragments on my own.
In the days that follow, I find myself constantly thinking about Claybourne. It’s like a magnet pulling me closer, and I can’t resist its pull any longer. I need to find out what’s there, what’s waiting for me.
One morning, while Nick is away, I gather my courage and make a decision. I tell Eugenie that I need to go to Claybourne, that I feel a strong urge to visit the place. I see worry in her eyes, and she hesitates for a moment before agreeing to accompany me.
We prepare for the trip, and I can feel my heart racing with both excitement and apprehension. What will I find in Claybourne? Will it hold the key to unlocking my lost memories?
As we arrive in Claybourne, I feel a strange sense of familiarity, like I’ve been here before. The sights, the sounds, the smell of the sea-all trigger a cascade of emotions within me. I walk along the beach, trying to find a connection, but it’s overwhelming.
As the day draws to a close, we find ourselves near a quaint little café. Something about it tugs at my heartstrings. I feel a pull to go inside, and as I do, a rush of memories floods my mind.
Laughter, warmth, and a sense of belonging fill my thoughts. I see faces-smiling faces of friends, people I know. And then, in the midst of it all, I see him-the man from my dreams, the one who disappears when I wake up.
His eyes lock with mine, and suddenly, everything makes sense. Claybourne, this café, these people-they were a part of my life, a life that I shared with him. We were in love, deeply and passionately.
“Zara…” he whispers, his voice choked with emotion.