Surrender Your Sensations

“Welcome back, Meredith!” That’s how Minzy greeted me the moment I entered the debate room.

Minzy and Cherry immediately hugged me as David seemed to be calling a dove with the strength of his applause.

“It’s nice to see you back,” Sir Romeo said, tapping my shoulder before he gave me a pile of documents. “As much as I want to celebrate your return, we have a lot to prioritize for the regionals, Meredith,” he added, making me laugh. I immediately accepted the documents he provided.

We all even laughed when he was later on got hit on the arm by Ma’am Juliet. “You’re really a party pooper! It’s just the first day of their training. You’re rushing over nothing, old man.” Then, she turned her attention towards me and the usual Ma’am Juliet I knew shrieked in excitement before hugging me. “I’m really glad you made it to the cut, Meredith Kaye! I’m really happy that you tried it again!”

“Indeed, Ma’am! And at least before Cherry and I graduate, we will be in the same debate room with Meredith again,” Minzy said, clinging her arms around mine.

“This time, I bet we’re going to win it. We already have the debate genius in our team,” David said, making our coaches nod in agreement.

“You’re putting too much pressure on me,” I joked before laying the documents given by Sir Romeo on the table. I got a lot of readings to do- and I am excited.

This is it. I am finally having my chance again.

“Don’t leave us again, Meredith.” Cherry sat on the chair beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

The whole room fell silent because of what he said. I could still remember how much Cherry and the rest of the team cried when I had to withdraw my participation in the nationals because of my cancer. Actually, I blamed myself on why they didn’t win. For sure they lost focus because I was suddenly replaced and of course they were worried about my condition.

And now that I am back, I have to compensate. I won’t let that happen again – even if my cancer comes back.

“Don’t worry. This time, we will get the nationals. I won’t leave you no matter what happens,” I said, the determination inside me was now bigger than my fear about my condition. I never felt such desire ever since.

“But Sir Romeo and I still want you to stay healthy, Meredith. We’d rather choose you than the nationals trophy.” I stared at Ma’am Juliet because of what she said. She gave me an assuring smile. “Don’t forget that. It’s you over any kind of trophy.”

“Ma’am Juliet is right, Meredith. We’d rather want you to be healthy than win the nationals,” Minzy agreed and Sir Romeo tapped her shoulder.

I bowed down as my tears began to roll down my cheeks. I didn’t know what I did to have people like them but I was beyond grateful. I would not disappoint them again. I would not disappoint myself again too.

“Good morning.”

We all looked behind us because of the sudden voice that spoke. It was to my hearing though.

A tall guy in his shirt and jeans and a beanie entered the debate room. His voice and the way he walks were enough for me to recognize him- “Gelo!” I waved at him.

“Oh. So you already know Mr. Cristobal, Meredith?” Sir Romeo asked me before approaching the newcomer, Gelo. He put his arm around his shoulder which took us all by surprise. Their faces were quite … Similar?

“So, you already met him, Sir?” David asked, holding one of the articles we needed to read and seemed to intend to start reading right away. That’s exactly him- very diligent with the things he does.

“Can you believe it? Last weekend, my older brother visited me with Angelo. Imagine my surprise when I got to know that he’s my brother’s brother-in-law,” Sir Romeo explained as my mouth fell open in shock.

Woah.  “This world is really small,” I couldn’t help but say out of amazement on how things were turning out.

Everyone chuckled and nodded in agreement.

“Yes, indeed. This is really a small world for people to not be connected with each other. Did you guys also know that Gelo is also a debate champ like our dear Meredith? He already told Romeo and I that he and Meredith used to face each other inside the debate room back in High School as rivals,” Ma’am Juliet said and everyone shouted in excitement and glee.

Gelo and I laughed. He approached me and immediately put his arm around me. “We’re on the same side now so we’ll win,” he said proudly, so I immediately hit him on his stomach. “It hurts!”

“You’re boasting too much” I told him, “Big Brother,” emphasizing the last word and he immediately laughed.

“You still can’t move from the fact that I put you in the sibling zone?” he teased me, making me laugh loudly.

“Oh come on, Big Bro. You are definitely not my type.” I grinned at him. “Stop with that nonsense.”

The day went like that. The whole room was filled with an exchange of discussion, debate, jokes and stories between us. Ma’am Juliet and Sir Romeo were very attentive to all of us; checking and teaching us the proper way to speak and present ourselves inside the debate room; giving us all the points to remember about the articles and publications we had to read; and reminding us to always separate reasoning and emotions.

I felt like I was back to beginning with all these lessons and training. There was the nostalgia that I had to prove myself – that desire to achieve something was burning me deep to my bones. But I liked this feeling. No. I always love this feeling. This is the kind of feeling that you were exactly on the track you wanted to go. I felt so alive.

“That’s all for our very first training. Don’t forget your readings and of course your very first assignment,” Ma’am Juliet reminded after more than three hours of training. “Can you think of a good name for our team?”

“Yes please!”

“Also don’t forget our mock debate next week. It’s Gelo’s team versus Meredith’s team. I’m expecting a good exchange of arguments,” Sir Romeo said, before giving us a salute.

We all laughed before returning his gesture d at the same time saying, “Sir, yes, sir!”

Well, Sir Romeo was a frustrated police man. He took a police course for a year before switching to education and now he’s taking up law.

“See you next week, guys. Thanks for today.” I mean it. I am grateful for this day and for the laughs I shared with them.

Somehow, I lost track of my fears for my upcoming check-up. I was genuinely happy today and I cherished rare moments like this. Ever since I got sick, happiness seemed so hard to come by. I always feel like something bad would happen after being happy. I tried to be positive and live my second life without hesitations … But what happened yesterday woke me up from my delusion.

I’m not really well yet … As long as I don’t have complete remission, cancer can still take my life. And I’m afraid that day will come.

“Stop smiling if you’re not really happy.” I lost my deepest thoughts and looked at the person who said that. Cherry’s curly hair made me recognize her. She took my hand and intertwined our fingers. “It’s weird when you smile falsely,” she added.

I wasn’t able to say anything when Minzy interjected, “But at least she tried to be happy today. We need to give that to her, Cherry. That’s very considerate of her.” Then Minzy turned to me and like Cherry she also held my other hand. “Want to talk about it? It’s been a while since the last time the three of us went out. I’ve been with Cherry for a long time.”

“I hope you asked me if I’m happy to be with you,” Cherry said, giving Minzy a nudge on her side.

I looked at both of them before I nodded. “Sure thing.”