SILENT DESIRES

She sat up, curling her knees into her chest and effecting as much modesty as possible without her clothes on. His hardness had not abated, but his breathing was growing calmer. She looked away, embarrassed by the intimacy of seeing him like this. She wanted to know the miracle of being connected to him in the most personal way any woman could know a man, but she didn’t doubt he would stand by his ultimatum.

Marriage, or nothing.

“Dash,” she said tentatively.

“Yes?” he replied.

“Um…” How did a woman ask this kind of question? “Do you believe in fidelity?” she asked.

He sat up and glared at her, supremely unconcerned by his nudity. “Once we are married, there will be no other man,” he said.

Was he really that dense? “I meant you. If I marry you, will I have to worry about you taking a mistress?”

“No.” he replied. There was a rock-solid certainty in his expression that she could not doubt.

“Do you have a mistress now?” She had to ask.

“I told you there was no other woman.” he said

“But some men don’t consider wives and mistresses in the same class. They think having one does not preclude having the other.” She’d seen it often enough among the rich compatriots of her father and knew that most wealthy men were particularly susceptible. Or so it seemed.

“I am not these men. I want no woman but you.” he said.

“Always?” she asked, finding it very difficult to believe he wanted to cleave to her for a lifetime and forsake all other women.

He reached out and cupped her cheek. “Always. You will be my wife. I will not shame you in this way.”

Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked them away. “All right,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

“You will marry me?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yes.”

His thumb rubbed the wetness from under her eye. “You are crying. Tell me why.”

“I’m not sure. I’m scared,” she admitted to both him and herself. “You don’t love me, but you want to marry me.” She said,

“And you love me.”

Was there any point in denying it? She’d just agreed to become his wife. She had always loved him.

“Yes.” she replied.

He was silent for a while. She loved him. That put his plan of getting a divorce after getting his company back in question. And If he was being honest with himself, he knew he had somehow become attached to her. And he knew it would be hard to let her go.

“I am glad you love me, Tess. You have nothing to fear in giving yourself to me. I will treasure your love.” he said softly.

But not return it.

Was that something so different? She’d practically lived her whole life without being truly loved. Her father had seemed duty bound to care for her, but until very recently, he hadn’t even acted particularly fond of her.

At least Dash really wanted her. He could have anyone and he’d chosen her. That had to prove something.

She forced herself to smile. The man she loved wanted to marry her. Maybe even wanted to have children with her and he had promised her fidelity. He respected her, he liked her and he desired her, she reminded herself. Perhaps from that, within the intimacy of marriage, love would grow.

“I guess we’d better get dressed,” she said, not nearly so complacent as he about their state of undress when she did not have passion to dull her normal thinking process.

He stayed her movement toward the edge of the bed. “I too want an assurance from you,” he said.

“What?”

“No more being alone with other men.” He said. He was all conquering male.

She sighed. “We were only playing cards, Dash. You must know it wasn’t anything more.” She said,

“I know this, but I did not like finding you alone with Dean. He is a womanizer of the first order.”

“Well, he was a gentleman with me. He may be a flirt, but I don’t think he would go after a woman who was attached to someone else.” Tess said.

Dash didn’t look impressed by her belief. “Promise me.”

“You’re being ridiculous. What do you want me to do, run from the room if I’m alone and another man comes into it?” she asked.

When he looked like he might agree, she glared at him. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Face it, you were so busy with your friend, you didn’t even notice I was gone.” she said. The memory of Olivia’s overly warm greeting still rankled. “We had time for me to beat him at gin rummy before you even came looking. I don’t think you should complain too loudly about me finding my own entertainment.” She said, almost getting angry.

“I believed you were with Elena. When she came back to the pool with other friends and without you, I immediately began looking for you.” he said.

“I wouldn’t have left in the first place if you hadn’t let your ex-girlfriend kiss you.”

“I did not let her kiss me. She just did it.”

Tess had to give him that. And he had pulled away very quickly. “You touched her when you wouldn’t even put sunscreen on my back,” she accused. “When was the last time you kissed my cheeks in greeting? You treat me like an untouchable woman.”

His brow rose in mockery. “Do you wonder about this? Don’t you see? I touch you and five minutes later, we are naked on a bed together.”

“Are you saying you’ve been avoiding touching me because you want me that much?” she asked. It was a novel concept, one that was infinitely good for her feminine ego.

“I promised you I would not seduce you,” he said.

And the most casual touching put that promise at risk. At least that was what he was implying. Knowing he was that physically vulnerable to her assuage some of her fear at marriage to a man who did not love her.

“And now you want a promise I won’t spend time alone with other men.” Tess asked.

“Yes.”

Dash hadn’t liked finding her with David and even less discovering her alone with Dean. She should understand that because she wouldn’t like the reverse either. Only she’d made him promise her fidelity.

Perhaps he had his own insecurities. The idea was almost laughable, but the strangely intent expression in his eyes was not.

“I won’t make a habit of being alone with other men and I will never be unfaithful to you. I’m not saying I won’t talk or hang out with other men, because that’s ridiculous, but I won’t make you feel uncomfortable with it” It was the best she could do, because she wasn’t going to go running from a room if a man walked into it and she wasn’t going to make a promise she couldn’t keep.

He seemed satisfied and nodded. “We will be married in one week,” he said.