Secret Doors

Portia’s P. O. V:

Erin woke me up when we arrived at my house. “Hey Portia, We are already here.” I heard Erin while tapping on my shoulder. He was already outside the car and waking me up. “Oh, I’m sorry. I fell asleep.” I apologized and fixed myself. Erin helps me get out of his car. “Come on let’s get inside. You might get sick if the water from rain dries on your body.” Erin said.

“Yes, thank you.” I thanked him for helping me. We headed to my house. “Please get yourself comfortable,” I said and escort him to the living room. “Thank you.” He said as he sit on the couch. “Would you want some coffee? Or tea?” I asked him. “I’m good, anything will do. But change first.” Erin told me and I nodded. “Ah, yes. I’ll just change.” I excused myself and he just smiled at me.

I quickly got to my room and go straight to my bathroom. I set my shower to warm water so I could relax my body as quickly as possible. After a fifteen minutes shower.  I quickly put on my Levi’s shirt that he left a week ago and pajamas. I go downstairs to check on Erin and prepare drinks for him. I saw him reading the newspaper from earlier so I made my way to the kitchen and prepare tea for the both of us.

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked him while I am putting down the tea. “I’m fine with anything. Are you feeling a little better now?” Erin then faced me. “Yes, I’m gonna cook food for you. Just wait and relax here. You can watch t. v while I’m cooking.” I smiled at him and get ready for the kitchen. “You know what?” Erin said as he follows me. “Hmm?” I hummed as an answered. “I think I’ll be better helping you cook.” Here is Erin again being as gentleman as ever.

“Are you sure? You are my visitor I should be cooking for you.” I told Erin. “But it’s faster if I help you,” Erin said and wears one of the aprons. Gladly it was extra large for me it somehow fits him. I smiled at him as he is ready to cook with me. “So what are we going to do now?” Erin asked me. “Oh yeah, can you wash the vegetables for me I’m just going to prepare the shrimp?” I feel shy because I think I passed out.

We enjoy our time cooking together as we talk about business and kinds of stuff. We had dinner together and talks about the school. It’s very comfortable to talk about some random things with Erin. While washing the dishes he started to try opening the topic about earlier. “So who’s the man from earlier? And why are you crying?” Erin said very concernedly.

“Oh, that guy? He’s my ex-boyfriend.” I said while drying my hands. Erin is just eyeing me like he was telling me that he is ready to listen. I look at him and he speaks. “Just speak when you are ready. I respect you.” Erin respects my decision but I think it’s okay to open up with him. “Well, he is making my whole working environment toxic lately.” I sighed.

“Why?” Erin is confused. “He acts all good to me as if nothing happened between the both of us.” I continued. “So did you have a confrontation earlier?” Erin asked. “Kind of then he kissed me.” I lower my head in shame. “Why would he do that?” Erin frowned. “Because he said he wanted to confirm his feelings,” I answered. “And? It hurts you more?” Erin just hit the point. I sobbed at his statement.

“It’s okay let it out. Don’t keep it all by yourself.” Erin assures me that he will listen. “I know I already get over him but the pain is still and I can’t get this out of me.” I cried. “I wanted to slap myself for letting me continue hating him. For not forgetting all the pain he caused me. I hate myself for not forgiving him.” I cried more but my chest don’t feel painful at all.

“Portia, only time can heal you. Don’t force yourself.” Erin advised. “I feel so betrayed Erin. Every time I am seeing him it feels like I’m crushing to pieces.” I sobbed and Erin handed me the tissue box. “I’ll get you some water.” Erin gets some water for me. I wiped my tears and fix myself.  “Here drink.” He handed me a glass of water. I drink the water and continue.

“He broke me into pieces and now he is trying to fix us like he didn’t leave me hanging,” I said. “Do you still love him?” A question that left me stuck in time. But I knew the answer already…

“I don’t love Sherlock anymore. It’s the fact that he cheated with my half-sister.” I answered and he listen carefully. “I feel betrayed by my half-sister, Erin. It feels like the moment my dad betrayed mom too.” I cried a lot. I’m in so much pain. “I feel so alone like nobody is there for me that time.” It hurts so much that my heart is clenching and it’s holding my breath so tight.

Erin wipes my tears and hugs me. “I know it’s painful but you’ll get better soon. Just give yourself time.” He comforts me. “Why do they look so happy like they are the ones who are so in love with each other when it’s me and Sherlock who is getting married.” I cried once more. For the first time, I broke the silence to myself. I’m finally ready to tell people how much it hurts.

“Cry and let out all the frustration you are holding in,” Erin said and hand me some tissues and water. “Why does Irene needs to get everything from me? I didn’t do anything wrong to her. I took care of her mess, I lend her my dad even if that broke my mom’s heart.” I hate Irene so much for letting me in pain like this.

“Maybe it’s not about Sherlock that you are stuck at the moment where you hate him. It’s about Irene who stole him from you that’s why you can’t forgive Sherlock.” Erin said that hits me. Maybe it’s true, I did everything for Irene but I hate her so much. It’s just me who didn’t see things from the start.

“I hate Sherlock letting Irene steal him from me.” I bite my lip as I remember that day. Flashbacks run wild in my head that makes me cry in so much pain. It hurts my head and it’s crushing my heart. I also happened to remember the day I met Irene and how we become so close and great partners at school and just one day.

Flashback:

“Dad I wanted you to meet my best friend at school,” I told him while he was driving us at a restaurant because he wanted me to meet someone very special. “Yes, I will love to meet your best friend,” Dad answered. When we arrived at the restaurant I saw Irene there with her mom. I was shocked but happy I thought we just had a coincidence meeting.

But dad informs me that she is my half-sister. My innocent mind feels excited and happy but my heart is breaking so I didn’t tell mom. I tried to keep it myself and continue being friends with Irene. But one day mom finds out and Irene and her mom have already flown away from town. Mom tries to accept them by giving them money and making us meet once a month so just it won’t hurt me.

Then after a year, we lost connection. Dad rarely comes home and a tragic story happens to mom and me that lead to mom’s death. Maybe from that very first day, I hate her but my mind won’t accept it. Maybe I also blame her for not having dad rescue us that day because surely dad is having a good time with them while we suffer. And maybe my mind just won’t accept my hate towards her because I love her and I treat her like my other half.

Maybe I treasured our friendship so much that I easily accept her as my sister but deep down I am hurt and I am stabbed a million times.

End of flashback…

“I sometimes want to ask Irene if she ever treats me like a best friend and a sister too,” I told Erin as I finished the story. Erin’s beautiful brows frowned. “Do you think Irene loves me as a friend?” I asked him. “I don’t know her personally Portia, but why would she let Sherlock cheat with her if she values a thing from you,” Erin said and it hurts me. But he’s right why would I ever expect something from that snake? Irene maybe really despise me too.