Running Into Figure Six

The Monday after, when mom’s call woke me up before my alarm clock did, was the beginning of yet another bad day for me in New York.

It was almost 7am and I really should have been anywhere else but my bed if I was to be fair. My fever was already gone, and my appetite was starting to return anyways, thanks to my annoying next-door neighbour, but that morning, my stomach was really killing me.

At times like this, I wish I had a car. I could have hired a driver so I could bury myself in the backseat to gain some momentum before reaching my workplace. Maybe i should really save up to buy one, or ask Gerald to give me some money because my nagging mom won’t ever. Except in my dreams.

Yeah, before I forget, it was her call which woke me up on the first day of my second week at work. And she was yelling as usual

“You never think to call your brother and I. Is that how easily you can throw us away?” Those were her first words to me. First words since I reached New York three weeks (or so) ago.

“Mom, I literally am just opening my eyes today” I whined, yawning. “I’m still sleepy”

“What has that got to do with what i said? You don’t care about us, and that’s not okay. What if I had died or Stephan started doing drugs?” She sounded too serious for a joke.

“At least that didn’t happen, and it hopefully never will. How are you?”

“I’m at the place you left me and your brother, Clarissa. Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to work?”

“Of course” i heard her scoff, and I just dropped my phone on the bed and dashed towards my bathroom.

She would begin her nagging soon, mainly rambling about how I’m being a heavy sleeper, even if I had only had a few hours of sleep, and I was not ready for that conversation – would never be.

In the bathroom, I could hear her talking to herself despite blocking my ears with my towel, and I wished I had not left my phone on loudspeaker. She would have to hang up soon enough when she did not hear me anymore, and i hoped so, or I really would be out of the bathroom butt-naked in the next minute, to slam my phone on the floor.

I hate this. I fucking hate everything.

When I got out of the bathroom more edgy than I already was, and heard her on the phone still talking about me being too cowardly, I yelled at her just then, and threatened to hang up if she wouldn’t stop saying such insensitive things.

“I really can’t do this right now, Mom. I need to go to work coolheaded. Please” I begged, more like cried, because my eyes were starting to water. I need Gerald’s affectionate hugs right now.

“You don’t ever listen to me, Clarissa. I know I’ve not been a bad mother but you always make me look like one” Yeah, that was it- her usual emotional blackmail, always talking me into apologizing to her.

And so I did the one thing I had never done or thought to do in my life- I hanged up on my mother’s voice. And I was never going to call her like she wanted, until she came to terms with her toxic attitude.

I know Jessie’s mother, Mrs Hill and their relationship is more like a sisterly one. They talk to each other like sisters, and spend time eating and talking about everything. My own mother only knew how to nag and remind me of my lovely father’s demise.

I waited to see if Mrs Chloe Bean would call back and i felt a little guilty when she didn’t, even after five minutes.

Then, I knelt by my bedside and let the tears out. I didn’t care that I was loud. I just needed the world to know that I was tired.

Tired of trying to admit that Dr Thomas Bean is no more, and that I’m no longer the little girl I was, and that nothing is going the right way in my life and I might also lose Gerald because I was getting tired. And I’ll be all alone and miserable because my mood swings and panic attacks might chase Jessie away.

As if the universe reminded me that I was not alone, I felt some warmth trickling down into my pants. My period is here.

Even though it’s kind of going to make me crankier , I felt not so alone with its arrival. I know that’s freaking weird, but it is what it is.

I don’t want to be late for work but I need pads.

I barely had anything in this house. Almost no girl things. Just emptiness. I wrap my bedclothes around me and hop out into my balcony quickly.

I was going to see if my annoying neighbour was around and if it was not too much, could he get me some pads?

He had been right- I was PMSing.

….