Rules Of Our Own (Rule Breaker Series Book 3)

THE CLOCK READS SIX FORTY-FIVE. There are fifteen minutes before our alarm’s set to go off, and with each change of the numbers, my chest tightens a little more.

Mia’s leaving this morning, and no matter how tempting it is to ask her to stay longer, I know it wouldn’t be fair to her. She has her internship and charity to get back to. I’ll be damned before I’m responsible for the dark purple creeping back beneath her eyes.

Instead, I watch the clock like it’s personally to blame for us running out of time.

Mia’s back expands against my chest with each of her breaths. She’s burrowed her face against Alex’s chest, and he’s buried his hand in her hair. If it wasn’t for the way she held my fingers locked over her sternum, entwined in hers, I might have thought they were their own couple.

I knew from the beginning this was temporary. She lives in Ottawa, and we’re in Boston. Hell, even if we could manage it, there’s no guarantee she’d want that. It’s one thing to have a weekend fling. It’s a whole other thing to get involved with two NHL players. The media coverage alone would be enough to bury someone.

She’s amazing and selfless, and there’d be no doubt if she decided we’re worth it. She’d put up with whatever bullshit came with that. But I can’t do that to her. Not when she’s already stressed-out. Not when she’s already giving all of herself.

There’s no part of me that wants to make her life harder.

Alex shifts, and his grip tightens on her like he’s afraid she’ll disappear, even in his sleep. I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, and a sharp pain pierces below my ribs when she turns into my palm.

A quick glance at the clock tells me there are less than five minutes left, and I nuzzle the curve of her neck, breathing in her lavender vanilla scent for the last time.

For a few days, I had everything I wanted, and it might kill me to let it go.

Mia doesn’t look away from the rain-streaked window as we head toward the San Francisco airport. She’s been quiet for the almost two-hour drive. Alex and I don’t fly out until tonight, but we insisted on traveling with her. If it gives me another two hours, I’ll take it.

The resort offered a chauffeured car service to the airport, and we chose a large Mercedes SUV so we could all fit in the back. Alex sits directly behind her. He’s pulled a few strands of her hair over the top of her seat and plays with them mindlessly. His unfocused gaze is straight ahead, lost in thought.

Mia shifts, and I fight the urge to turn her to face me. She looks calm while it feels like my body is roiling inside me. Every mile is a mile closer to saying goodbye. Forever…I can’t process that thought, so I let it slip from my mind to keep me up later.

Was she this collected back when she ghosted us in university? I understand what happened. I know it was my fault for being a jealous asshole. Hell, I’m surprised Alex still speaks to me.

I never thought it was easy for her. She’s just selfless by nature. Was I wrong? An uncomfortable churning fills my gut at the idea that none of this mattered to her.

Is this easy for her? Because I think it might kill me.

Words bubble up in my chest. I want to demand she acknowledge that this is something more, even if it was just a few days. Her cool demeanor is killing me.

She sniffs and turns further away from me as the blood drains from me. I’m such a fucking asshole. If I thought her indifference was bad, this is a million times worse.

I reach out and catch her jaw with my knuckle, directing her to face me, but she shakes off my touch and raises a hand to wipe under her eye.

“Mia, look at me,” I say with a hint of too much command, but I need to see her.

The green of her irises is brilliant against her red-rimmed lids. She gives me a watery smile. “I’m sorry.” She sniffs and rubs her face. “I’m being silly.”

She looks so unsure of herself, and the flush of embarrassment takes over her cheeks. How can she possibly not know how we feel about her? “I’m going to miss you, Mia. You know that, right?”

Her shoulders raise, and I fucking hate the insecure look that crosses her face.

Alex leans over the seat and kisses her temple. “Hey, Kitten. Where’s your claws?”

She rolls her eyes. “How long is it going to take to convince you to not call me that?”

He grins with his dimples in full view. “Forever.”

A soft chuckle tumbles from her lips, and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for him. I’ve never been good at levity. Always a little too serious. Intense.

But that’s where Alex levels me out, and within seconds, her tears have dried, and there’s a small smile curving her lips. Fucking magic.

We pull up to the drop-off zone of the airport entirely too soon. It’s like the seconds melted away without feeling them. I pull her small carry-on from the trunk and hold on to the handle as she tries to take it from me. Fuck.

She gives it a little tug, and I know I have to let it go, but I just grip it harder.

Alex slides up beside me and puts his hand on my upper back. He rubs it back and forth over my shoulder blades, and the tension leaves my muscles. I let go of her bag and shove my hands in my pockets to stop myself from doing anything stupid. The thought of kidnapping isn’t out of the realm of my fantasies.

She pulls it toward her, the drizzle of rain dampening her hair as she stares up at us with round, glassy eyes. “So that was fun, right?”

Her tone doesn’t match her words, and I have to take a deep breath before speaking. “Right.”

A shiver visibly runs through her, and Alex reaches behind his head, pulling off his deep blue hoodie in one move, and drops it over her head. The heavy fabric engulfs her to mid-thigh. He adjusts the strings near her neck, fiddling with them longer than necessary, and says, “Don’t want you catching a cold.”

She digs her hands into the center pouch, and her shoulders rise. “I won’t be able to return it.”

Alex runs his thumb over her cheek before dropping his hands to his sides and giving her a cocky smile. “Keep it. I’ll get it back the next time I see you.”

“Oh yeah? When’s that?” she asks, and her eyes shine.

Alex’s smile grows, and he chuckles. “When we come up there and kick Jax’s ass in a few months.”

“You wish.” She laughs, but it breaks at the end.

Alex wraps her in a bear hug, pulling her off her feet, and kisses her slowly for several moments before returning her to the ground. I’m so fucking jealous because I know I can’t handle doing the same.

She looks at me from where she stands, Alex’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. “What, no hug goodbye?”

Fuck. I want to so badly, but I dig my hands further into my pockets and shake my head. “You’re going to be late.”

She flinches, and her chin trembles at my brush-off, and I lose all restraint, pulling her into my arms and smashing my mouth to hers. She folds into me instantly, grasping my shirt and tugging me closer. I deepen the kiss, tasting Alex’s mint gum, and groan. All thoughts of what’s right to do or sane dissolve; all I care about is staying in this moment.

She’s the one to pull away. Her fingers play with the top button of my pressed white oxford shirt. “At least we had the weekend.”

Alex’s face crumples before he hides it in the curve of her neck. He takes an audible breath before letting it out and backing up, giving us both a wide smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “We’ll always have Napa.”

It’s such a cliché thing to say, but it breaks some of the tension. Both of us step away from her as she takes a few steps toward the airport entrance before glancing back. “Always have Napa.”

This weekend had been a dream, a bubble of time where we could forget the real world and just be together. But now, reality is crashing back in. Mia’s eyes meet mine, and I see the pain there, the same pain no doubt visible in mine. It’s like we’re both treading water, trying to keep our heads above the surface but knowing that eventually, we’ll drown.

“I’ll text you both when I land,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

I just nod, unable to speak, afraid my voice will betray me, that she will hear the desperation in my words.

Alex chimes in. “Dirty text, I hope.”

“You’re disgusting.” She huffs. “Just for that, you’ll have to wait for River to tell you when I land.”

“Oh, come on,” Alex says playfully.

She laughs before she gives us a final, sad smile and then turns to walk away, her carry-on bag rolling behind her.

She disappears into the airport, her small figure swallowed by the throngs of people, and I feel like a part of me is being ripped away.

It takes everything in me not to chase after her. I channel that energy and punch the departure sign to my right. Blood drips from the split in my knuckles, but it doesn’t matter. I need the pain as a distraction.

Alex grips my shoulders. “Come on. Let’s go get wasted.”

That’s an absolutely perfect idea.

We stumble into the nearest bar and find a booth hidden in the back. The low lighting, combined with the smell of alcohol, hit me in the face like a brick. I don’t even bother with the menu and just order a whiskey neat. Alex orders four shots of tequila and places them in front of each of us.

He throws back his shot and slams the glass on the table. “Fuck, that was intense.”

I nod in agreement and take a sip of my drink. “It’s fucked.”

Alex leans back in the booth, his eyes unfocused as he traces the rim of his shot glass. “It feels like getting hit by a train.”

“Yeah,” I say, finishing my whiskey and gesturing for another.

We just let the best thing that ever happened to us walk away. Again.