[26] a
Damn!
Stupid and idiotic are definitely words I deserve to label myself with! Oh my God! What’s wrong with me? Suddenly so emotional, suddenly acting like a cheap woman in front of Cedric, and suddenly so clingy! I feel like it wasn’t me who did all that last night! Seriously!
I didn’t respond to Cedric’s words about marriage. That’s too far ahead. There are many things I need to adjust first if we were to consider marriage. I don’t want to rush and say I agree. No. I still have my beliefs, although not as strong as before, that without this child, my life would return to normal.
“Do you not want chocolate milk?” Cedric asked, his gaze unwavering. I also remember his tender care last night. Not the kissing part, oh no! Cedric made me a cup of hot chocolate and prepared two slices of buttered bread for me. That wasn’t all; he even massaged my feet, especially the soles, saying I should start reducing wearing high heels.
I don’t want to! My reputation might go downhill if Krystal suddenly asks me to go out after work, even though I’m pretty sure that’s unlikely to happen. Speaking of my situation at the office, I unconsciously started talking about my fear of Anna.
Cedric? He laughed. He said I was too negative in my thinking. Things that shouldn’t be thought about too deeply, I always obsess over. I should work better now that Anna is helping me. There’s a lot I can do, Cedric said. After all, Krystal likes my work style. Why am I worrying so much?
“But what if she still fires me, no matter the reason?” This was probably the umpteenth time I asked him this question. If I did it in front of Naomi or Dona, they would probably scold me. Oh, don’t compare myself to them. Maybe Kelvin? But I rarely talk to him. Just listening to Kelvin talk makes me full. So I better keep my mouth shut, be a good listener when I spend time with Kelvin. And that can be counted on one hand.
“If Mrs. Krystal talks like that, the chances of you being fired are slim. Unless you make a mistake.” Cedric looked at me, and I appeared surprised by the talk of making mistakes. Well… this pregnancy out of wedlock, that’s a mistake!
“I mean, regarding work issues,” he quickly corrected. I felt relieved that Cedric saw it that way.
“Yeah, that’s right.” I took a slow sip of the hot chocolate Cedric prepared for me. I nibbled on the pieces of bread that Cedric cut while hoping not to throw up like earlier.
From the corner of my eye, I could see how genuinely concerned Cedric was. I could feel it. Could… he be my pillar?
“Cedric,” I called, making him turn to me. He stopped massaging my feet for a moment. “Aren’t you working tonight?”
He smiled. “No. I have the day off today.”
“If I were to be fired, for whatever reason.” I signaled him not to interrupt my words. I saw Cedric’s lips shut again. “Can you guarantee our future together? While… I’m realistic, you and I are different.”
I quickly continued because I didn’t want to offend him in any way. “Sorry, I don’t mean to belittle you, but is it okay for me to ask like this?”
Cedric nodded. “You’re right. It’s perfectly normal for you to be afraid and think that I can’t meet your expectations. Maybe in terms of finances.”
I remained silent because I was sure Cedric wanted to keep talking.
“As I said before, I won’t stop fighting for both of you. I’ll do whatever it takes for you two, because you are my priorities now, Joice. Maybe in the near future, I won’t be able to fulfill everything you want. Maybe your habits of shopping or having fun with friends, I won’t be able to fully meet them yet.”
Well, if we look deeper into it, I don’t really indulge myself that much. If he meant that I like to shop and spend a lot of money, that’s not true. I buy things that I really need. This apartment is also a rented one. I just wanted a more private atmosphere. But when it comes to the number of needs that Cedric will have to fulfill later, that’s true.
In my economic calculations, we are uneven.
“If we talk about this, can I have high hopes?” I furrowed my brow in response to his gaze.
“Do you accept us now? Are we in your life? And will you let me fight for you?”
I had no words to reply. I couldn’t nod or shake my head as an answer to his question. He said goodbye last night after making sure everything was fine and that I could be left alone.
“Tomorrow morning, if you can’t handle work, ask for a week off. Rest.”
I snorted. “I just threw up because I felt nauseous, not because I fainted again.”
“It’s better to take care of yourself, Joice.”
I waved my hand, a sign for him to leave. Not that I wanted to; it was just that the clock near the kitchen showed that it was already eleven at night. What time would he get home? If he stayed too late, it could be dangerous for Cedric. If tomorrow he fell asleep again like this morning? Lack of rest, right?
“I’m going home. Get some sleep soon, Joice.”
“Hmph.”
“Do I still need permission to touch your stomach, or are you allowed to do that every time there’s a chance?”
“You wish!”
“Miss Anya, are you daydreaming?”
I was startled, causing the pen in my hand to slide perfectly. I blinked slowly, and the atmosphere of the office took control of me once again. Oh my God! Why do I have to remember what happened here last night?! As if there’s no other place to daydream about Cedric.
“Oh, no,” I said briefly.
“Is there something on your mind, Anya?”
This time, Krystal’s voice interrupted. I closed my eyes for a moment. How could I daydream in Krystal’s office? I quickly continued my memory about what we were discussing. I haven’t done much since I asked Anna to pay more attention to Krystal’s orders, and I’ve briefed her on Krystal’s habits.
“No, Ma’am,” I replied when I finally mustered the courage to look at Krystal. I couldn’t possibly ignore her question for too long.
“If something’s bothering you, you better take a rest. It’s fine. Anna can handle things faster, right? Anya doesn’t seem to be in good condition.”
I blinked softly. Krystal was becoming suspicious. It’s like I really have to be careful and avoid doing anything that would make her worry like before. Should I ask her about it?
Where’s the firm Krystal, intolerant of mistakes without any clear reasons, hardworking, and fond of tormenting me as her assistant?
***