#1 Chapter 19
MIA
I was kidnapped again.
Everything was a repeat of my first week in his mansion when he kept a close watch but never forced his company on me. I contacted seven divorce attorneys-all who mysteriously weren’t accepting clients and never returned my calls once I mentioned my husband’s name. Not one goddamned lawyer in this city would touch my case.
I was stuck with him.
And I might be pregnant.
The possibility loomed over my head. He had claimed me so thoroughly that there was no question of me belonging to him. Too late to take back the hours of mind-blowing sex, the many times he’d finished inside me, or that I’d relished every moment.
I wanted more but I couldn’t because I wanted to hate him. I pictured Carmela’s fractured state when she’d popped back into my life, and a swell of contempt would crash into the budding affection for my husband. I’d catch myself smiling at him, and shame would pit my stomach. The contradiction ripped my soul apart.
Then Serena died.
The news came in a text message sent by my husband. She’d apparently overdosed in rehab. It was horrible, but I couldn’t dwell on Serena’s death. My sister was still missing.
Alessio was rarely around. There were politicians to soothe. Permissions that needed to be revoked and granted. He had to pick up slack from Michael’s leave of absence, he had meetings with lawyers, bosses from other crime families, and he had to find my sister. I wouldn’t be able to look at my parents without blurting that their daughter was alive. Which was why I flipped through a Bourton University catalog, instead of visiting Mom and Dad.
I skipped through pages, the small lines of text blurring together as days of stress caught up with me.
A distant door opened and closed. Alessio’s footsteps stopped at the library. I peeked over my book as he strode in, looking pleased with himself. His weight sank into the cushions.
Alessio flashed me a wide grin. “Good news.”
“You found her.”
“I did.”
“Where? Is she safe?”
“She’s fine. She will be, at least. I tracked her to a housing authority in Roxbury. She didn’t want to go anywhere with me. I had to force her into the car.”
“You didn’t hurt her.”
“No, but it wasn’t pretty.”
Crap. “You should’ve called me.”
“I couldn’t jeopardize losing her when my sanity depends on bringing her back to you.”
“Tell me more.”
“We drove for a while to calm her. I couldn’t dump her on your father’s doorstep in that state. It took a bit for her to stop panicking, and then she told me what that piece of shit did.” Alessio’s sigh cut the air as he leaned forward, face in his palms. “I’ll find him and gouge out his fucking eyes.”
My head pounded. “Tone it down.”
“He deserves to die.”
“My sister decides whatever punishment that man gets.”
“Well, it’ll have to wait until after Christmas. Nico will organize a meeting with your father, me, and the MC president.”
“What do you hope to gain?”
“That asshole’s head on a platter.”
“But I don’t want you to kill anyone.”
His arm slid across my shoulders and pulled me close. “I know.”
“You shouldn’t risk your life.”
“Worried I’ll get hurt?”
He flashed a conspiratorial grin, as though he was in on the joke, but the image of Alessio lying in a hospital didn’t make me laugh. I’d been to plenty of late-night vigils in trauma centers, doing Hail Marys with the rest of them even though I’d long given up on the power of prayer.
Nausea pitted my stomach.
“Hey, that won’t happen.”
I couldn’t stand the tenderness in his voice. “You can’t promise that.”
“If something happens, you’ll be taken care of. You’ll always be looked after, no matter-what’s wrong?”
I’m not worried about myself, you idiot!
I stood, facing a bewildered Alessio, who probably thought his death would mildly inconvenience me. Until now, I hadn’t thought about it.
How many gangsters were gunned down in front of restaurants or walking to and from a parking garage or even in their fucking homes? And then I’d have to pick up the pieces of my shattered soul, and move on with our future children.
“What if we have kids?”
“I’ve more than enough capital for them, too.”
“Can that replace a father? Who will be their dad when you’re gone? What’s your plan for that?”
A ray of understanding dawned on Alessio as his eyes widened. He wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his forehead against mine.
“You don’t want to lose me.”
No.
My heart throbbed with the gut-wrenching pain that would consume me if he died.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t expect me to take that seriously after everything I’ve been through.”
“Believe in me. I’m excellent at what I do.” Alessio seemed to grow alarmed at my silence. “Where is this coming from?”
“We’re stuck together. Forever.” Misery tightened my throat as I sought comfort from the very man giving me grief. “And I never wanted this life. It chose me-I didn’t choose it.”
“Don’t worry so much.”
“Repeating that doesn’t help.”
“My work is networking, bridging connections, finding new business opportunities, and solving disputes. Once in a while, I’ll put someone in their place, but it rarely gets out of hand.”
“You think you’re safe, but you’re not.”
“Baby-”
“There’s nothing you can say. I know how quickly people get killed. I’ve been to their funerals, the hospital vigils, and you won’t convince me you’re invincible. Your wealth will help you stay alive, but if you become a problem-you’re gone.”
“You need to relax.”
“I can’t while you’re in this. I only hope you’ll change. Because you want out of this, too.”
Alessio gave me a smile that boiled my blood, and then he kissed my head.
“No, I don’t.”
THE DAYS that followed were the happiest in my parents’ life. My heart burst to watch them slowly heal. Dad hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since Carmela, and Mom was accepting that her daughter wasn’t going to disappear in the middle of the night. I spent every minute with my sister, whose panic subsided when she realized nobody would force her to do anything.
They still had no idea Alessio had found Carmela months ago. I’d asked her to keep that detail quiet. I had enough problems without my parents hating my husband, and as much as I loathed lying, they were happier not knowing.
Stepping into their home no longer felt like visiting a mausoleum. Our family was knitting together. I could never make Mom and Dad go through this again, so I resolved to never leave Boston.
Which meant staying married to Alessio.
Forever.
My relationship with Alessio had improved, but it was far from happy. I’d moved my stuff into his bedroom, but his side of the bed was always cold. His duties had increased as Nico piled on more responsibility after Michael’s wife passed away.
A weary resignation settled into my bones as we exited the funeral parlor. Black jackets spilled down the steps as people hurried over the snowy street to their cars, families, and warmth-three things Serena would never have again.
During the viewing, Michael did nothing but stare at the coffin with a heartbreaking vacancy that echoed Vinn’s toneless sorry-for-your-loss. Vinn wasn’t the only guy who didn’t seem to give a shit. Virtually every Costa who approached Michael patted his back and repeated the same bullshit sentiments as the man before them. Alessio’s somber tone and hug were more convincing, but not by much.
Alessio’s hand slipped into mine. “Let’s go.”
I stared at him. “It ends at six.”
“We have to do this again tomorrow.”
As though I needed a lesson on funerals. “Yes, I know. But we’re not leaving Michael.”
“We’ve paid our respects, and I’m starving.”
“Suck it up. This is just another Tuesday.”
His lip twitched. “That’s dark.”
“Says the man channeling John Gotti’s spirit.”
His grin carved dimples into his cheeks. “You realize that’s a compliment, right?”
“You don’t leave until the immediate family leaves, especially when it’s your captain’s wife. Have a fucking heart, Alessio.”
“I don’t.”
“You do. And I wish you’d stop pretending otherwise.”
Alessio beamed as he tugged me down the stairs, and my stomach flipped with the unexpected flood of warmth. “You’re always looking for proof that I’m not a bastard, and I like that. But I don’t give a fuck about that woman. And neither does Michael.”
The chill seemed to penetrate the thick wool and freeze my chest.
“I hate when you talk like that.”
“You said you wanted full transparency.”
I thought I did. “Yes.”
“Maybe you can’t handle it.”
“I can tolerate your bullshit.”
“Don’t be mad.” Alessio reeled me into a protective embrace that squeezed out my frustration. “You know I mean well. If you’d rather I toned it down, I’m willing to do that.”
Listening to his unfiltered opinions grated at me, but I preferred the truth.
“No. I want you to be you.”
“But you might be happier without knowing everything.”
“I want a real relationship with my husband.”
He glanced at his feet and smiled, as though trying to conceal how much that pleased him. When he met my gaze, he dropped the bravado. He looked taken aback and content, and was that cold biting his cheeks pink?
“I’m crazy about you.”
That dipped me in liquid heat. Then his knuckle brushed my cheek, and I couldn’t fight the grin staggering across my face. Alessio blazed with the same warmth, and, for a second, I saw our future together like a Hallmark romance. We had the house and each other. Maybe, one day, love would blossom in him, and he would see the world differently. It would change him.
He would change.
And we would be happy.
His pulse thudded against my palm as I swept over his chest and anchored on his shoulders. Pleasure wrapped my throat as he teased, tipping my chin. His smile didn’t just give me backflips-it stole my breath.
Suddenly, he was close enough to taste.
I kissed him. His mouth took a moment to soften, as though he didn’t expect me to initiate. He never seemed to take me for granted, but I lived for the moments when he shrugged off his suspicion.
I angled my head and deepened the kiss, my heart exploding with his passionate response. He backed me into a tree. Hand at my waist, gliding into my jacket. He skated my thigh until he’d slipped under my skirt and grabbed my ass. He squeezed, releasing a growl that vibrated through my body. We exchanged breaths like two people whose only source of life was each other.
A car horn honked.
I broke from Alessio, cold washing me as I took in the funeral home and the mourners. “We shouldn’t.”
“We can do whatever the hell we want.”
But Alessio grasped my wrist and tugged me toward his BMW. He rubbed warmth into my fingers as we slid into the backseat. He texted John, who was still inside. As we waited for him, a dark thought popped my happy bubble.
“You said you didn’t care about Serena, and neither did Michael.”
Alessio withdrew from me. “They were having issues.”
No surprises, there.
Then why this rotten feeling? “You’re so callous about her.”
“You know why. Did you think I’d forget what that bitch did?”
His hostility only darkened my suspicions.
“How did she die?”
“I told you.” Alessio frowned, looking unhappy at the turn in conversation. “Overdose. Heroin.”
“How did she get drugs in rehab?”
“Someone must’ve brought it in.”
His leading tone filled my stomach with dread.
“Alessio, you didn’t.”
He hardened.
Good Lord.
He fucking killed her.
“You did it.”
“I wish I had the satisfaction, but no, I didn’t. The dumb bitch died doing what she loved the most. If I’m being completely honest, she wasn’t long for this world. I’m not sorry, Mia. Serena almost got you and Vinn killed.”
This was the man I’d married.
“How can you talk like that?”
“Mia. Baby. I love how sweet you are, but you’ve got to mellow out. Don’t pretend like she didn’t have it coming. She hand-fed you to those animals, and it was dumb luck that you and Vinn survived.”
I’d peeled away a new layer of my husband, revealing his pitch-black soul. “I’m trying to make this work even though it’s against every instinct. And then you say something horrible.”
“No,” he snapped. “The real horror was what she inflicted on Mariette and Matteo. Those poor, innocent kids. She treated them like garbage. Exposed to the cold, unsupervised, drugged-what if someone else had found them? Anybody could have broken into that car and taken them. She didn’t give a damn. She just wanted to get high. And how could she put you in that position? You gave your time to be her servant-watch the children, cook, and tidy up. And at the earliest opportunity, she threw you to the wolves. So no, I’m not sorry she’s dead. She can rot in hell.”
“Jesus, Alessio. She could’ve changed.”
“People don’t change.”
“Did you-did you ever stop to think about Michael’s feelings?”
“Yes, I did,” he said, softening. “But it’s not up to him. There have to be consequences, or everything we do is pointless. It’s a blessing in disguise, Mia. I don’t have blood on my hands, and Michael can sleep soundly knowing he did everything he could for that woman.”
“Maybe he didn’t want Serena to die.”
“The Catholic in him cared about her, but he’d already filed for divorce and would’ve sued for custody. Now the children won’t have to attend a dozen hearings. They won’t be stuffed with poison whenever Mommy wants a break. They’ll be with their dad, who loves them and will always elevate them above his needs.”
“Are we talking about you or Michael?”
“This discussion is over.” Alessio’s anger boomed through me like thunder, crumbling the house I’d built in my heart, stone by stone.
Good existed inside him-he meant well-but darkness motivated his actions. He was so intense. He needed to realize that his twisted moral compass was incompatible with raising a family. People don’t change.
I was headed for a massive heartbreak.