Feelings – Part 2
Lillie
“Take it easy.” Try to calm me down with your hands. You had refused to give me your details and I couldn’t wait any longer to hear from you.
I pucker up my nose and my forehead. What’s the matter with him? I knew that nothing good could come from him.
“But who do you think you are to investigate my life?” I raise my voice.
I get up abruptly.
“Wait.” He does the same and approaches me quickly”I just looked into that.” I wasn’t thinking things through, until…” He pauses. I look at him without being able to understand. He inhales deeply and then exhales”. So far I realized a few things. “He comes closer to me and grabs my hands”. Now I want to know you, to know about your life and that you want to tell me about it.
I remain like a petrified statue in the place because of what he just confessed.
This man standing in front of me is not the Devil I met a few months ago. This one is different. I do not know if he is trying to change or if he brings out his true self from deep down. Maybe he pretends, but that’s impossible, since his look denotes sincerity and his words do too. Could it be that he has a good side? Maybe not, because I saw him when he saved me. If it was just to take me to bed, he wouldn’t have risked himself to the point of almost losing his life for a whore. Do I mean anything more to him? I don’t know. Only he has that answer, or maybe not.
I take my seat back where I was before. He closes his eyes and takes out the air. He looks relieved. Go back to your place. We are silent for a few minutes while we eat.
“I decided to study medicine because of my mother. “I resume the conversation; I answer your question”. After she was diagnosed with cancer, I thought about studying a specialty in oncology. “I close my eyes for a moment. It’s hard for me to talk about my mother’s illness.” You know.” I open my eyes and look at him. He has all his attention on me, with his gaze fixed on my face”, my dream was another, but eventually, and because I couldn’t go on with it anymore, I had to stop dancing. “He arches an eyebrow. Not that kind of dancing. I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, but that was impossible for me. “Forced smile.
“And why not? “I raise my gaze to see him, since I fixed it on my plate. I shrug my shoulders and make a mouthful with my lips”. I think you should never have abandoned your dreams.
“I had no other choice. It was to study a career that would give me something for the future or to have nothing.
“Do you regret it? You sound a little melancholy. You say that you chose medicine for a great reason, which is positive. That’s what should keep you happy.
“Maybe. “I rest my arm on the table and my chin in my hand.” And you wanted to be a mafioso?
He takes a breath again, recharges himself in his seat and contemplates me.
“It’s not something I would have had by choice, I was born with that destiny. My future was already waiting for me before I was born. And I’m not proud of killing, trafficking and doing illegal things, but that’s my life, that’s my fucking world, what my father left me and I promised to protect with my whole being, my fucking hell.
In his words there is pain, melancholy. I don’t know him, but I can sense him with that desolate look.
Apparently, it affects both of us to talk about something like that.
I want to put my interrogation aside so as not to burden him further. He doesn’t give me any more details, but for the moment I’m content with that. I’m not going to find out more about that right now. Maybe later he will tell me everything.
“You’re not very communicative, Mr. Devil.
“If I told you more, I would have to kill you and everything would go to the fucking shit” he jokes. Sketch that smile that I used to hate and now I’m starting to like”. Well, you’re lucky I don’t murder women and children.
“Thank God! I had already begun to worry. The thought of being alone with a woman killer would have ended this quiet evening.
He leans forward and smiles at me.
“I didn’t know you liked jokes.
“Well, you’ve already found out my secret. “I wink at him.
This man is becoming something more to me. I feel that he disarms me with his charm, with that side that he was hiding. I really have to make an effort to keep the reins of the conversation.
“Can I ask you a personal question?
“It depends on how personal it is. “He raises his eyebrows and smiles.
I want to know. It’s been going around in my head for days.
“Do you investigate every woman you come to de-desire or want to sleep with her to the point of harassing her?” I look down at my plate.
“No” he replies immediately. It’s the first time I’ve proposed something like that to a woman. “He pauses”. All the women who have passed through my life are passengers, until I met you. “His voice changes.
I look up. Her eyes take on that dark shade again.
Am I different from all of them? What was it about me that attracted your attention? Well, if we go by the physical, I could understand. Environment of the eyes. I know why.
“You’re the only one who has provoked something more than a desire. I don’t know exactly what it is, but you drive me crazy, to the point of completely losing my mind, to the point of wanting to have you by my side all the fucking time. “He leans closer and grabs me by the chin. I feel my body getting hot as he lifts my face. I stop breathing for a few seconds. I like you, and a lot,” he whispers. I want to do it correctly, without forcing anything. I want you on my bed, under me. I want you to scream my name when you cum with me.
I swallow saliva. My breathing is starting to get stuck.
He’s still holding my chin. Her gray eyes won’t leave mine.
“Why me?
He strokes my chin with his thumb.
“Why? Because you make me feel something different every time I kiss and touch you or just by looking at you. “His gaze travels to my lips and then to my eyes”. Let me show you why.
My heart is beating so hard. I pass saliva again. I am nervous, but I also want this. I’m not saying anything. Silence answers for me.
He grabs my hand and invites me to accompany him.
I know exactly where we’re going, maybe to his room.
I’ve already decided, there’s no going back.