MORE THAN A SECRETARY

“What did you say?”

He asked and suddenly she couldn’t keep it in anymore, she wanted more and deserved more, she couldn’t keep this up if there was going to be nothing for her.

“I said I want more, I deserve more, I can’t settle for crumbs anymore, I can’t be your fuck buddy anymore,”

She yelled, he walked past her and locked his office door before coming back to her.

“Fuck buddy?”

“That’s what we are, isn’t it? Or what are we?”

“Katrina,”

“I want more okay?”

She let out raising her hands up.

“Kat, we talked about this, why are you doing this right now? And at the office at that,”

“Why? But we have slept together here a whole lot of times, so why is it a problem if I want this to end here too? And yes we did talk a lot it and you agreed to let me go if ever I wanted more so here is me saying I want out, I can’t do this anymore,”

She let out, willing herself not to cry, she has prepared herself for this moment right from their fight two months ago, when he had called her out for expecting favors from him because they were sleeping together, right from then she has been preparing herself for this, but guess she wasn’t as ready as she thought because saying the words hurt and it was going to hurt even more when he agrees, she wished he could at least give them a chance to be anything other than fuck buddies, she wished he could give himself a chance to learn to love someone.

“Yeah, I agreed and as much as I don’t want to do this, Kat if you want this to end, then, you have it, you get what you want,”

He answered, he said it so casually that it hurt, how could he be so calm and how could he say she gets what she wants?

“Get what I want? I don’t get what I want, what I want I can never get,”

She voiced the tears threatening to burst out, she let out a breath and tried to calm down, willed herself to talk calmly and not go all screaming and stuff, talk as calmly as he was doing, but the problem was she has kept it in for so long that when she opened her mouth she just want to let it all out and be free, whatever he chooses to do with the information will be up to him, she made up her mind to tell him this moment and now.

“What are you on about again? I already said we can end this, so what else do you want that you are not getting?”

“You!!”

She screamed despite willing herself not to. “I want you,”

“Okay, you had me and you just told me to end this, you are the one that is letting me go here, you are the one ending it, I didn’t do anything,”

“No, I don’t want us to just be bed buddies, I want you to love me because I love you!!,

She busted out, the tears finding their way out and she just let them.

“Katrina, we talked about this, please don’t do this,”

Was his answer, what had she been expecting? A hug? A declaration of love, she already knew it wasn’t going to be the case so why did it still hurt so much?

“Listen to me Lucas, I am in love with you, have been in love with you for a long time now, yes I agreed that I wasn’t going to catch feeling but I couldn’t help it alright and I feel stupid for it, and it’s didn’t just start now, I have been in love with since forever alright, it’s not my fault if you made it so easy to love you, all I wanted, all I want is for you to love me too,”

She revealed, she already said it, might as well let it all out, get it off her chest.

“Katrina,”

He called.

“Why? Because you don’t do love? Because I am only good for bed? I am not worthy of your love? I get it, alright, I get it, yet I still fell for you,”

She replied wiping her tears, it was pointless crying anyway, she already knew how this would end.

“Katrina, I can’t love you, not just you, I can’t love anyone so please if you can stop talking about all these, let’s just go back to being boss and assistant, our agreement was to do just that if ever it comes to this,”

“That’s all you have to say?”

She asked, she didn’t know why she expected more.

“Yes, you got into this knowing what’s in for you, I made it quite clear, gave you a chance to choose, you knew quite well, never gave you false hope, spelled it out, so if you knew and still decided to go ahead and catch feelings, then it’s on you, not me, take care of your feeling because whatever you were hoping for will never happen, I am not in love with you and would never be,”,

He said heartlessly, just like that, her defense came crashing, but she held it all in, she wasn’t going to let him see her break down, gathering her pride she looked up at him for the first time since they started talking, looked him straight in the eyes.

“Alright, yeah they are my feelings and I will take care of them, I am sorry if I bothered you with them, and I am sorry for any damage it caused, I promise it won’t happen again if you don’t mind sir, I will like to take the rest of the week off and treat my feeling, if you dont mind, you can remove it from my salary, I will be back Monday with zero feelings, back professional,”

She said meaning every word.

“You can take the off, I was going to let you off anyway, the new assistant starts work next week,”

He replied.

“What? A new assistant? And I wasn’t aware? Where you planning on letting me off? You were going to fire me?”

She asked she couldn’t believe he would do this to her, never thought it would come to this.

“Why do you always jump to conclusions? We had an agreement remember? You get a promotion if we get the property and we did get it, so I am fulfilling my side of the bargain.”

He explained, but she didn’t want a promotion, she wanted him.

“I don’t want it, I am not going to accept it, I never agreed to it,”

She replied.

“Katrina,”

“What kind of promotion can a secretary get anyway? You are just doing this to push me away, to get rid of your mistake,”

“Katrina, why are you doing this? Just why? All I want is for you to have to come to work less, for you to have someone to assistant you so that you will have time for yourself,”

“It’s okay if you will excuse me,”

She said and walked away from him, out of his office, grabbed her bag, her laptop, and the things she could find through her tears, making sure her table was organized, she wiped her eyes clean to avoid unnecessary attention on her, walked out of the office, got into her car and drove home.

There in the privacy of her home, she finally let go, crying for all she wanted and yet couldn’t have, she wanted to call Jordan but she didn’t want to disturb him with her issues, she knew what she got herself into and was going to face it herself.

She spent the rest of the day feeling pity for herself, that didn’t stop her from calling Leah and congratulating her, she found out that Lilac too was expecting a baby, everyone else was doing well except her, Jordan came on the third day, nagged her about not telling him about it and dragged her out of the house, they went to visit her parents and spent the weekend there, by the time she returned home on Sunday night, she was sure she was ready to face Lucas again without being sorry for herself, all she wanted now was to move on past her feelings for him and get back on her feet…