Not so Netflix and Chill
Maliah
I smiled, extremely happy that I was having a day off. Cause to be sincere, everything happening this past week had made me feel like I was on the verge of a breakdown soon.
I walked to the kitchen cabinets and grabbed a cup, walked to the fridge, and grabbed a glass of wine and the popcorn I left on the sink. I walked back to the living room, excited to watch this new movie, and just Netflix and have some time alone with myself.
My phone rang the moment I pressed play, causing me to grab it from the table in front of me. I checked the caller ID and realized it was my mom. It was just 8 a. m., and knowing my mom well, she was getting ready to open her store.
“Hey mama,” I placed the phone on my ears, stretching my hands to pass the TV remote on the table.
“Maliah,” she called out in a crying tone, causing me to sit up on the couch abruptly.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong? I questioned in a worried tone, while my right leg started to shake a bit, as thought rolled into my mind.
“It’s your father? He’s at it again? I thought he promised to stop. But..,” she tried going on with speaking but instead burst into a loud cry.
“Mom please calm down, Speak to me slowly this time. What is going on?” I asked already, pacing through the living room. Tears already welled up in my heart, while I bit my lips at several intervals.
” Last night, your father said he was going to meet up with some old friends and would be coming in late,” She paused and sniffed in, and from the phone I could hear her breathing, making me not my lips even harder, as I got even more worried.
“So I asked if I could stay up and wait for him to return home. But he said I would rather not, so I didn’t. I waited up late at night on the sofa, but fell asleep since he didn’t return, even after calling his cellphone hundreds of times, but it rang for a moment and later was discontinued,” she shuttered, and right now, I could imagine the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“What happened, Mom?” I managed to say lightly, masking the fact that I was already in tears even without knowing what had happened. But did I really need to, the fact that it involves my dad, definitely warrants the tears cause he only brings trouble.
” This morning I still tried his line, while preparing Junior for school, and when I was about to drop him off,” she held her breath and took a pause, this time I knew she was fighting the urge to not burst into another round of crying.
“What happened, Mom? Please tell me?” I rushed to say, now really pacing faster than before. I scattered my hair, worried and fearful of the unthinkable.
“He was,” she cried, while I sat on the couch, now my leg shaking, as I became very anxious.
“What was he doing mum,” I almost cried out, but I held myself back.
“He was lying on the front porch, bleeding to death. I think he’s back to gambling,” she took a deep breath, and I shook my head, letting the silent tears rush in. I looked up to the ceiling trying to stop myself from crying because of this man I call my father. But each time he just seems to find a way to mess up my life.
“What do we do, Maliah? Whoever did this to him? Might come to kill him? Or worse, he might drag us down with him?” She asked to sniff him, while I used my hand to cover my mouth while sniffing in, so she wouldn’t hear.
“Did Junior see anything,” I asked, resting my face on my palms. I was more worried about how junior I was, rather than my supposed dying father.
“I pushed him back inside, but I’m pretty sure he saw it. I don’t know, baby. He might have, ’cause I saw him crying a bit after the ambulance took your father,” she explained, while I used my palms to rub my head.
“Great, not only is he trying to ruin our life, my life, your life. But he plans on dragging Junior into this mess and traumatizing that kid. God!!.,” I was up on my feet now, rubbing the back of my neck, and crying silently again.
Mom we need to speak with Junior, I don’t want him getting drowned in Dad’s mess,” I said to her, and she hummed at me.
“I’ll speak with him,” she said and I took a deep breath.
“I’ll come home soon. We would both speak with him,” I said and released a deep breath several times.
“Alright baby, I’ll see you soon,” she said and I nodded my head like she could see me here, before hanging up.
At the moment she did that, I fell to the ground and started to wail. I was so tired, I couldn’t breathe. I opened my mouth, releasing and taking in breath while hitting my chest, and trying so hard not to burst out loudly.
“No, don’t cry,” I used my left hand to rub my right shoulder, hoping that telling myself that would stop me from breaking down like this. Hoping that telling myself that, would make it hurt any less, or make me feel suddenly better.
But it wasn’t working, none of it worked. The slow hitting on my chest, the rubbing of my legs, the taking in breath, the talking to myself, none of them worked at all, and it only made me feel more miserable about myself, my situation, and my family.
“Would this get any better? Would things ever be great? How long would I keep living like this? How much more do I need to endure? How long can you take this Malia? How long?” I questioned myself, forcing myself up to go get my bags packed for my trip home…