Holding on to you

“What the hell was that all about, Lil?”

I was waiting in the lunch line in the cafeteria to purchase my lunch when Jason came up behind me and dragged me away.

God! What the hell is with guys and dragging me?!

When we were back in the empty school hall I yanked my hand away from him. I’m sick of being treated like I’m some toy for everyone to play with, and since it was impossible to fight against Killian I decided to rebel against Jason.

“Firstly, I don’t know what you’re talking about, and secondly, let go of my hand you’re hurting me!”

I rubbed the spot that was still stinging a little and glared at him. I know I wasn’t really upset with him, but my anger needed an outlet and he was it.

Jason glared at me right back, his body was held stiff and he was clenching and unclenching his jaw.

Why in the name of the blue balls monkey was he angry?

I didn’t get it. I’m the one who was dragged away from getting food to feed my tummy monsters and I know that if I don’t feel them soon they will probably eat me.

“Why the hell did you sit next to Killer? And why didn’t you leave the class like the rest of us? What the hell were you doing in there until lunch?”

I felt guilty because I couldn’t answer any of his questions, he deserved answers but I just couldn’t tell him. It’s not like Killian would care if I tell anyone because according to him it’s just sex, but my friends know that I’m not the type of girl who goes around sleeping with guys. And Jason would be heartbroken if he ever found out the truth, it already pains me to see him moping around the school looking like a lost puppy.

I know he loves me and I’d be fooling myself if I said that I didn’t love him back. Every day I think about what we had and would have had if I didn’t make that deal with Killian.

Jason and I were an item since the day our moms met each other when we were both seven. We started as close friends then it was only natural that we’d fall hopelessly in love with each other. We always did everything together, we were never too far from each other, so you can understand my surprise when Jason told me that he thought we should have a break from our relationship.

I remember being so upset that I couldn’t even eat or sleep for three weeks, and when I asked him why he was breaking up with me, he said that we spend some much time together that we never gave ourselves a chance to see what we are apart.

I didn’t understand it because I knew what I would be like without him, and that’s heartbroken and in pain. It took me a while and a lot of help from Jessy for me to get over not being able to kiss him when I wanted or looking forward to the weekly piggyback ride that he used to give me.

I went three months missing him every day and I could have seen that he missed me too, it was evident in the way he looked at me with longing in his eyes. But he was too stubborn to admit that we needed each other, so instead, he held out for as long as he could, and when he finally came to his senses and called me, I was ecstatic.

I had planned my outfit for that day, rehearse what I would have said, but in the end, none of it mattered because I had to put my family first.

“I did it for Jessy, you saw the way she was shaking. I couldn’t let her partnered up with him, I had to help her out.”

I deliberately avoided answering his other questions and prayed that he forgets about it, but I got no such luck.

“Ok, but why did you stay back and where were you, you missed Art class and you love Art?”

Heat rushed to my face as I thought back to why I stayed back and I tried my best to cover it up, but it was no used Jason knows me too well. I saw his eyes narrowed and he took a step closer to me. I looked away from him and stared at the ground hoping it would open up and offer me an escape route.

“Lilly, what the hell happened? Did Killian do something to you? Did he touch you?”

I was blushing so hard that even my blush was blushing. I couldn’t look him in her eyes because I knew that he’d see through any lie that I tell him, so I kept my eyes on the ground.

“Talk to me Lilly, what did he do?”

He sounded angry and when I finally did look up, it was to see him staring at me like he wanted to commit murder. I open my mouth to answer him, but nothing came, for the life of me I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him, but I also couldn’t tell him what really happened.

I closed my eyes to clear my head, but I couldn’t seem to wipe the memory of me and Killian in that classroom.

FLASHBACK

“Take your top off.”

My eyes widened and I looked at the door, I could still hear students walking about trying to get to their next class. There’s no way he expected me to strip in the classroom when someone could walk in on us.

I looked back at him.

“B-but what if we get caught? I could get suspended.”

Killian stood from his chair so fast that I jumped back in surprise. He looked down at me and started walking, backing me up in the corner against the wall. I gulped in fear and tried to look away, but the look in his eyes told me to not ever try it.

When my back touched the wall his hands went to the hem of my top, lifting it slightly.

“You’re not very good at following rules, are you Red?”

I gasped when one of his hands left my shirt and moved to my skirt. All kind of emotions started assaulting me as he dipped his hand into my panties. Hooking his thumb into the waist, he pushed it down until I felt it fall to my feet. He tapped my thigh, indicating that I should step out of it, so I did. Ever so slowly he moved his hand back to my top and lifted it until it was over my head and on the floor.

He finally moved his eyes from mine and took a step back to look at me. I watched as his eyes darkened and moved over my body slowly, taking me in. I could only imagine what I looked like standing there breathing like I’ve just run a marathon. My red hair loose and wild from the bun it was in earlier, spilling out all around me. The pink lace bra I opt to wear on a wimp that morning left nothing to the imagination. And to complete the wanton whore look was my black skirt that was hiked up a bit.

In one swift move, he was on me, his lips going at mine like a crack head craving his next fix. Hands were everywhere, grabbing and touching. At one point I was tempted to look down to make sure that he was the only one touching me because it just seemed like all over my body was being touched at the same time.

I caught myself moaning as his lips leave my mouth and started to kiss my shoulder, I even tilted my head to give him better access, which he took to his advantage. His mouth grabbed onto the sensitive spot at my neck and sucked hard. I cried out from the pain, but it ended up ending in a moan from the pleasure.

He grabbed my hips and lifted me up and I was left with no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. My body made contact with his and he pressed himself into me. The washed-out denim jeans he was wearing that separated us started to piss me off.

He moved his lips back to mine and I felt his hands working to unclip my bra. My hands were around his neck and in his hair, loving how soft it felt against my fingers. Just as the hooks for my bra came undone the door opened.

“What in god’s name is going on here!”

I was frozen. Killian slowly moved his lips away from mine and let me slide down his body, but he never moved from in front of me.

The teacher who came into the room was standing behind Killian with another teacher or student, I wasn’t sure because I could only see shoes, and for the life of me I was that curious to investigate.

I stayed right where I was and hoped that Killian didn’t move, I could only imagine the gossip that would spread like a forest fire when they find out who he was hiding.

“I asked you two a question?”

My eyes were still on Killian and his were on me. I saw something flash in his eyes, but before I could place it, it was gone. Then his hand came up to my face and he used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears that I wasn’t even aware I was shedding.

His hard emotionless mask took over again and turned around, but making sure to keep me hidden. Without thinking my hands grabbed onto his shirt from the back as I wait for whatever was about to come.

“And I have no intention of answering it.”

The hard edge in his voice sent chills down my body and I heard someone gasped. I guess that they didn’t know that it was Killian.

“M-Mr Black, I um, I didn’t realise that it was you.”

I almost rolled my eyes at the fear that I heard in the teacher’s voice but I was too busy being scared myself.

“Well, now that you know, get the f**k out!”

I jumped from the command and buried my face in his shirt. I’m such a scaredy-cat!

“What about the girl behind you?”

My body stiffened, and I held my breath as I waited for him to answer. I thought I was going to die from impatience and anxiety, but then he replied.

“Her identity does not concern you, so I suggest you f**k off like I told you to before you decided to piss me off anymore.”

I heard the door opened and I peeked my head to the side to see Mrs Carter our English and Becky Powers leaving the room. Becky turned around as she was leaving and cast a hateful betrayed look at Killian then left.

When he was sure they were gone, he moved away from me and over to the door.

“Get dress.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I hurriedly grab my shirt and panties off of the floor and put them on. When I was decent enough I looked at him and caught him watching me with a tilt to his lips. I was caught off guard by his half-smile that I gasped, leaving my mouth open like a fish out of water.

His eyebrow raised and he looked at me amused. And I’m not sure, maybe I could be imagining it, but I swear to the moon his lip twitched just a little. But I’ll never know for sure because the bell rang signalling that it was time for lunch.

“Come on Red, if you want to maintain your anonymity now would be a good time to leave before the halls are filled with the future journalists for the New York Times.”

I grabbed my bag off of the floor and made my way to the door, but he stopped me before I could leave. I looked up at him as I heard the sound of voices and footsteps.

“I’m not going to be in school tomorrow, so I expect you to behave. I also expect to see you at my house the day after around noon. Come prepared to spend the weekend.”

I just stared at him flabbergasted. He expected me to do what? How would I explain that to my mother and my six over protected brothers? I was about to ask him just that when he kissed me hard then pushed me out of the door.

I stood there for a while thinking that there was no way any of this was going to turn out good.

END FLASHBACK