Holding on to you

I’m dying.

Yep, that exactly how I felt, for the past week and a half I’ve seen burning up with some kinda fever, but I couldn’t go to the doctor because that would mean Killian finding me.

“Lil, you’re got to let me take you to the hospital, baby.”

I heard the worry in Jason’s voice but he needed to understand what exposing myself meant.

“No Jas, the minute we get to the hospital he’ll be there and that would be the end of my freedom.”

And you.

But I didn’t say that last part, I knew when Killian find out that I’ve been staying with Jason for the last six weeks he’d hurt him. He will want to punish me and the only way from him to do that is through Jason.

When I ran that day I got into Killian’s car and drove to the nearest payphone. I didn’t have any money on me so I was thankful when I found some change in a compartment of the car. I didn’t know who to call, but I decided on Jason because I knew that he’d be the only one that could hide me.

See, there’s this underground bunker that can be accessed through his basement. When we were dating we’d always hideout there to get some quiet time away from everyone. It wasn’t in the original planning of the house so I knew that even if Killian went that far he’d never find me.

“I seriously hate this guy, I still don’t understand why you didn’t come to me first before you made a deal with that jerk, I’d have told you what a bad idea it was.”

When I called Jason to pick me up, I knew I had to tell him the truth, it was the only way I could explain why I was running from the guy who declared himself my husband in front of him.

“I was trying to help my brother, and besides, we were broken up at the time.”

I saw the guilty look as it clouded his features, and I just knew that he was blaming himself. It’s been like that for six weeks, every time the topic of Killian came up, he somehow felt responsible for my actions.

I scooted closer to him on the makeshift bed and used my hand to sweep his blonde hair out of his face. The contrast between him and Killian was like an angel and a demon, the two of them were worlds apart in personality. Killian represented everything dark and wild and forbidden, whilst Jason was light and considerate and happy.

“None of this is your fault, no one forced me to make the deal with Killian, I did that on my own.”

He captured my hand and gently placed it on his chest over his heart. Using his free hand, he stroked my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. I still loved him, I knew that I’d always love him, there was no way that that’s ever going to change. He would always have my heart, and for that reason, I knew that I’d never be able to ever pick up back a relationship with him because although he had my heart, Killian had my soul.

“If I hadn’t been a jerk and broken up with you, you’d never have made that deal.”

He was right, there’s no way I’d have made that deal if Jason and I were together. I wouldn’t have jeopardised our relationship for anything. I opened my mouth to tell him just that but Jessy chose that moment to walk in.

“Hey, guys―oh!”

For a fleeting moment I could have sworn I saw hurt and jealousy in her eyes but I must have imagined it because it was gone and on her face was a smile.

“I come bearing soup.”

She walked into the room, setting the bowl along with the bag and other stuff she brought down on a little table that was it the corner. I notice that she wasn’t looking at us as she moved about the bunker, putting stuff away.

After Jason picked me up he called Jessy who was still upset with me, but when she saw the state I was in she hugged me, telling me I was forgiven. I spend that day with my two best friends crying and explaining everything to them. Some of the bruises on my body were still visible, so it wasn’t like I could have hidden the truth from them.

I looked between Jessy and Jason, and the guilt was rolling off of them both. Something was up with the two of them, but I didn’t know if I should say anything. Jessy continued fumbling and talking, trying to cover up her nervousness.

“I told mom, my friend was sick, but I didn’t say who and she made her famous chicken soup. I also brought you some more clothes and other stuff that I thought you might need, since, you know… since you said that Jason can’t buy them because your psycho husband would have his people following him.”

When she finally finished folding away every item that she could find, she turned around with a big smile plastered on her face. It looked strained and didn’t reach her eyes.

It was so weird that I found that I couldn’t hold back my question any longer, however, just as I was about to ask a text came through on both her and Jason’s phone.

Jason retrieved his phone to read it and from habit, I leaned over him to see what it said. My heart started beating faster in my chest when I read the words.

“Ohmygod!”

“This can’t be happening.”

“Do you think that it was him?”

I ignored Jason’s question and picked up the IPad that was lying on the bed. Pulling up the news report for the day, I sat back with my friends and watched in horror as Leo and Harvey’s faces filled the screen.

“Breaking news today, the bodies of Leo Alcott and Harvey Michaels was found early last night in the alley behind Club Rage. The two 18-year-old was last seen by a few club goers leaving with a blonde just around midnight two nights ago. It is said that both boys were drunk when they left the club. The police are unable to say why it took two days for the bodies to be found. However, we do know that the cause of death is mutilation. Police are asking for help in finding the blonde that was last seen with the boys, they are unable to clarify if she is a suspect or not.”

I turned it off because I couldn’t listen to another word. I knew without a doubt that the blonde was Kinsley, and the person who killed them was Killian. I started to shake, it was an uncontrollable shake, partly for my sickness, but mostly from fear.

I wasn’t afraid for myself because I knew that no matter what Killian would never hurt me like that, but I was sure that if he found out that Jason was helping he’d slit his throat right in front of me like he said.

I needed to go back, I knew that if I didn’t I’d be putting my friends at risk and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything ever happened to them.

I started getting up off of the bed, biting my lips I tried to ignore the pain in my stomach, but it was too intense. I fell back on the bed.

“Careful, Lil, stop pushing yourself.”

Jason’s voice was soft and soothing, but I tried again to move. However, Jessy helped him to hold me to the bed.

“Lilly, stop it before you really hurt yourself.”

They didn’t understand that I was trying to save them. I couldn’t believe how selfish I was, I got them involved in something they shouldn’t be involved with, in the first place. Killian was my mistake, I had to fix it not them. I needed to get far away from them in order to save their lives.

“I have to go… not safe for you… please!”

I barely recognised my own voice, it was breathless and sound far away. My eyelids got very heavy and started drooping, but still, I tried to push through. I heard them saying something, it sounded like there were screaming but I didn’t get it because my entire world went black.