CHAPTER 56
Bryce’s POV
I flutter my eyes open with a groan. I look around trying to recall how I fell asleep last night.
What happened last night?
The memories come rushing. I had called Celine in to massage me because I wanted to punish her but it turned out that the punishment worked to my benefit.
The benefit of making me relaxed from the stress of the day and sleeping off without knowing.
I slept soundly like a baby.
I sigh.
Everything still hurts me.
Camilla, Celine, Emily, and Eric. They all hurt me. I am still finding it very hard to forgive them all. I have learned not to trust anyone anymore and it is making it very difficult to forgive and forget every single person that offends me.
Camilla and Celine accepted their mistakes and apologized but I still haven’t found a place in my heart to forgive them.
What Camilla did is nowhere compared to what Celine did. What Celine did is the worst and unforgivable. I feel Camilla didn’t tell me because she cared about me, she didn’t want me to hurt myself or hurt Emily which might ruin me completely. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but I still haven’t forgiven her. It will take time to do that.
Eric and Emily on the other hand aren’t even remorseful and forgiving them is impossible.
After laying still for a while, I stand up abruptly to get prepared for work when I see a sheet of paper on my bed. It has the same handwriting as yesterday night on it and I pick it up with curiosity.
I read it out aloud:
Can you change the past?
No, you can’t.
You can not change the past.
All you could do is accept the grief, the shame, and the regrets that come with your past.
This is a rock that we have to keep pushing. It is a rock that we are bound to have.
I have learned to accept and love that rock and it has made it easier for me to pull through with life’s challenges.
Instead of letting this rock weigh me down, I am letting it push me further up to greater heights.
This is what you should do. If you don’t want to let go of the past, then ask yourself this question;
Can you change the past?
I blink in disbelief as I feel something piercing my heart in pain. Tears spring to my eyes as I re-read the words again and again till tears begin to roll down my eyes.
Yes, I can not change my past but I wish I can.
I don’t want to accept my grief. I can’t accept my shame and I don’t want to regret it.
How can I learn to accept them when it is so hard to believe? How can I accept the grief when it still hurts like hell?
I squeeze the paper in my hand as my fist tightens around it.
I am furious. Not at Celine but myself.
This is like an eye-opener. I just realized that I have been holding on to lost hope for too long.
Curiosity fills me up suddenly and I begin to question what Celine must have gone through for her to be able to relate my pain with hers?
Has she even gone through half of what I have been through?
Losing two children and a confidant is enough grief to last for a lifetime. How can I possibly forget it all? I feel like I am betraying them the more I try to forget.
How can I forget the smiles on Susie’s face that night before her mother left with her, not to be seen ever again? How can I forget my sweet Helena and what she represents in my life?
Is this even possible?
Realizing that I am crying in silence, I wipe the tears sharply and blink again as I begin to absorb every word in her paper, letting it sink deeper and hoping it will help heal my broken heart.
I am too broken to be healed. But I need to be healed for my peace of mind.
After a while of sitting still without attempting to stand up, take a bath and go to work, I felt something enveloping me and giving me a new feeling I can’t place.
Ignoring it, I stand up abruptly, sniff, drop the paper on the nightstand, and look at it for a moment before sauntering to the bathroom.
I will pretend like this never happened. I will surely remember the words but I won’t act like I saw the paper or it has any effect on me.
I know Celine is behind this again and it amazes me how much longer she can go just to see me healed. Despite how I have been treating her, she is trying to heal me with her words.
But funny enough, I don’t even know if I want to be healed by her or not. Probably because I am irritated by everything that concerns her, except of course my child. I am irritated by her presence because she reminds me of Helena and the memories of Helena make me feel guilty.
I always feel like a lying, cheating jerk and it stings to even think of what Helena would have said if she were alive for me to confess my mistakes to her.
Abruptly, I turn and walk to the bathroom, not wanting to give all of these any more thoughts.
I have work to do and I need to visit the hospital for my hand. It still hurts like hell.
I will go to the hospital after work is over.
I get to the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth. After I am done, I look at myself in the mirror, remembering the words, finding it very hard to believe that I shed tears.
I blow out a heavy sigh, look down and resign to fate before going to the tub.
I don’t know what to do with Celine. I don’t know if she is doing this from the bottom of her heart just to see me healed or if she is doing this to have me forgive her and let her go away with Jason.
But that is impossible. I can never let go of my only son. He is my heir and I won’t let him out of my sight.
I have been making plans to punish Celine but what she just did is making me have a rethink
Should I go ahead with my plan or not? Does she deserve not to be punished? Just because of a shitty piece of paper that made me cry?
Hell, no!
I will go ahead to punish her. Besides, it gives me intense pleasure to see her getting punished for betraying me.
I can’t possibly let go just like that. This might be her plan and I won’t let that happen. I won’t let her get to me through her words.
I conclude as I wash myself down to my manhood and a sudden idea comes back to my head.
I grin to myself.
I will continue to punish her but it is no longer going to be a torturous punishment, it will be sweet revenge.