CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
I looked at the twin who’s now peacefully sleeping in their crib. It’s been three months since that incident happened and fuck, I miss her. I fucking miss her. There is no day and night that I did not miss her. And every time I remember her smile I feel like I am slowly dying of pain.
I can’t blame the twins for what happened. It is Yara’s and I’s decision to have children so the twins are not at fault. But why it is like this? The more I see them the more I get hurt. Even though I don’t want to, it’s like I want to blame them.
I shouldn’t blame them but it seems like that’s what’s happening to me right now. It’s like I’m blaming them for what happened which is not their fault and they didn’t want that to happen to their mother. I should feel sorry for them because their mother is not there to take care of them.
But I miss her and every time I saw the twin my heart ached even more. It was as if I was being stabbed over and over again. All our plans for their first month, second month, and now for the third month have not been fulfilled. They hadn’t even been baptized because I didn’t know what to do.
I cried, again. Every day, every night. This seems to have become my routine. I cried and hoped that one day she would return. Hopefully one day in front of me she will be standing. I hope one day she will be with me again. I can see her smile again and hear her laugh.
I heard a knock outside. I wiped away my tears and stood up to open the door. I returned myself to being Zeus who was always cold.
“Yes?”
“Your friends are in the living room, sir.” For sure they are here to celebrate the twins’ third month.
“Zeus.” I look at the four ladies behind the maid. Dane, Maggie, Margot, Hailey. “Can we go inside?”
“Sure.” I widened the door and they entered. “Where are they?” I asked referring to the three.
“In the living room, they arranged the setup for the celebration,” Dane answered.
“They are big now. As they grow older they become more like Yara.” Maggie said so I averted my gaze. “Everything is gonna be ok, Zeus.”
“Zeus, if there’s anything we can do, just tell us,” Margot said.
“Yes, Zeus, our children are big anyway so we can help you. You can call us if you want to know anything,” Hailey said.
“If you need breastmilk tell me, I am willing to share with the twins my milk. Clown prefers formula milk.” Clown would have been the age of my first twin.
“Thanks,”
“Zeus.” Dane came over to me and suddenly hugged me. “Cheer up. Yara doesn’t want to see you sad.” I forced a smile and sighed.
“Is it ok if I will leave you for a moment with the kids? I’ll just change my clothes,” I said.
“Yeah sure,” Dane answered. I passed the three in the living room and Avel was already there. Dylan, just now he arrived.
“Loverboy, where are my unbaptized grandchildren?” he asked carrying an envelope.
“Room with the ladies,” I replied.
“Oh, poor Thunder and he’s the only man there. Maybe later he will be a woman.” But before he went straight he stopped in front of me. “Oh, two different houses for Lightning and Thunder. K bye.” Then proceeded to the twin room.
“I just changed my clothes,” I said to them and entered the room. But instead of getting dressed, I looked at the bed. I couldn’t hold back the tears and cried again. Why these tears don’t run out?
I walked to the side of the bed and sat on the floor. I held onto the bedsheet and continued to cry.
“I miss you.” I cried. Fuck, I miss her so much. I really miss the woman who always smiles, always laughs, and always caresses me. “I fucking miss you.” The door opened and Dylan entered.
“Tsk tsk tsk.” I quickly wiped away my tears. “Yara hates people who cry because of her. She will be upset when she sees you crying.”
“You didn’t even knock?”
“To surprise you.” I got up and took a shirt and undressed. “Did you miss her, don’t you?” he asked while looking at Yara’s photo. “It’s okay, Zeus. Cry if you want. It’s good that you have friends who cry and understand you.”
I frowned at what he said but I just let him.
“Been there and done that. We’re just different. I don’t have any sympathy.” Then he stood up and approached me. “Don’t cry alone. There are rotten eggs outside that you are willing to understand. Including my sister.” He tapped my shoulder and smiled at me. That smile without judgment, a smile that sincere.
“Everything is gonna be ok, Zeus, trust me.” I feel the sincerity in his voice and the way he pressed my shoulder —– it’s like giving me hope. Saying that there’s another tomorrow of hope that is waiting for me. I looked at the bed again and cried because I remembered Yara on that bed. But as Dylan said, everything is gonna be ok and I believe him.
I went out of the room and caught them having a drink. But Dylan was no longer there and they said they had left because there was still a fight. Dane carries Thunder, while Hailey carries Lightning. As Yara wanted our kid’s name I followed it. Eventually, food and wine arrived. Delivery from Dylan.
“Ow, daddy is here. Let’s open the cake,” Margot said.
Jace opened a cake already and so did Blaze on the other. They sang happy birthday and then put a cake on the forehead of the twins. Everyone had fun and smiled. They also let me carry the twins and took a picture of us.
“Sir, it’s time for the twins’ vitamins.” I looked at the two babysitters and handed them the twins.
“Zeus?” I look at Blaze. I also looked at them one by one looking at me.
Fuck! I hate this. I hate this fucking feeling that I am longing for the woman that I need. I hate this fucking feeling of being weak in front of them.
“I fucking miss her, fuck, I missed her so damn much.” For the first time. I show them my weakness. Not only to my friends but also to their wives. I have never been weak like this in front of them.
Of all of us, I have not cried even before. I didn’t even show them my weakness. But now I can’t control myself. I could no longer hide from them that I am weak and hurt by what had happened to the woman I cared about and that I could do nothing to help her.
Everyone tapped me while I just kept on crying. “I miss her.” My tears fell one after another in front of them.
“Sir.” I wiped away the tears and looked at the nurse who was with Keisha just in the other room. I was especially nervous to see her face and so were those with me.
“What happened?” I asked then stood up.
“Ma’am Yara is awake.” I no longer hesitated. I got up immediately and ran into the room. When I opened the room I saw Keisha checking up on Yara.
“Yara?” I approached her with narrowed eyes looking at me. I can’t explain my happiness because she is finally awake. “Yara, you’re awake.”
“Who are you?” she asked which make my knee tremble.