His Kindhearted Wife ( ENGLISH VERSION )

I just sat outside Margot’s room. She woke up last night and when she saw me she went crazy and she wanted me to go out. They were afraid of what might happen to her so they let me go out. I was also forbidden to go inside so as not to be with her.

Ever since she moved here and she woke up I’ve just been here outside the door. I still did not go home because I know I will be hurt even more when I get home. I want to talk to Margot first before going home or we can both go at the same time. I am confused and struggling and I didn’t know what to do.

Yesterday the doctor called Maggie inside the emergency room after I made my decision. She stays there for a few minutes and when she came out she was carrying Umami.

I want to get mad when I see my son. He just seemed to be sleeping while Maggie was carrying him. I wanted to carry him but Maggie won’t allow me. I also feel I have no right to carry him because I am to blame for what happened to him. They had an accident because of me, then I chose his mother and let him go. If I can trade my life over him I will do it.

I just kissed him and I cried and cried when Maggie left with him to take her to her final destination. Because Marggie suggested that Umami not stay longer, especially since Margot wasn’t there either. It would be better for the angel to be released immediately.

I called mommy and told her what had happened. She cried and cried but nothing, I know it was my fault. Mommy didn’t even tell me but they spoke she blamed me. She also never called me and Maggie whom she was directed to ask.

The door opened and Maggie came out.

“Mag, does Margot already know?”

“Yeah, she woke up yesterday and she was so mad.”

“Mag, I’m sorry for what happened. I know it’s my fault but I want to talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you. She doesn’t want to see you. So leave her alone first.”

“But, Mag, we both lost a child here.”

“She’s already mourning so mourn in your own way. Even if you support each other, Umami will never come back. You will only hurt my sister more when you show up to her. So I beg you not to face her first.”

I cried at the truth Maggie said but I shouldn’t give up. I need to be able to talk to Margot. I had to apologize to her. We are still married and both lost a child. We must empathize with each other. Yes, my face is thick because it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me but we still need to talk.

“I want to talk to her, Mag,” I insisted.

“She’s not allowed to be stressed, Jace, she’s not allowed to get angry because she might get pressure and blood pressure may up and she might even die. If you show up she will be mad. Better you just choose Umami if you kill her.”

“Mag, I am sorry.”

“Will your sorry change the fact that she had an accident?

“No, but I still want to apologize to you. Because you’re Aunt Umami and I know that even when he’s still in the womb, you love him.” I heard her deep sigh.

“I want to blame you. But even if I knock you down now, what happened can’t be changed. My nephew is gone. I’m also to blame because I annoyed you even though I knew Margot was there and what we talk about could affect her.”

“I just want to you, I don’t care what I said yesterday. I can’t afford to exchange my wife, Mag, especially my son but ——But he’s gone.”

“Just move on, Jace. Simple as that.” Hopefully, that’s just how quickly she said it. A cry, mourning done. “Brianna is at Paloma Resort. Wish you all the best.” Then she turned away.

Brianna? Is it still important? Yes, this is what I wanted then. To lose my obligation to Margot so that Brianna and I can be free. But I’m not happy. And at these times I have no intention of going to her. I prefer to talk to my wife more than anyone.

“Jace?” Dane came out of Margot’s room. “I’ll drop you home.”

“I want to see her first, and to talk to her.”

“She’s not ready. Please, give her time.”

“But, Dane, I want to talk to her.”

“You don’t want to hurt her, do you?” Maggie returned and entered immediately. I had no choice because I knew that Maggie wouldn’t let me in either so I went home with Dane.

While on the road I was just outside looking. My mind is blank so if I can just shut it down so that I can think of nothing forever. As if I want to bump my head to stop it from thinking pain.

“I’ll give you vacation leave.”

“Do I need that, Dane?”

“Yes.”

“Dane, my son is gone.” My tears flowed again and again because of what I thought. How long can I be like this? How long can I be hurt by the loss of my first child and I am still to blame.

“Everything is gonna be alright.” I did not say a word until we got to my house. “I’ll bring you inside.”

“No need, I’m ok, Dane.”

“I insist.”

“I’m ok, Dane, even if I’m hurt I won’t do anything bad. I still need to talk to Margot and we still need to get along so I am ok.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine, if you need something just call me.” Dane hugged me and caressed my back. “We will always be here for you, fucker.”

“Thanks, Dane.”

I waited for Dane to leave before I went inside. As soon as I opened the door, the silence around me opened up to me. Far, far from Margot’s always homecoming smile then she would take my hand and put it on my stomach and say ‘daddy’s home, Umami.’

I looked around. I could feel nothing but sadness and pain. It was as if the house was mourning what had happened. Until I looked up at the nursery where Margot and I had arranged before I left. I walked there then opened the door and one after another my tears fell.

“Umami.” I approached the crib we had just bought the other day. The items inside were laid out as well as the bag and a few that needed to be taken to the hospital prepared by Margot. Umami should be there sleeping peacefully this week if I’m not stupid.

“Sorry son.” All I do is cry. I did nothing but cry. I cried even louder because I saw Umami’s 3D ultrasound on the framed side.

“Son. I’m sorry and you had a stupid daddy. But I love you so much, son.” I picked up the frame and hugged. I just cried and cried. This is all I can do now. To cry because of my stupidity. “Son, I hope you can forgive daddy. Forgive me. I’m sorry if daddy is stupid, I’m sorry if daddy is confused and worthless. But I love you so much Umami.”

No one else is to blame for what happened but me. It wouldn’t all have happened if I hadn’t been stupid. If only I had corrected it in the beginning. I wish I had been true to Margot and we became friends so that Umami could be my partner or I wish I had just left Brianna totally, it’s not hard to love and live with Margot. No, because I already love Margot but I was just blinded by my guilt to Brianna.

But it’s too late. Even if I regret it, I will not be able to undo what happened because my child is gone. He disappeared because of me. I left yesterday without him even hearing my voice. Then I made her Mommy feel bad before he’s gone. Because of her mommy’s resentment and anger towards me so I lost him. I really wish I was the one who died.

Am I alone in this house? Isn’t my wife coming home here? I hope tomorrow when I wake up everything is just a dream. A nightmare. Promise if it’s just a dream I’ll fix everything. I will fix my relationship with Margot and I will stay with her.

But if not —— I don’t know what will happen to me in the next few days. I don’t know if I can still be alone especially and I got used to being with Margot and waiting that this month we should be more with Umami’s arrival. And now it’s gone, I’m alone. Everything changed in an instant.

I fell asleep on the floor in tears while holding Umami’s photo and Margot’s wedding photo. Forgive me. I hope you will forgive me.