Find Me Alastar

I stare at him as my brain misfires.

His eyes hold mine as he steps towards me.

“I said I miss you, Em.” He hesitates. “Did you hear me?”

I have imagined this exact moment every night for eight weeks. I’ve dreamt that he came to me and

professed missing me. We would kiss and I would say it’s okay and everything would be as it should be.

But now he is here doing it… I feel nothing but rage.

“How big of you,” I sneer.

His face falls.

I shake my head in disgust. “Go home, Alastar.”

“I don’t want to. I want to see you.” He whispers.

“Yeah, well, you’ve seen me.” I hold out my hands sarcastically. “Go home, because I don’t want to

see you.”

“Emmaline.” He goes to grab my hand and I snatch it away from his grip.

“Don’t you dare Emmaline me!” His face falls. “I think… I made a mistake.” My furious eyes hold

his. He thinks he made a mistake. Who the heck does this guy think he is?

“You made a mistake, alright.”

“Please don’t be angry at me,” he whispers. “This is a complicated relationship.”

That’s it. I turn on him like I’m the devil himself. “How fucking dare you?”

He steps back in surprise.

“The last time I saw you, I was crying like a baby at your house, begging for you to talk to me about

this and-”

He cuts me off. “It was a terrible day. Don’t bring that up.”

My eyes bulge from their sockets. “Don’t bring it up!” I scream. “Don’t bring it up?” I turn to walk

away. No. I need to say this. I turn around and poke him hard in the chest. “You. Left. Me. Heartbroken in

your house without a care in the world about my feelings. I will never forgive you for that as long as I

live. I have never been so humiliated, and I can’t believe I lowered myself to beg you to love me. This is

not a complicated relationship, Alastar.” I shake my head as my adrenaline starts to pump. “It is plain and

simple what happened to us.”

“And what’s that?” he snaps as his anger starts to boil.

“One of us fell in love. One of us didn’t.”

“Don’t give me that shit. You know damn well that I have feelings for you,” he yells.

I shake my head in disgust. “Well, if that’s how you treat someone you have…” I hold my fingers up to

accentuate my next words, “feelings for, I hope that nobody ever has feelings for me again.”

“Calm down on the bitchy for two minutes and talk to me,” he fires back.

My anger hits its peak.

“Fuck you! I have every right to be a bitch and I do not have to listen to a selfish prick like you talk

shit.”

“Yes, you do! And we are having dinner tonight to discuss this.” He yells infuriated that he isn’t

getting his way.

“No, we are not. We have nothing to discuss.” I turn and storm to my apartment.

“Calm down. I am coming back later!” he calls after me. “I will pick you up for dinner at six.”

“Go fuck yourself. I wont be here.” I scream as I enter my building and slam the door behind me. I

take the stairs two at a time, and with every stair I climb, I feel a little of my mojo return.

God, that was cathartic. I feel ten feet tall. He bloody deserved that. Who does he think he is?

Screw him.

I walk into my apartment with renewed vigor and barge straight into Hank’s room to see that he is still

asleep. I lie next to him on top of the blankets.

“What are you doing?” He groans with his back to me, still half asleep. “Go. Away.”

“I just told Alastar to go fuck himself.” I smile in the semi-dark room. For some reason I feel like a

major weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Maybe I just needed closure?

With his eyes still closed and his hair all over his face, Hank holds up his hand. I smile broadly and

high five it.

I lie on my back, fold my arms in front of me and smile proudly up at the ceiling. “We are going out

tonight.” I smile triumphantly.

“Hmm.” He groans.

“We are leaving at five.” I smirk as I look over at him and flick his ear to annoy him.

“Hmm.” He swats my hand away.

“We are getting you some action tonight. Brielle and Vanessa are coming.” I rub his shoulder.

“Hmm.” He continues trying to sleep.

“Hell. I might get laid, too.” I smile, and for the first time in a long time, I feel in control.

“Hmm.”

I elbow him in the back. “Do you want pancakes?” I ask.

“Does that mean you will get out?” He sighs.

I smile broadly. “Yes, but you will have to get up to eat them, and then you are coming shopping with

me for the day. I need a kick ass outfit for tonight.”

“Ugh.” He groans and punches his pillow. “It’s Saturday, Emerson.”

I stand and put my hands onto my hips. “Yes, it is, and I’m back, baby. I’m back.”

“You’re painful when you’re back.”