Ex-Husband's Regret

It’s been a week since Noah left and I can’t find a pattern to live life without him. This is the longest we’ve been separated and I’m not ashamed to say that I am not handling it well.

Nosh is my anchor and without home feel slightly Best Like I’m just drifting through life like a stop wreck at sea .Every day I eagerly wait for his calls because that’s what keeps me calm. Those calls and his sweet voice keep me grounded.

I haven’t heard from Rowan since that day at the airport A part of my heart still longs for him but

I know that this is for the best. There was no future between us and I couldn’t go on living with a man that didn’t love me

So far everything has been quiet. Not that anyone has tried to keep me informed or anything.

Since there hasn’t been any more shoot outs or people dying, then it’s safe to assume that those criminals have gone underground

All of a sudden I bump into someone Jolting me out of my thoughts.

“I’m so sorry, I did not see you” I apologize and bend down to pick up my books

I’m heading home from work Today has been a rather tiring day I just wanted to go home and sleep

“It’s okay. I was also not paying attention to where I was going”

The familiar voice makes me snap my head in his direction. I wasn’t wrong Ethan was the one had bumped into

He helps me pick my books up and we get up together He gives me a charming smile and I find myself smiling back at him

“What are you doing here?” I ask him

He was in his officer uniform and damn did he look good. I might have sworn myself off men but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look, and there was a lot to look at

“We got a report that someone was selling drugs to kids” he pauses before continuing “And I’m guessing you’re a teacher here?” he asks with his eyebrow raised

“Yeah” I reply feeling conscious all of a sudden.

It’s not a career that you would expect the wife of a billionaire to have but I loved teaching My parents had been against the idea, preferring I got a high class job like Emma who was a fantastic lawyer or Travis who was an entrepreneur. I guess that had been another mark against me in their books.

“So what do you teach?” Ethan asks, and he genuinely looked interested in knowing.

I can’t say there was any time during our marriage that Rowan had been interested in what I did. In fact I’m sure he doesn’t know what subject I teach.

“Biology”

“So beauty and brains…I like that” he winks, making me blush.

“Uh, thanks” I replied tucking a wayward piece of hair behind my ear.

Ethan made me feel flustered for some reason. Mainly because I wasn’t used to getting attention from good looking men. Men don’t look at me twice. Unlike Emma who is a beautiful drop gorgeous blonde, I was a mouse compared to her.

I had nothing going on for me. Brown hair, brown eyes and a petite body. I wasn’t attractive and I got used to that since it was hammered into me over and over again when I was growing up.

Boys never payed attention to me when we were growing up and if they did it was so they could get close to Emma. It used to piss me off but after a while I accepted the fact that I just wasn’t attractive to the opposite S**. 

“So, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call, we’ve just been busy I haven’t gotten any free time” he says after a while.

Smiling at him, I reply. “It’s okay, I totally understand…I know being a police officer is demanding”

And I did understand. I understood that that was just an excuse. He wasn’t planning on texting or calling when he left my house that day.

We stand there after that. I was shifting from one foot to another feeling hella awkward. He stares at me, his blue eyes searching my soul. I shift my gaze to avoid his penetrating one.

“Ethan” Someone calls and I turn to see another officer motioning to him.

“Coming” Ethan shouts before turning to me. “I’m happy to see you beautiful, I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah” I mumble.

With that he, gives me an unexpected hug before walking away. I’m left there wondering what the hell just happened.

I shake myself from the stupor after a while and begin walking. I needed to buy some grocery and

since the store wasn’t that far from school, I decide to walk.

The sling was removed and even though my shoulder was sore and sometime ached, it was still functional. I thought about everything I needed to Buy but at the forefront was my interaction

The way he treated me was so different from how Rowan treated me that I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I’ve never had anyone tell me I’m beautiful. Nor have I ever had a man even wink at me.

The few interactions I’ve heard with Ethan made me feel like I was actually attractive but I also knew I couldn’t count on that. I mean if my own husband didn’t find me attractive then how could other men think that I am?

‘Stop being silly‘ I laugh at myself,

Ethan was probably just trying to be polite or something like that. There was just no way such a hot guy would even look at me twice when there were millions of truly beautiful women he could choose from s

With that I shake myself from those thoughts. No use in dwelling on them when I knew very well how I looked.

I finally get to the store. Since it was just me, I didn’t need that much. I finish shopping for my things then quickly pay up. With my goods I leave the store planning to immediately go home.

Today, I had not driven to work. My shoulder ached and I had not felt comfortable driving like that.

I was just about to hail down a taxi when I saw them. Rowan and Emma.

They were holding hands, while walking. I wasn’t sure where they were headed but I didn’t even care. Emma said something and Rowan threw back his head and laughed. A deep and rich laugh that screamed happiness.

The pain that I tried burying surfaces again. It hurts seeing him like this. Knowing that he was never like this with me. If only he had given me a chance. I would have made him happy. Instead he held Emma in his heart and refused to let go.

It honestly fucking hurts. I thought that I was past this but I wasn’t. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again and I didn’t know how to stop the hurt that threatened to drown me

As if sensing my gaze on him, he turns and looks in my direction. His laugh dies and the smile he once had disappears and a frown takes its place. I guess that I bring nothing but sorrow to him. No wonder he never smiled around me.

He faces my direction, looking as if he was about to cross the street to come towards me. I push those thoughts away. That was just wishful thinking on my part.

Quickly averting my gaze, I get inside the nearest cab and we drive off. I don’t look outside the window. Refusing to watch them anymore. 

It was clear he already moved on. So quickly at that. But then he never loved me so I guess it’s easy for him. It was time I moved on too. I don’t care how long it’ll take but I will eventually move on and find my happiness. Rowan was my past, it was time to accept that.