Diary of Fragile Heart (Spin of Loving You Too Long)

That morning, Abigail arrived carrying a paper bag filled with clothes and breakfast. Until now, since awakening from her coma, Flavia hadn’t seen a mirror. So when she saw Abigail bringing facial care products, it made Flavia both surprised and curious about her own face.

“What does she look like? What does her face look like? Is she beautiful?”

Honestly, she felt embarrassed waking up in Gladwin’s embrace. Even though he was her husband, he was still a stranger to Flavia.

“I’m sure you must be eager to take a shower. But you can do that later when you’re home. For now, just enjoy a clean wipe-down.” Abigail said with her sweet smile.

Gladwin wasn’t in the room; her husband had mentioned that he had a morning work schedule and wouldn’t be done until the evening. According to Gladwin, if Doctor Eijaz allowed it, Flavia would also be allowed to go home today. And Doctor Eijaz, the sweet-faced man who had examined Flavia.

Seeing two familiar men in blue suits and doctor’s coats made them even more charismatic. Oh God, Flavia herself didn’t know what goodness she had done to be surrounded by such kind-hearted and handsome people.

“What time can I go home?” Flavia asked softly after the examination was over. She just wanted reassurance that what Gladwin had said was true.

“Later this afternoon. Maybe after Gladwin’s schedule is finished. He seems impatient to take you home right away. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable every time I see him glaring at me whenever I come to check on you.” She complained in a mocking tone that made Gladwin snort. Flavia glanced at Gladwin, and he just responded to Eijaz’s remark by shrugging and looking indifferent.

“My shift ends at four. After that, we’ll go home.” He said before kissing the top of Flavia’s head and leaving the room.

“Hmm… so sweet,” Abigail said with sparkling eyes. Flavia felt her cheeks suddenly warming at such temptation.

Abigail took out clothes from the paper bag she had brought. A plain pale yellow dress appeared to move softly in her hands.

“Is this mine?” Flavia asked in surprise. Abigail nodded. “It’s so beautiful,” she said, inexplicably fond of the dress.

“It’s indeed your favorite dress,” Abigail replied, as if answering Flavia’s astonishment. “I also brought a hat.” Abigail said, pulling out a wide-brimmed hat from another paper bag. “I’m afraid this might hurt the part of your head that just had surgery,” Abigail replied honestly. Flavia touched the side of her head, feeling a slight bump although faint. There was no bandage because the wound had dried during the surgery. “But it’s up to you whether you want to wear it or not,” she added, shrugging, which was met with a smile from Flavia. “Today, we, you, me, and Uncle will go back to Uncle’s apartment. Your parents have sent some of your belongings there. They agreed for you to stay there because the apartment is the only place grandma can’t access.” Generally. Abigail then reached for a light blue comb from the same paper bag and approached Flavia. “Let me comb your hair. I always enjoy doing it,” she said.

Flavia touched her head. It felt greasy, oily, and her hand didn’t like it. She wanted to shampoo, but Abigail hadn’t allowed her yet.

Flavia was sure her face would also look worse. She touched it, and Abigail smiled. She reached for something in her bag and handed it to Flavia. A small folding mirror with a plastic frame decorated with flower motifs.

Flavia held the mirror with her left hand. Her eyes widened as she saw her own reflection. A fair-skinned woman looked back at her. Her eyebrows were thick and arched, her eyelashes long and curly, and she had golden-brown eyes. Her nose was small, straight, and slightly pointed. And her lips appeared full at the bottom.

Her face felt… foreign. Then Flavia remembered her father’s face and knew that she had Italian blood in her veins.

Her entire face looked beautiful in her eyes. Was it okay for her to be proud? Flavia then looked at the left side of her face, there was a pinkish-red line from the top of her left forehead, extending to the top of her ear and disappearing beneath her black hair.

“What is this?” She asked softly.

Abigail, who was braiding Flavia’s hair, shifted her attention momentarily.

“Almost six years ago, you were in a car accident. You referred to that scar as an ‘eye injury’,” Abigail answered honestly. “Later, when you shower, you’ll see some other ‘eye injuries’,” she added.

“It seems like the accident was really severe,” Flavia murmured.

“If breaking your left leg and fracturing several ribs along with the impact that put you in a coma qualify as ‘severe’, then your treatment for a year could be considered ‘double severe’,” Abigail finished tying the braid as Flavia shivered in horror. “Do you want to go for a walk?” She asked again.

Flavia looked at the IV still hanging from her hand. The last quarter of the IV bag remained. She was actually tired of being in the room, and Abigail’s invitation sounded tempting, so Flavia finally nodded in response.

Abigail pinned her hair up and helped Flavia down from the bed after bringing a wheelchair.

“Do I have to use that?” She asked with a grimace of dislike. The thought of using a wheelchair somehow made Flavia shudder. She felt embarrassed and, somehow, there was something within her that resisted it. But Abigail nodded firmly, an expression not to be argued with.

“Eijaz did say you could go home. But he doesn’t recommend excessive physical activity. Once we’re at the apartment, you can move around as much as you want,” she offered.

Flavia nodded. Hearing the word ‘apartment’ somehow made Flavia’s cheeks warm again.

“I think I prefer the Flavia who lost her memory,” commented Abigail when Flavia was already seated in the wheelchair.

“Why?” Flavia asked, puzzled.

“You were more like your old self,” said Abigail. “Radiant, and genuine.” They had entered a hallway where the nurses were on duty. They greeted Abigail and Flavia warmly, receiving polite nods from Abigail in return.

“What was I like before losing my memory?” Flavia asked again when they were back in the quiet area.

“Do you want an honest answer or a lie?” Abigail countered.

Flavia fell silent. She was afraid Abigail would say something painful. But if she wanted her memories to return, Flavia felt she had to accept Abigail’s honesty even if it hurt.

“I think honesty is better,” she replied softly. Abigail smiled upon hearing this.

“Truthfully, for the past five years, you’ve been somewhat annoying. But these last three months, you’ve been incredibly frustrating,” she replied bluntly. Flavia turned her head and looked up.

“That bad?”

“Yes, that bad. You’ve become very, very stubborn. It’s been so difficult for me to influence you even though I’ve been doing everything for your own good. But you always give up and feel hopeless.”

They arrived at the hospital garden, filled with several patients wearing hospital uniforms like Flavia. Some of them sat in wheelchairs, while others walked holding onto IV poles.

Abigail stopped the wheelchair next to a long bench under a small canopy made to provide shade. She sat at the far end of the bench, crossing her legs and leaning back.

“We’ve known each other for almost half our lives. I feel like we know the smallest things about each other. You know me very well, and I know you. There are hardly any secrets between us.

“I know you’ve liked Uncle Gladwin since the first time you met him. You used to say he was handsome and funny. We shared secrets about that. You liked Uncle, I liked Gilbert, and Haisley liked Nathaniel.

“We both thought those feelings were just teenage crushes. Fleeting loves that would disappear when we found someone else we felt was more suitable for us.

“But we also knew that the feelings we had were not just teenage infatuations that would cry and wail when rejected and then look for a new, more handsome and perfect guy the next day.

“No, our love for those men was clearly that of grown women. Rooted and ingrained, making it difficult to let go and replace them just like that.

“You and I, we’re clearly not the type to give up even after falling several times.

“But then, the events of five years ago changed everything about you. That damn accident turned you into a different Flavia. You refused to rise. You refused to pursue your love. You shut yourself off from everyone. Including me.”

Flavia watched as the girl quickly wiped away her tears.

“The doctor’s diagnosis made you desperate and retreat. Not slowly, but running away. You distanced yourself and kept your distance from those closest to you.

“Even though you knew that doctors are only human. God has more power. And you understand that better than I do.”

“What did they say about me?” Flavia asked.