Crash Into Me

She was never alone after that day. She was always with Andrea or with John. Lucas had disappeared behind the scene. She changed her phone numbers. A few weeks after that was uneventful.

Their relationship was blossoming into something they both were unprepared for. The conversations got deeper, they found themselves in each other like a long lost lover in the universe that was finally being reunited. A connection they’ve never made with anyone before in their lives.

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They took rendezvous every time there was a break off shooting. They spent it lying naked on the bed all day, sometimes two days. The sexual connection was beyond anything they’ve ever experienced with anyone else. They were drunk in love.

Until pictures of them started to surface on the internet. The paparazzi smelled the scent of money all the way from across the sea. They travelled all the way to Bhorma just to get bad snapshots of them canoodling with each other, strolled on a motorbike, having lunch together, hanging out on the beach. Everywhere they go, there was somebody taking pictures and asking questions to their faces. It didn’t take long for that situation to take it’s toll on Sandy.

She withdrew herself from going out in public with John. She was so uncomfortable to the point where she’d prefer to hide in her cottage and read about it on the internet.

She was brooding, drowned in overthinking. She suddenly snapped back into reality that she was dating an international super celebrity, she was way in over her head for thinking that it could last forever. The more she thought about it, the worst it gets. Up to the point where it was hurting her head, her stomach twisted and she was crying.

John came back to the cottage to find her in a state of war. She was quiet, her eyes plumped like she’d been crying all day. She didn’t greet him when he came through the door. He felt the hostility from the moment he stepped inside, he knew she was sulking over the paparazzi’s pictures and the articles she was reading on the internet for days. He came unarmed for what she was about to unleash.

“Have you been looking at your phone again all day?” John leaned on the wall.

Sandy was curling up on the sofa with a long face. She lifted her shoulders and threw her phone on the couch with a long exhale. She covered her face with a cushion. John knew it was going to be a long night.

He came over and sat by her side, tip-toed on what to say next, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head.

“I want to talk about it … let’s talk about it,” he prepared himself. He had been in this kind of situation hundreds of times before, but never with Sandy. He sat there waiting, it was going to come out sooner or later.

She took the cushion off her face, tears were streaming down her face. “At what point do we stop and realize that this is never going to work out?” she shot it out.

“What are you talking about? It’s working out just fine … up until you think that it’s not,” he said.

“No … no, John, it’s working out just fine because we’re not thinking this through … I mean … after your shooting wraps up, what then?” she stared at him with tears still running down her face.

“I’d still want to be with you,” he was calm.

“How? How will that work? You go home to your life, and I’d still be here with mine,” her voice started to crack.

“You can come with me …” he had thought about it, despite Sandy thinking otherwise.

She fell silent.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you … I can’t imagine going back to my house, it would be more like a home with you in it,” he took her hand and kissed it.

She took back her hand, her feet were cold, her heart raced. It made John nervous.

“I can’t do that,” she broke down and cried again. It was going downward after that. She promised herself to never change her life drastically for a man, she loved her life in Bhorma. On top of that, she had a small child who needed stability, it wasn’t fair for Kevin to have to adjust with her love life.

She told him she could never be well adjusted in his life. To have people constantly prying on her privacy, post it on the internet with comments that were so hard to hear. She couldn’t handle the fact that a life with John means having to deal with the scrutiny of public opinion about them.

She was escalating to a point where she was in a brink of panicking, John listened to every word she was saying. “It’s not going to work, John … we might as well just be done with it now before it gets too far,” she finally said it.

“What? No … no … no … calm down, baby, calm down,” he quickly grabbed her, held her in his arms.

She felt warm and fuzzy inside his embrace that it made her sob uncontrollably. “I can’t do this, John … I’m in way over my head with you, it’s so foolish to think this can go beyond this,” she said between her breaths.

“This is working so much better than anything I’ve ever done in my life … what we have is the definition of working, you and me, we’re so good together, don’t you feel it?”

“It’s working now, but it won’t last, so what’s the point?” she was pessimistic.

“The point is to work it out so it will last, don’t you think? It’s not gonna be easy, but we have to try … I get your reasons for not wanting to come back with me, maybe I should consider staying here with you?”

Sandy’s eyes widened, “You’re crazy, John.” She shook her head.

“Yes, I’m crazy … I’m crazy for you … I want this to work, Sandy, don’t you?”

“You can’t move here! That’s outrageous!” she sounded angry.

John was confused, “If that’s what it takes, I would consider it.” As wonderful as it sound, it terrified her.

“No! No!!” she shouted.

“Why not?” his tone was higher, now he started to think that she was just making excuses.

“Because … you have your whole life there, your career, your business, your family, your home … are you out of your mind?”

“Well how else do you think we’re going to do this? I’m just weighing on the options here, and you’re making it impossible to find a solution,” he was beginning to get aggravated.

“I would never ask of you something like that, it’s crazy, that’s exactly why I can’t see this beyond your stay here,” she insisted.

“It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about it? I thought we’re talking this through?”

Sandy paused for a moment, “I think we should take a break, and take our time to think this through, John.”

“No! No breaks! I don’t want breaks! I want to resolve this, if there’s a problem, we talk about it and resolve it … not taking breaks?!” he held her by the wrist and tried to find her eyes in the chaos, but she dodged him, and wriggled away. “Sandy! Look at me! We can work this out! You were just overwhelmed by what you were reading … it’s garbage, baby, it’s interfering with all the great stuff we’re having right now,” he persuaded her.

She tried to free her hand from his clutch, but he wasn’t letting her go. “It’s an eye opener, John, why can’t you see that? This is not fair … do you know how hard it is for me? You’re my first after that horrible thing that happened to me, if we keep this going and for what? A six month sexcapade? Just another series of short term relationships that you’re so good at?” she stuck a knife in his heart with that statement.

He was stunned speechless. “I can’t believe you just said that to me … I’m gonna pretend you didn’t mean that, Sandy,” he breathed heavily, his eyes widened in anger.

“But it’s true, John, you’ve never had a long term relationship ever since your fiancé died … it’s all been a series of short term relationships … you have a sexual appetite that’s just insatiable …”

He didn’t let her finish, “Fuck that, Sandy! Are you fucking kidding me? We were fine! Fine!! Until you started looking up all kinds of stuff on the internet and you cooked that up in your head that you believed it more than you believed me?? And now you’re releasing a shit storm at me and twisted everything around like it’s my fault?? Fuck!!”

He let go of her and walked away. She had pushed all the buttons that night and the tank was nearly full.

Sandy fell silent, she shut down completely. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” her voice was weak.

John’s head was hurting, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t do that, baby, you can’t bring something like this up and shut me out!” he was still going strong.

“There’s no point in talking about this,” she was retreating.

He shook his head.

“I’m going to my room … please lock the door on your way out,” she dismissed him and walked away without looking back.

“Fuck!!” John muttered, he slammed the door and locked it.