Crash Into Me

She walked a few steps away from the bistro to the streets, and there he was under the street light, leaning on his motorbike, arms folded in front of him. She walked over to him. He tried to assess her expression, but he didn’t know her well enough to do that.

“How was the ‘not a date’ went?”

She laughed, “Exhausting.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Not like that! You know … long story,” she said.

“I’ve got all night … we can discuss it over beer, or wine? Your choice.”

“Beer.”

He mounted his bike, “Beer it is.”

They stopped by to get some beer on the way back to the cottage. They flipped a coin over which cottage they should have the beers in, and it was Sandy’s. They got comfortable on the sofa immediately. Sandy sighed a breath of relief and put her legs up. John opened two cans of beers and handed one to her.

“He seemed like a nice enough guy,” he started the conversation.

“He is,” she said.

“But?”

“I just don’t feel the connection, you know? It’s just not there.”

Chemistry, he’s more than familiar with that.

“If we’re together … it would be like … he wouldn’t understand half of the things I care about, but he would support it either way because he feels like he has to … you know what I mean?”

He had his shares of those kinds of relationships, none of them worked out. He nodded.

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s really anyone out there that can connect with someone in that level … and if there is, what are the odds of them ever finding each other,” she was talking to herself out loud, and then he noticed John was gazing at her.

“Why were you there, John?” her question struck him off guard.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” he answered.

They locked eyes, tried to figure out what the other one was thinking.

“You weren’t spying on me, were you?” she asked jokingly, then she realized she was a bit tipsy, that’s when her mouth usually blurted out the things she’ll regret later.

John laughed shyly and scooted closer to where she was sitting. “What if I was?” he challenged her.

She blushed. She was screaming inside, she wasn’t expecting him to tease her. “What are your demons, John?” another question blurted out of her tipsy mouth, she kept her composure.

John was taken aback, he leaned on the sofa.

“Tell me your deepest, darkest secrets,” she added.

He was fidgeting on the floor, not sure what he was going to tell her but then he did. He told her how he fell into depression after his son died, followed by her ex-fiancé’s suicide because she couldn’t cope with the loss. He contemplated the idea of killing himself too, he even planned to do it a few times, but didn’t have the courage to go through it.

“Life was so hard to do back then … but there was a little speck of hope that maybe someday … I’ll find the reason why I had to go through the hell I was put through.” It wasn’t easy for him to open up, he hasn’t done that in a long time. He said his mom and sisters were his rock that prevented him from slitting his wrists or put a rope around his neck at the time.

“It does get better, doesn’t it?” Sandy remembered how hard it was for her too.

“What about you? What’s your story?” he turned to face her.

She drank the can to the last drop and opened another one. “We were almost engaged … I was sure he was the one,” she smiled sadly. “I moved here to have a life with him … and then …” she chugged down the beer, her hands were sweating. “And then we found out that I was pregnant … eight weeks into my pregnancy he was gone …” he held back her tears and drank some more.

“Did he ever tried to contact you after that? Just to find out about Kevin?”

Sandy shook her head, “No … I thought he really loved me … I mean, I trusted him with everything I had … never once I had any doubt …” she was choking but she swallowed it in. “There hasn’t been anyone after that …” she laughed bitterly, she glanced at John looking at her, she could see he was feeling her pain.

He looked so gorgeous with his messy hair, and his five o’clock shadow, she was falling for him. But she was afraid to let him in. She’s not sure whether he was there because he was feeling something for her, or whether he was just looking for someone to warm his bed.

**********

He wanted to kiss her badly, he wanted to take her in his arms and be that much closer to her. He felt a connection with her, the kind that she was talking about. But he can also see it in her face that she was scared. The attraction between them was intensifying, he knew she felt it too. They were tip toeing around a time bomb that’s waiting to explode. It felt like something that can blow so high, but not sure if it could go all the way.

This was new to him, the long talks they had for the past couple of weeks. The sex usually comes first, but she had a hook on him now, he was enticed. He wanted to know where this could go, but he knew he had to take his time. ‘What are the odds of ever finding each other’ her words echoed in his mind. His journey had been a long and winding one, if this was where it all had lead him to, he wanted it to be done properly.

She was getting more intoxicated by the minute, that could lead to something regretful. He wanted her to be sober when she decided that she wanted him as much as he did.