Contract And Marriage

Sarina

What happened between Maximus and me at the hospital felt strange. I never thought I would agree to do something like that in a place like that. Well, it wasn’t dirty or anything. It’s just that it didn’t feel right to make love in a place where someone could possibly see or catch us, even though we were married. But I admit it feels exciting and realized that no matter what, I will always do everything as long as I’m with my husband.

I’m really happy to know that my husband loves me very much. That’s why I need to sort out everything I need to. I need to remember. Maybe there’s more that happened to me three years ago. Maybe, besides Ralph, there are other people behind why I got separated from my husband.

I have to stay strong for myself and those who love and care for me. I don’t want to end up in the hospital again, as it might put my baby at risk.

I often dream about that scene and don’t know why it keeps returning. I want to forget it, but I can’t because it keeps showing up in my sleep.

It’s morning, and Maximus has already left for his office. It’s been a few days since I was discharged from the hospital, and I’ve been thinking about it carefully. My husband has been busy with whatever he’s been up to, so I’ve had more time to do what I want.

I went to the hospital with Sancho, my bodyguard and also my driver, to talk to my psychologist. I want to remember everything, so I’m willing to do it no matter how hard or extreme it might be. I just want my family and me to finally have peace of mind, which I know won’t happen until I deal with the past that keeps haunting me like a ghost.

“Dr. Miraez,” I greeted her as I entered her office.

“You’re here, Mrs. Lardizabal. Come and have a seat,” she said, guiding me to a single seat that felt like a lazy boy. It was really comfortable, and the calming scent of the air freshener made me feel more relaxed.

“Based on what you’ve told me about your dreams, it’s possible that you’ve experienced repressed trauma.”

“What do you mean, doc?”

“Because of your terrible experience, you want to forget it. But part of your mind wants to remember it because it’s important, even though you’re scared.” The other day, I had already told her about my dream over the phone. She suggested I try EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing therapy, which I agreed to, even though I didn’t know what it was.

“Are you ready to uncover the painful memories you’ve been trying to forget?”

“How painful?” I asked fearfully, suddenly feeling hesitant to continue. I looked at my doctor and found her staring at me and took a deep breath before she answered.

“Sometimes, the people we think love us, or the people we trust, or even the ones we never thought could hurt us, end up being the reason we’re in a bad place or bad condition or even bad situation. That’s what’s hard to accept. And that’s why, at the back of our minds, we try to forget what happened, because we can’t accept that despite our love for that person, they still managed to hurt us.”

Does this mean I might know the faceless man in my dream? Who could it be? I started to feel anxious. What if he was someone I cared about as well? A friend? A cousin? A relative? How am I going to accept that?

My sessions with Dr. Miraez continued. At first, nothing happened because I was so nervous and scared that I just cried. I couldn’t find the courage to go on, but I really wanted to know the truth. Thankfully, my doctor was very supportive and didn’t give up on me.

We’ve already had four sessions, and I will see her again today. My husband knows what I’m doing now because Sancho couldn’t keep it a secret when he called my bodyguard the last time I had my session.

Maximus wanted to come with me, but I stopped him. It’s better if he’s at work; besides, I know I’m safe since I’m with Sancho, who was very loyal to my husband, so I know he won’t let anything happen to me as well.

I was on my way to Dr. Miraez’s office when I ran into someone I wasn’t expecting. “Sarina, love.” I froze, unsure of what to do. I suddenly felt aloof, and there was a part of me that tells me to be wary of him. But I didn’t want him to notice that, so I found myself talking to him.

“Please, don’t call me that anymore, I’m already married, and my husband won’t like it if he hears you.”

“Did you forget? You said after your contract, you’d leave your husband.” Did I really say that? According to Maximus, I told Jason about our contract, and my ex said he would wait for me. But am I really like that? I know I’m married, yet I still entertained him?

“As I’ve said, I don’t remember anything about my past. But right now, I want to focus on the family I have. I’m happy with my husband, our child, and the baby we’re expecting.” I rubbed my stomach, which he also looked at. “I’m sorry, Jason. I don’t think I can leave my family.” I said it softly, but I’m sure he heard me.

“But love, I can’t live without you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. To me, you’re my whole life. I got used to being with you,” he said, making my mind even more confused. Not because I had feelings for him but because I felt terrible.

“Please, Jason, let’s not make this harder for ourselves. I’m going through something, too, and I want everything I don’t understand to end. Please don’t mess up my family’s life because if you really know me, you know I can’t destroy the family I have now.”

I don’t need my memory to say I’m family-oriented. I know that about myself, and besides, I love Maximus now.

“No, Sarina.” His voice was firm, and I could sense anger in his tone. “You’re mine!” My eyes widened because he sounded like the man in my dream, and I felt scared. I stepped back from him, and it seemed like he realized what he had done as his expression softened.

“I’m sorry, love. I just didn’t like what you said. I want you to come back to me because I waited like I promised. I waited for your contract to end.”

“I- I’m sorry, but I still need to see my doctor.” After that, I quickly left him and headed to Dr. Miraez’s office. I was scared and didn’t want to continue the session, but I knew I had to. I need to find out what happened to me three years ago and why I’m so afraid of Jason after he showed his anger.

Before I turned the hallway corner, I looked back at him and saw him still watching me. I couldn’t tell what kind of look it was, but I felt bad about it.