CHASING TROUBLE

“Do you think that’s why I came here? To have a drink?” he finally said,

“I was just trying to be civil. The fact that you want a fight so badly doesn’t mean that I want one,” she wished he’d stop staring at her hair. She recognized that look in his eyes and it was all she could do not to groan out loud. She knew he was seconds away from sliding a possessive hand into her tangled curls and exposing her throat to the heat of his mouth. The seductive stroke of his fingers in her hair had been a prelude to making her weak for him and she couldn’t afford that at the moment. Her breathing quickened. She did not want to think about that now! They’d never shared anything except sex.

Incredible, blisteringly exciting sex, the memory of which still deprived her of sleep. His gaze shifted reluctantly from her hair and settled on her pale face and she knew that his thoughts were running in the same direction as hers.

“I’m not here for a fight, Care. But. like it or not, Charlie is still my son,” he delivered, his slightly thickened tones betraying his physical response to her. “And I want to see him because I’ve already lost so much time with him. I’m not here for you and I have no intention of resurrecting our relationship in any shape or form. This visit isn’t personal.”

Pain shafted through her. Not personal. She had known that, of course. So why did hearing him state the truth feel so brutal? Why did it hurt so much?

“Of course it isn’t personal. Why would I even think that it might be?” Five minutes he’d been in her house. Five minutes and she was ready to scratch and claw until she drew blood. He just made her so angry. “We never meant anything to each other anyways. All we had was an inappropriate work relationship and a one night stand.”

She heard his sharp intake of breath, saw the streaks of color appear high on his cheekbones. She could almost taste his own anger. And yet he didn’t deny it. How could he when they both knew it was the truth? The sex had been amazing but their relationship had never been any deeper than that. It was just lust. At least, for him. For her it had been everything, and she’d actually fallen for him. Which made the whole situation so much more depressing.

“I’m not here to discuss our relationship or one night stand,” His tone was a cold warning to change the subject and if she hadn’t been so miserable and so furious with him she would have laughed at his complete inability to tackle anything emotional.

“Of course you’re not. You’d prefer to walk away whenever you want. Show up whenever you want. You did the same thing to your father for years and then you did it to me. I should have known better,” she threw back angrily.

His anger matched hers. “You were the one who walked out first,”

“Because you said you were leaving. You told me that immediately after we had sex. As if it was the only reason why you stayed as long as you did, and as soon as you got what you wanted, you announced that you were going back to New York. You didn’t even trust me enough to let me know from the beginning! You didn’t share with me! You made your decision without so much as a flicker of consideration for my opinion or my feelings. You didn’t want any commitments and didn’t want to deal with whatever would happen after we had sex. Which makes it all the more incredible that you’re here now when you could have just stayed where you were. I gave you what you wanted and I stayed away. It must have been incredibly difficult for you to accept that you have a son… I guess it must be a huge inconvenience for you to become a father when you didn’t plan to be one,”

His jaw was set hard.” I’m not afraid of difficulties.”

“Then why are you here, Nicholas? You didn’t plan to have a son and I’m not forcing you to have one… So why not leave us the hell alone and go… I don’t know… Rake across the country as much as you want. Are you just trying to frustrate me?”

“This is not the time for this discussion!” He looked at her with blinding hostility, his body language blatantly antagonistic. “And I’m not here to frustrate you. I want to be involved in my son’s life. Either that happens or I fight for custody. I’m giving you a choice now, Care, so which do you prefer?”

Caroline thought hard about his offer. If all Nicholas wanted to do now was have a relationship with his son, why should she stop him? If he wasn’t planning to take Charlie away anymore, and all he wanted to do was be in his life and be a father to their son, then wasn’t that a good thing? The truth was that although she loved Charlie with every bone in her body, she knew he’d need his father one day. She didn’t know the reason for Nicholas’ sudden change of heart about fighting for custody, but she didn’t want to push things.

“Okay,” she said softly, “He’s sleeping right now but I guess you can still see him,”

Nicholas quietly followed Caroline to the room where their son was. He lay in his bed, fast asleep. Nicholas simply stood beside Caroline, watching his son’s small chest rise and fall as he breathed. In that moment, He felt pride like he’d never felt before. This was his son… This handsome little boy in front of him was his son. He felt the urge to protect and provide for him grow inside of him and he breathed deeply, knowing that Caroline was watching him closely, and for some reason he didn’t want her to know just how affected he was by this.

And that was because he was still angry with her for keeping their son from him. For making him miss so much. He wasn’t there for the birth. He wasn’t there for eleven months. And it was too late for a lot of things. His own son didn’t know him. He clenched his hands.