BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER

What was even harder to believe was that their baby would be born in three months time. But Sasha wasn’t scared; she just wanted the waiting to be over.

“You’re very jittery tonight,” she observed, in that calm, almost sleepy manner which seemed to be part and parcel of being pregnant.

“Yeah, well.” He scowled.

“Well, what?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Kaleb,” she said patiently. “You can’t come out with elusive little snippets like that and then not explain yourself. What’s troubling you?”

He studied her carefully. “You are-or rather, your attitude is.”

“Oh? You don’t like the way I overrode your opinion on the tinsel?” she suggested lightly, looking in the direction of the Christmas tree, because anything was better than meeting that sizzling dark stare which was making her feel all mushy inside. “Or do you think we’ve gone over the top with the angel hair?”

“Hell, Sasha!” he exploded. “That illustrates my point exactly!”

“What does?”

“You take things so lightly.”

She did meet his gaze then, and her expression was fierce. “Are you suggesting that I’m not taking this pregnancy seriously?”

“Yes! No! Oh, I don’t know!”

“Tell me,” she coaxed.

He ran his hand distractedly through the ruffled dark hair and flopped down onto a chair. “Physically, you’re doing everything the doctors and the midwife tell you-”

Sounds like there’s a ”but” coming,’ observed Sasha drily.

“But I don’t know anything about your mental state!”

Sasha blinked. “You think I’m crazy-is that it?”

‘Sasha!”

“Well, that’s what it sounded like!”

“You never tell me about your worries!” he said stubbornly. “Your doubts, your fears, your uncertainties!”

“You’re assuming I’ve got some?”

“I know you have.”

Sasha looked at him steadily. “Oh? How?”

“Remember September?” he asked.

“That was months ago!”

“I don’t need a speaking calendar! I know when it was,” he told her waspishly. “Remember we were walking back from the restaurant and you saw that whole bunch of schoolchildren?”

The children had been noisy and laughing and wearing uniforms which had looked much too big for them.

“Yes. I remember. What about it?”

“And you went all quiet, didn’t you? I saw you looking at one child in particular.”

A child with eyes that had reminded her so much of his eyes. “Yes.”

“And I knew you were trying to imagine our child going to school like that-”

“Only I couldn’t,” she put in quietly. “It seemed too far in the future. Too impossible to imagine. Anyway…” She smoothed her hand down over her swollen belly. “While I’m flattered that you noticed my reaction, that was three months ago. Why did it take you so long to get around to asking me, Kaleb?”

He gave a sigh. “Because when the doctor told you to take it easy, I sort of assumed that meant pushing the more awkward issues to one side. I didn’t want it to come over as a criticism of you.”

“And wasn’t it?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. Surely it’s only healthy to be aware of the difficulties which lie ahead of us? If you thought that everything was going to be one hundred percent perfect for one hundred percent of the time, then I would be worried. Because that would be unrealistic.”There was a brief pause, and his eyes took on an almost luminous intensity.” Any regrets, Sasha?”

She went very still.” Have you?”

He gave a faint smile.” That isn’t fair.”

“Tell me what is fair.” She smiled, but the question in her eyes did not go away.

Kaleb hesitated. Analyzing how he felt still seemed pretty alien to him-but he owed Sasha the truth. Hell, he owed her a lot more than that, but truth came pretty high up the list.”I did have a few regrets,” he admitted. “Right at the beginning.”

Sasha nodded, respecting the honesty which lay behind his answer and realizing how much simpler it would have been for him to have lied to her. “But not any more?”

He shook his head.” Now I just want it to happen. Sometimes it seems as though it never will. And sometimes I try to imagine what things will be like when the baby arrives, but I just can’t. It’s too big.” He stretched his legs out and gave her a lazy smile. “But then I could never have imagined living with you, like this-”

“And finding it tolerable?” she questioned casually.

“Finding it more than tolerable!” he teased. “Finding that I like it very much.”

Apart from the fact that right now, sexually she was off-limits, of course. And he wouldn’t dream of telling her that. His face grew serious. “I just want more than anything for the two of you to be safe and healthy.”

Sasha nodded. “I know you do.” With her finger she traced a line around the circumference of her bump. “It’s funny-we’ve been to all the classes and read all the books; I’ve eaten the right things and done everything I’ve been told to-but there’s still this great sense of uncertainty-of leaping into the unknown. That is scary-but then, life is scary sometimes.”

He nodded, finding the sight of her swollen body unbearably moving. He thought how brave she had been. She’d never complained of tiredness, or of losing her figure as he knew so many women did.” Whatever happens between us, Sasha,” he said suddenly,” we have to make things work for the baby’s sake.”

It sounded awfully as if he was preparing her for the inevitable-and in Sasha’s eyes the inevitable was that Kaleb would move out as soon as the baby was born. He’d go back to be with Claire. And that she would only see him when he came round to collect the child. She pushed the image away. “Yes,” she agreed. “I know we do.”

“We’ll be the best parents we can be to our baby,” he added.

Her smile wasn’t as steady as she would have liked, but that wasn’t really surprising when he said our baby like that. It was such an emotional phrase to use. He saw her look of uncertainty and wanted to take her in his arms there and then, but he was terrified that she would misinterpret the gesture. And besides, he wasn’t sure that he trusted himself to.