Baby

Chapter 24

Iris:

“Are you okay, Iris?” Dad asked, getting me a glass of water. The fact that he was here in my room told me that he was aware that something happened. Though I wasn’t sure whether he just heard or felt that I was upset, either way, I knew that it was a matter of time before everything came out on

the news.

I was sitting on the bed of the guest room that I was staying in.

I got up from the bed and rushed to him, taking the glass before helping him to sit on the couch.

The man was supposed to be resting, and yet, here he was, tending to MY needs rather than relaxing like he was instructed to by the doctors. It was something that both made my chest swell as I knew that his action was genuine, but also ache as I knew that I was causing him an unnecessary fuss.

Whatever happened, I knew that I should have tried being calmer. Instead, I let my anger and jealousy take over my actions, and rather than choosing to just ignore the woman. I couldn’t help but burst on her, and that was something that shouldn’t have happened.

“Dad, you need to be resting, you know that.” I said, shaking my head at him. He sat on the edge of the bed beside me and watched as I placed the glass on top of the bedside table before I turned my attention to him. I didn’t want him asking anymore questions, nor did I want to give any answers. Whatever happened today, I just wanted to drain and ignore it, pretending like it didn’t exist. And though I wasn’t stupid, I knew that it wasn’t the healthiest method. I knew that it was the best right

now.

In truth, I didn’t know how I was feeling, but I knew one thing, I was in more pain than I could let out, and that alone was something that I knew that he could see through my eyes. But that pain was only going to make me stronger if I chose to take advantage of it, but that wasn’t going to happen if I chose to weaken right now; therefore, I knew to stay calm and strong for it.

My father wasn’t blind and he wasn’t the type to just let things slide when he didn’t want to. But I prayed that this time, he wouldn’t dwell on the topic that I truly couldn’t answer.

“Do

you want to talk about it?” He asked, noticing that I was quiet. I looked down at my feet, avoiding his eyes. The thing was, I didn’t want to talk about it. If anything, I was scared that if I did, things would end up turning against me or even worse, backfiring, and hence I was choosing to stay quiet until I was able to process my own thoughts.

“I don’t want to come out as rude, dad, but for now, can you please give me a few minutes to myself. I know that you don’t like me keeping things to myself nor do you like me blocking my emotions inside me. But at this point, I really need to find it in me to cope with whatever I am feeling alone for a while.” I said, looking down at my lap. He studied my expression for a few seconds before nodding. He cupped my cheeks and made me look at him before wrapping hist arms around me as he pulled me in for a hug.

‍

“It just pains me to see you in this much pain, when we can’t do anything about it. The worst part about it is that we didn’t see it through your eyes when the pain first started. I knew that something. was wrong, but I never did anything to stop it nor did I bother asking any questions on what I could do to help. This is one of my greatest regrets as your father.” He said, making my heart ache. It was something that I even spoke to them about. I did open up about what was happening, and yet, neither one of them chose to act upon it. If anything, mom asked me to ignore it and live what I had, and that was what I did. I was in pain, but I buried it down to live with what I had. And dad didn’t bother asking me to do otherwise.

This fact is exactly why I promised to support my daughter no matter the consequences. She was going to be my princess, and I was her rock which she could lean against. I didn’t want her thinking for a second that she was alone. What I dealt with and what I was currently going through, these were two things that I never wanted her dealing with, and that was something that I was making sure to prove to anyone who tried telling me otherwise.

I wanted her to feel safe, and I never wanted her to have a shaky ground under her, but this was something that I didn’t have. My ground was shaking long before I got married, and me marrying Dean only added to it.

The happy life that everyone believed that I had was one that was only behind the cameras as the smiles were something that the public wanted to see. But I had to admit, no one, not even my parents, read through my pain as I tried to explain to them that I couldn’t handle doing what I did for them at times. It was only Dean who managed to understand my true pain through my eyes without me needing to say a word. I could have the brightest smile, and he would often know if I was being honest or if I was lying with my smile. And that was something that had me loving him more than I did. In my head, I had finally found the person who understood and read me. Little did I know was that he left me like everyone else did.

“I will be outside if there is anything that you or my little granddaughter need. She is asleep already but could wake up in the middle of the night.” I had to fight back, shaking my head at his statement. This place was treated as if it were some guest house to me. Hell, at this point, I believed that I would have more freedom in a guesthouse as no one would tell me when to and when not to do something, eat, sleep, or take a piss.

Sure, eating on one dining table was important but the thing was, we were eating in our rooms after

way, but picking up our food from the dining room. It sickened me that we were forced to live this this was how things were in this house, and at this point, I knew not to bother. I wasn’t part of this house, and I had my own rules when it came to raising my daughter, and neither one of them followed whatever shit that I was forced to live through with my family and parents.

Therefore, I knew to just cope with this until we both went home tomorrow. It was how their system was, and I wasn’t going to come and change it for them when I didn’t even live here. I just knew not to teach this bad habit to my own daughter, and that was something that I swore against. If anything, the two of us would be sitting on one table regardless of the time.

I watched as my father walked out of the room, leaving me alone to think before laying on my to collect my thoughts.

The fact that I couldn’t get Dean out of my head was something that hurt me more than ever,

bed

27/0

mostly because I didn’t know how to react to the pain that I was feeling. I just knew that I was hurting and that was something that I couldn’t find myself getting out of

The man knew of my, well, our, daughter, and that was something that scared me.

It scared me because I didn’t know how he would be reacting. What his real reaction would be was something that I didn’t know and at this point, I couldn’t even predict, and that was something that scared the life out of me.

I knew that he did tell me that he wouldn’t try taking her from me, but a man who took everything from me was not a man that I trusted, regardless of whatever it is that he was going to tell me.

However, I knew that somewhere deep inside me, whether or not I chose to admit it, was that I was thankful for him knowing of her.

At least, this was something that I didn’t regret when it came to my child. It was something that I knew that she would at least be knowing about soon enough, and that was something that I was more than just a little thankful for.

“Mama?” I heard Lillian call, breaking my train of attention as she walked toward my room, holding her teddy bear in her hand. I looked at her and got up from bed before getting on my knees in front of her.

“What’s going on, baby girl?” I asked, noticing her red cheeks.

“Can I sleep here? I had a bad dream and I was scared.” She said and my heart swelled before I nodded and lifted her in my arms, cuddling her as I silently let her know that mommy was here and that she was no longer alone.

I gently lay her on the bed’s center before getting in beside her. “Does this make you feel better?”

I ran my finger through her hair, gently massaging her scalp before she nodded as he snugged in my embrace.

“Yes, mama,” she said, her voice making me smile. “I do feel better…”