Baby

Chapter 12

Iris:

I took my daughter and the two of us quickly walked out of the building of her school, driving off to the house as it poured, careful not to get in an accident as the road became too slippery and the thunder kept hitting every few minutes,

It was windy, and that was something that had most cars pulling over. I knew that I should if the house was too far, but thankfully, we were barely two blocks away. And I was more comfortable with getting my daughter inside the house where I knew that she would be comfortable in her own space instead of out on the street where she would be somewhat scared and worried about what was to happen until we went home.

I was completely quiet as she sat in the backseat, looking out the window, noticing that I was upset. My little princess could read me like an open book, and considering that I was always engaging in conversations with her in the car, I knew that she could easily tell if I was upset now.

I wiped my tears, and tried to prevent myself from sniffing as I recalled Dean’s words. The man was not only breaking a lot in me, but the reminder of his presence was not something that I liked or appreciated. If anything, it was something that I resented with everything that I had. And it sickened me to know that he was well aware of it. He just didn’t care, or if he did, he never showed

1. it.

“Mommy?” Lillian called, snapping me out of my daze. The fact that I knew that I had to conceal my pain was something that hurt me more than ever, mostly because I didn’t know how I was going to react to what happened. I also didn’t like crying in front of my child. Regardless of the situation./ I didn’t like to be that weak figure of a mother to her.

“Yes, princess?” I asked, making sure not to look through the rear mirror. I didn’t want her to see my puffy eyes. The last thing I wanted was for her to see me in pain right now. But it seemed to me like the five years that I took away to recover from everything just went down the drain. It was like seeing him made me relive all the pain that I was in before.

“You are not talking to me, mommy.” She said, her voice sounding hurt. “Did I do anything wrong?”

I had to fight back the new forming tears as I forced myself to focus on the road. I didn’t need blurry eyes in this rain, and I couldn’t even wipe my tears in fear that she would realize that I was crying.

“No, baby girl. But you know that the rain is a bit too heavy and mommy needs to focus on the street to make sure that nothing wrong happens.” I said softly, trying my best to assure her. The last thing that I wanted was

for her to be scared or to think that I was upset with her. The thing was, I wasn’t even angry with Dean, the way he reacted was normal. The man just found out about his daughter after five years of us being divorced. I was more upset with myself for everything that I was going through.

“Yes, the rain is scary today.” She said and I smiled as we stopped at a traffic light. She was indeed right. The weather has had its ups and downs lately, but this time, it was far worse than anything

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that I have seen in a long while.

“Now, now. If you are scared, who is supposed to protect mommy if she is afraid? I thought that the two of us were a team on this one.” I said, playfully crossing my arms over my chest making my little one giggle. She loved it when I claimed that she was my protector. Though I knew that she was well aware that it wasn’t true, I still liked seeing the smile that was on her face when I said it.

“I will protect you, mummy. Just like the big heroes we watch on TV.” She said, and I smiled and nodded. She was my little savior and light in this world after all. I knew that had it not been her, I might have never been the woman that I was today!

“Yes, exactly. My little Lillian is my hero, and she is not to cower over rain. I would need my little soldier to fend by my side.” I said, and she laughed at my acting tone. I smiled at the sound of her laughter and shook my head before focusing back on the road as we started driving again. The traffic was horrible, and I knew that it would take us a long while before we managed to get anywhere, but I needed to clear my mind, and the last thing that I could do was go to my parents at this point. I didn’t want them seeing me in pain, especially not my father when he was as sick as he

WHIS.

I didn’t want him thinking that I couldn’t handle this. I knew that I theoretically couldn’t. The pain that I felt was one that I never thought that I would be feeling if I ever saw him again after our divorce. I had to admit, I thought that I was completely over him. But it turns out, I seemed to have simply run away from him. My heart was still his and that was something that killed me inside.

“So, what do you want us to cat today? Pasta?” I asked and her eyes lit up making me smile. I knew that it was her favorite. No matter the number of dishes that I made her and the variety, pasta was always her favorite. At times, I used to wonder why, but now, I no longer questioned it. If she liked it, then I would gladly make it for her provided that she had a healthy meal along with it.

“Yes!” She said, clapping her hands and I smiled. She looked at me through the rear mirror and I smiled, momentarily getting distracted from what happened earlier; however, that didn’t last for long as my daughter grew curious.

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“Mommy?” She asked, looking somewhat hesitant.

“Yes, baby girl?” I asked, smiling at her, encouraging her to tell me what she wanted. I knew

to build her confidence as she grew older. I didn’t want her to be broken or being shy, if anything, I wanted her to grow up being the leader that I always saw her as. It was something that I have been building in her since she was old enough to sit on a table.

“Who was that man today?” She asked, dropping her head to her lap as if doing something wrong by just asking. She knew that I often didn’t let her question who my friends were and who I was around, but I couldn’t blame her for being curious at this point. I had to admit, it took me a few seconds to try and form a proper sentence that didn’t discriminate against the man. He was her father, and I knew that it would be wrong to put myself between them, especially when I knew that he was someone that she has always been asking about.

My daughter wasn’t stupid and I knew that she saw how tense I was; therefore, I couldn’t expect any less from her asking an innocent question. It was one out of curiosity at least, a curiosity that she had because she could easily read my pained expression.

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“He is a hero, baby girl I said, not wanting her to see her father as anything else. She may not know. who he is vet, but I knew that she would soon, and the last thing that I wanted was for her to see him as anything less than that. He may have hurt me and the two of us may have had our numbers of conflicts, but she didn’t have to know of them.

“You mean, like my daddy?” She asked, making my chest ache before I smiled. The fact that I had it drilled in her head that her father was a hero was something that I loved despite the pain that I was in because of the man. At least his daughter didn’t see the pain that came with it. I had succeeded in that part at least.

“Yes, baby girl. Just like your father…”

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