Always Been You

He released her as swiftly as he had taken hold of her, and then he began to move towards the door. Over his retreating shoulder he said. “You know where to find me if I can do anything for Tim. Good night”

Minutes later Katherine sat on the couch, unable to move. Wondering if she had made the right decision… Had she lost him forever because she couldn’t let go of her fears.

——————————-

He didn’t need this crap. Jensen thought as he got into his car. Starting the engine, he pulled away from Katherine’s driveway and into the road at a pace faster than safe. For a moment anger ruled. Then he deliberately slowed down. He would not take his anger out on others. He shouldn’t hurt anyone in his anger.

How could she not see that he loved her and wasn’t going to hurt her… At least not again. They had known each other long enough for her to know that he wouldn’t lie about how he felt… They had spent enough time together for her to know that. And since she had returned he hadn’t given her any reason for her to doubt him. He was all in with her. But he was also furious with himself for letting himself care so much. It was one of the reasons why he never let himself get too close in his previous relationships. Caring makes you open to getting hurt. It made you vulnerable and he did not like feeling that way.

He drove on, when all he wanted to do was turn the car around and go back to her place, grab her and shake some sense into her head. Make her believe that they should be together. But he knew he couldn’t. The last thing he wanted was to make her do anything she didn’t really want to. This had to be her choice. He didn’t want to talk her into anything.

He clenched a fist and hit the top of the car. He had been thinking that the two weeks had meant something to her as it did to him. But obviously it didn’t…. or least she wouldn’t let it.

When he got home, he sat in the car staring into space for endless minutes, feeling numb. One minute the woman was all over him, the next she didn’t want to be with him. The images of them together over the past weeks danced in his mind. He could hear her laughter, see the sparkle in her eyes. He wanted her… She made him so damn happy.

Evidently she wanted him too. But when he offered what she clearly wanted, she threw up that icy armor of hers and flatly refused him. Jensen shoved his fingers up through his hair. “Christ” he whispered. He recognized Katherine’s foolishness because he was guilty of it himself. Years ago he hadn’t realized how much he wanted to be with her… Till he had lost her.

Soon Rufus came running and barking. He smiled and opened the car door and Rufus jumped into his lap as soon as he stepped one foot outside the car. He scratched Rufus behind his left ear.

“Hey buddy” he said. “I’m surprised you’re here. Thought you would be with your lady friend down the road…. Gotta hold on to what you have, buddy. Unless you are having girl troubles too?” he asked, looking at the dog’s face. Rufus made a sound like he understood.

Jensen smiled. “Yeah yeah.” he said. “Women. Really complicated set of people. Come on. Let’s go eat our feelings”

——————————

Two weeks later, Katherine wheeled her car into her driveway. Tim was out on the front lawn, practicing his moves with a soccer ball.

“Hi, mom” he greeted.

“Hey, honey,” Katherine replied. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Watch this, mom” he said. He maneuvered the ball across the yard. When he was only a few feet away from her, he kicked the ball hard, straight into the trunk of a pine tree. “That’s a score” he shouted, raising his fists above his head in a sign of victory.

“Easy to do that without any opposition” Katherine said, as she folded her hands across her body.

Tim shoved several locks of sweaty, black curls off his forehead. “Huh?” he asked.

Katherine smiled “I’m just saying… Ermmm, try it again with me acting as goalie” she said.

“Okay!” Tim yelled again. He retrieved his ball and carried it back to the far side of the yard. Katherine kicked off her high heels and assumed a challenging stance in front of the tree. “whenever you are ready” she said.

Instead of taking a direct route as he had before, Tim weaved his way across the yard, adroitly maneuvering the ball with fancy footwork. Katherine stood ready in front of the goal, but he pulled her off center with a tricky maneuver, and before she could recover he kicked the ball into the tree trunk.

“Point,” Tim cried.

Katherine couldn’t believe it, but then again she had never been good at sports, in fact she was horrible at it. Always had been. She smiled at the memory. Baring her teeth, she lunged forward, tackling him, and following him down into the grass.

“Foul! Foul!” Tim cried, laughing.

Katherine tickled his ribs. He laughed, But he surprised her again by rolling to his side and throwing her off him. She sat up, panting. “When did you learn to do that?” she asked. “Wow, only a year ago, I could hold you down for an hour without any effort”

“I’m growing,” Tim said.

She looked at him with maternal pride. “You certainly are,” she agreed.

“How much do you weigh, mom?” Tim asked.

“How indelicate!” Katherine said, feigning annoyance and Tim laughed.

“No really. How much” he asked.

“About a hundred twelve pounds” Katherine said smiling.

“I’m gonna outweigh you soon” Tim said and Katherine laughed.

“Yeah” she said. “You will. You are going to grow really big. I know that. I see it already. And you are amazing at this soccer thing…. and baseball too. Such a good athlete. I’m so proud of you”

“Thanks, mom. Jensen taught me almost all of it” he said. “He always tells me to practice if I want to be good at something. Is gonna come to my game this evening?” he asked