Alpha Billionaire Series

WILLOW

Isat and stared out the window at the falling snow. Only a few days before Christmas and I was ready for it to be ove! My heartache over Charles hadn't lessened a bit, but with the payout from Peter, I had found a new flat in Georgetown, better than the one I had before but farther from the office. I'd also secured a lease on a new place in Norfolk for the company, and Mel and I were conducting interviews virtually for someone to help us run it. She was ecstatic when I made her partner.

Mom sat across the room closer to the fireplace, knitting a hat for the baby and humming. The house smelled glorious thanks to Dad's cooking. He was busy making fudge for our holiday dinner. Mom had invited the entire extended family, which wasn't exactly what I wanted to endure, but it would be nice to see everyone. When the lull o holiday tradition passed, I'd be thrust into tax season and prepping our new office, on top of a growing belly. Growin rounder every day, it was a wonder my old jeans still fit.

“You think Becca has any of her maternity clothes left?” I peered at Mom who looked at me over the rim of her glasses. Becca, my first cousin on my mom's side, had given birth just before Easter, and was close to my size. She'd be at our dinner, and maybe she'd loan me a few things.

“Maybe...” Mom's tone told me she was about to start a lecture. “You have enough money to pick up a few things, right?”

The discussion about how my marriage to Charles had all been an arrangement had not gone well. My parents were about as conservative as they come, believing marriage was a sacred institution. When I revealed my pending divorce to them and explained the reasons, they called Charles shameful and evil. I had convinced them that he wasn't either of those things, but their only reply was that they were glad he didn't live in their district—they’d never vote for him.

“lI do." I looked back out the window, watching the giant flakes fall down. “Just thought it would be a nice way to break the ice with her” I hadn't seen my cousins in a few years, too busy growing my business to visit much.

“Yes, well it would be nice if you just told your husband too.”

I rolled my eyes, sorry to have even started the conversation. “Mom, please. I don't need another lecture. I'm waiting until after the swearing in. He'll just be upset with me.”

“And you don't think he has the right to be upset?” She put her knitting down, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose to look at me full in the face. “Because I'd be upset with you.”

“Mom.” I huffed out a sigh. “Yes, he has the right to be upset. So, do I. You know that, right? That he hurt me really badly, more than once.”

“Willow Rain Perish, you don't take a tone with me. I don’t care if you are an adult, you be respectful.” Mom set her knitting into the large wicker basket beside her and placed the lid on it, then removed her glasses. “I'm not stupid. When you told us you were marrying him, I believed it fully because I saw how in love you were with him.

“l was not.” I stood, ready to run out of the room and avoid the emotion she was churning up with her words. She stood too, though, walking over to me and taking my hand.

“Please, just listen to me.” Her thumb rubbed the back of my hand, strumming it and comforting me. “You were. You were so in love with him. That's how you ended up agreeing to that whole thing. A smart girl like you? You wouldn't have even helped him if you didn't still love him. It wasn't about the money. You could ask your Daddy for that much and he'd offer it without batting an eye. No, you loved him. And you slept with him because you loved him.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I never could hide anything from my mother.

“That's why you looked so happy on your wedding day. Why you kissed him like that. Why you had us all convinced. Because to you it was real. You might have fought it, been angry, hated him a while and even told him as much. But deep down, you and Charles were meant to be. You'll see. It's not over.”

Mom patted my hand and cupped my cheek. “I'm going to see what Dad is doing. Okay?”

She left me standing by that damn Christmas tree with its colorful ornaments and twinkling lights. Every single one of the decorations hanging from it had sentimental value. Even the snow globe of Harvard's campus, tucked deep in the branches due to its weight. I hated it. I was angry, and wanted to smash it, but that wouldn't stop the pain. Minding my growing belly, I bent and picked up the gift I had for Charles, a small tie pin I'd ordered in August. It cam only a few days before the election, but I had stashed it in my suitcase as a great hiding place. When I unpacked my things here at Mom and Dad's, I found it.

The stone set in the sterling silver pin wasn’t any ordinary stone. It held a picture of the two of us, smiling and happy. When held up to light you could see the image, but otherwise it just looked like a jeweled tie tack. I had thought it a perfect gift, and after he bought me that cat brooch, I knew it was perfect. I had been stupid not to give it to him when it came in, but everything was so overwhelming that I forgot about it.

Mom and Dad's phone rang, and I heard Mom call that she'd answer it. I ducked into the mud room, finding my jacke and putting it on. I wanted to walk in the peaceful snow showers and think. After donning my shoes quickly, I put Charles's gift in my pocket and headed for the front door when Mom stopped me.

“Willow... she called, holding the phone receiver in her hand. “It's Charles. What should I tell him?”

My heart froze. Mel I could handle. Peter I could tolerate. Charles—I wanted nothing more than to take that phone and melt into a puddle of tears, telling him about the baby, about how much I loved him, begging him to love me back. But not until he apologized—for real. I shook my head and turned toward the door. “Say nothing.”

I let myself out, not even waiting to see how Mom responded to him. The cold air bit my face, chilling me instantly, but I stepped out into the powder falling from the sky. With my hands in my pockets, I clenched a fist around Charles's gift and walked away from the house. Maybe I was the one who should apologize for leaving like I did, but I didn’t think so.

I thought about Mel, how sweet and kind she was. How even as a best friend she knew what I wanted and needed more than Charles did. Either he wasn't very perceptive, or his work was too much for him to care about anything other than himself. Even if he came to me and apologized, I'd have to think long and hard about whether a relationship was even possible. I didn’t want to marry a man who cared more about his job than anything else.

The wind picked up, kicking snow into the air and making me shiver. I walked out toward the pasture where the neighbors’ horses played in the winter landscape. As a kid I'd come here to watch their horses frolic, dreaming one day I'd be able to have a horse of my own. As a teenager, these same horses had been my refuge. I'd feed them carrots and apples and talk to them. They understood me.

When I was in college, Charles broke my heart. I ran away, coming home to sit near the edge of this pasture and watch them graze while I studied. I still brought them apples and carrots, but they weren't quite as playful. Now, eight years later, with my same hopeful yet broken heart, I brought nothing but my sadness.

The large black stallion, the oldest of the bunch and probably nearing 25 years old, meandered my way. It brought tears to my eyes to see him again. I didn't know how long horses lived, but the fact that he remembered me and came to visit when I needed reassurance meant something. He nuzzled my hand, snorting out a cloud of air as his hot breath met the wind.

“Well now, my friend, seems like you're the only one who hasn't changed.” I rubbed his muzzle and scratched him, and he snorted again. One day, I'd come here and he'd be gone, the one who comforted me in every season of my life. Because things change. People change. I changed. I wasn't a little hopeful girl anymore. I wasn’t a teen with angst. I wasn't even a broken-hearted college student.

Now I was a mother-to-be. Alone, in a big world where people could hurt you and take advantage of you. I was different because time had shown me how to carry my scars, just like this old guy who kept moving forward over his whole life. If he could do it, I could do it. I just didn’t know if that meant being alone or finding someone new.

I just hoped the next time I had some sort of strong emotion to deal with, I could come find my friend in this pasture and he'd be here to snort and eat apples and cheer me up.

Things changed for sure, but I wasn’t ready to let go of him. Not when I had to let go of Charles first.