I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE
What Daniel needed to finally accept that Deanna was not coming back had come to him in the form of a story in the local paper.
That Sunday he had woken up and gone downstairs for breakfast as usual. His children were going to their grandparents’ house to visit Emma and spend the day with them, and for some reason Beverly was already there at eleven. It didn’t matter to him, he knew she was swarming around him trying to find a hole to sneak into his life. She could do what she wanted, if she wanted to continue to put up with all his indifference, that was her prerogative.
He went into his office to avoid her, but there she was again with her laptop and lots of documents. He didn’t even know why he hadn’t thrown her out, he was so apathetic he didn’t care. He had been sitting in his chair reading the newspaper when he came across the news:
“The new student of the very famous producer Sacha Feni: A rising star.”
A picture of Deanna, rehearsing; the note detailing how she had impressed Feni, and underneath a second picture: her holding Leonard’s arm… smiling. “Her manager.” And she was so ephemeral and beautiful, with her hair down and her smile wide. And the bastard was smiling proudly, putting his hand on hers holding his arm. The twinge again. His chest began to swell and he felt a warmth rise up his spine.
He crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor, far away. Beverly raised her head.
– What are you doing? –
– Nothing…” The voice cracked.
But “nothing” didn’t warrant an outburst of anger, so she stood up and picked up the paper.
-Don’t pick it up…
But she did, and discovered that “nothing” was there.
-I’m sorry,” she said, pretending to understand.
Daniel didn’t answer her, he was in fear again. He would never be able to forget her, if she was with Leonard, if she left the world, if she disappeared from his life; he would never be able to get her out of his mind. And that had him surrendered, lost. Beverly saw her chance and approached him.
-Don’t be sad.
She stroked his hair and he didn’t move.
-Things will get better in time…
She leaned in slowly, tentatively, waiting for a rejection. But it didn’t come, and she kissed him lightly, resting her lips on his mouth. He didn’t react either. She looked up at him and kissed him again, this time tracing the outline of his lips with the tip of her tongue. Her hand was still in his hair. He did not return her kiss or her caresses.
He looked like a puppet, motionless. But that didn’t stop her. She ran her other hand down his chest, over his jumper, until she reached under the waistband of his trousers and began to touch him. All this time she had slipped by him with excuses and pretexts, but having him so close, smelling his scent, had made her more daring.
He felt her hand on his crotch and he finally came back to reality. But not in the way she was looking for. He looked at her with angry eyes and grabbed the hair behind her neck as he stood up. He watched her for a few moments.
– Daniel? – The look in his eyes had frightened her.
He pushed her down on the desk, leaving her face down. He expected to hear the same sounds Deanna made when he became aggressive, but instead he heard whimpering. Without letting go of her hair, he lifted her skirt and pulled his body closer to hers until he made full contact.
-This is what awaits you if you continue to play with me, Beverly… I don’t think you’re going to like it, he told her in a threatening, deep tone.
She didn’t react, she was surprised, scared. He let her go and slammed the door. He had turned into an animal.
She stood up quickly and pulled down her skirt. She felt dizzy. Was it like this with Deanna? Was this what they did together? She bit her lip and wanted to cry. But her pride wouldn’t let her, she hadn’t come this far to cower now. Daniel Crusher wasn’t going to make a fool of her in front of everyone again, she had faced worse beasts in the courts. This was only the beginning, she had waited too long for this.
Monday morning he walked into the company without looking or saying hello to anyone, he went straight to his office, to his desk. He threw away the pile of papers that hid the divorce papers and sat down in his chair. He looked at them for a moment and then took them, euphoric and angry. He signed each one, his signature next to hers. He alerted his secretary and gave them to her.
– Have them sent to Leonard Reed’s lawyers.
– Immediately –
It was done. It was the end.
As soon as she left the office, his secretary called Beverly to tell her that he had given her the signed documents. She sat back, smiled and told herself she would put up with his coldness and, if necessary, his aggressiveness. She would be the next Mrs Crusher.
– Deanna –
– Hello, Leonard –
– Listen, babe… I just got the papers signed by Crusher… –
– … –
– Are you alright? –
– Yes… Thank you.
– Are you sure? –
– Yes…
– Will you rehearse with Feni today? –
– In the afternoon… I think I’ll go out and do a little shopping… –
– Well, let me know –
Oh, for God’s sake! Her chest tightened, it was hard to breathe and the crying… the crying was heartbreaking. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this, Philippa had promised her it would hurt less and less over time. Why did it feel like a piece of her body was being ripped out? She made a dumpling of herself and sat on the floor, unable to hold back the moans that escaped her throat, choking on them. Why did she have to go on loving him like that? Why, when he had played with her and betrayed her? Why, when he preferred a noble, elegant woman? Just because she loved him madly.
She had promised herself not to cry anymore, but since that night when she had left without coming back, all she did was think about it and let the tears come. The pain made her miss him, wishing she had his kisses, his arms around her to feel safe again. She could never feel him again, it was over.
All she wanted right now was to get into bed and stay there until it stopped hurting. But she couldn’t let go, she couldn’t afford to grieve for him. She felt that if she stopped now, she would not be able to get up again. She would have to replace her love with anger, with rage to bury him. She did not know how to do it.
Camila received the news from Beverly and was happy. Her son had put an end to the whole meaningless charade and would return to being the respected businessman who attracted the most respected women. The right one was already at his side, working and sharing with him, it was only a matter of time.
-I don’t see why you should be happy about your son’s sadness, my dear… Sometimes I look at you and think you are out of your mind… But then I think how beautiful you were the day we got married; as beautiful as that young girl when she married Daniel to steal his soul… Remember that before you say anything to your son that might hurt him –
Charles knew that grief would come crashing down on Daniel like a block of concrete.